I broke my silence after 15 years

[Melsa]

Hi,

I'm new and needed to join a support group and openly talk about my recent experiences.

I was sexually abused as a child from roughly 8 years old - 14 years old by my father. I have kept this dark horrible secret for years, I've felt shame, guilt and also fear and to be honest blocked most of my childhood out.

I gave birth to a beautiful son 2 years ago, and this event triggered postnatal anxiety and I became terrified of my son being around my father. The flashbacks of my awful past started happening and I've lately been in a constant state of panic and fear.

I've never told anyone about my father abusing me for years, however on the phone to my brother the other day ( won't go into all the conversation details) but I openly confessed to my brother what had happened, then I ended up telling my husband and mother. It felt so good to get this awful stuff of my chest, but now I don't know what to do next.

I made the decision to silence and remove my toxic father from my life, which was a great first step.

My parents are divorced also and my mother is shocked, horrified and angry and she is feeling like a failure as a parent right now.

My family is pressuring me into making a police report, but 1) I'm terrified and 2) Because it was so long ago, I feel that nothing can actually be done.

Was wondering if anyone can shine some light on making a report to the police and if you had a positive outcome?

Cheers,

[blondguy]

Hello Melsa

Welcome to the forums and you are amazing for having summoned the courage to post considering your circumstances. I am sorry for what you have and are still going through. There are many gentle people that can be here for you

The forums are a rock solid safe and non judgemental place for you to post

May I ask if you want to proceed with a police report?......(No response necessary of course Melsa)

I feel for you and your mum Melsa and I hope that anyone that has been through a similar time in their lives can help provide support for you

You know in your heart if you wish to proceed and if you have the emotional strength to go through the process

You are not alone here Melsa

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Melsa]

Thanks for your response and kind words Paul.

Yes I want to follow on through with a report as he works around children and I don't want anyone else to get hurt.

But I also don't want to waste my time, if its a case of my word against his situation, considering it happened so long ago.

I'm on a waiting list to speak with a local trauma centre person, for support and help.

Thanks

[geoff]

hi Melsa, I am horrified that you have had to go through this and no it's not too late, especially as he is now working around children, so by reporting him to the police you are protecting the children around him now.

My heart goes out to you with all my support. Geoff.

[topsy_]

Hi Melsa

I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. I can relate well as I was sexually abused by my father from the age of 5 to 19. I managed to lock it all away somewhere deep inside until my 3rd daughter was abused at 12yo by a family “friend”. Then I just fell to bits as all the memories & flashbacks tumbled out.

I didn’t want to go to the police. I don’t believe I was strong enough. My parents had been very cluey, never missing a chance to tell anyone who would listen “You can’t trust topsy, she always gets things wrong”.

Nobody in my entire family has ever believed me about my father. Only the professionals did because they could see the damage.

I did go to the police about my daughter. I acted as soon as she told me. To my horror they said that the abuser would be articulate & dressed in a suit while my daughter would be a nervous little schoolgirl & that the jury would believe the abuser’s denials. This was 25 years ago so I hope & pray things are different now.

I believe if you feel you want to go to court then go for it. I will be thinking of you & wishing you well.

Topsy