Coded yesterday after procedure.Feel very vulnerable.Helpless.Old wounds opened.

[Beetle]

Hey

I'm a first responder myself.

However I coded yesterday after a procedure. Very scary experience. I am usually on the other side of this thing.Being the one being coded is a totally different story.

I only remember I felt dizzy and my eyes went into the back of my head. When I sort of came to "thousand" people were around me poking needles in me and talking to me. I felt so exposed, vulnerable, helpless. Even though they were all wonderful and I'm back home I'm still teary and feel still very weird, and dizzy. I wonder if this event has triggered old wounds of my past? ( sexual abuse, emotional and physical neglect and abuse)

I appreciate anyone sharing their thoughts

Beetle 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Beetle,

Sorry to read your experience has unnerved you so much. I volunteer in the Country Fire Service, so know a little about responding, even though I have not had that many experiences.

You may well have felt totally out of control of all that happened to you, and was occurring around you. As you have no doubt seen so many incidents where others have been in such situations, your mind may well have felt totally over loaded and confused.

It may be very beneficial to receive some kind of professional assistance with your feelings. Or at least have a chat with your Dr or use the phone help line here at Beyond blue to talk with a support person.

Writing down all you are feeling on paper may well help you too. You can then show that to your Dr if it will help.

Our minds are good at brining up issues we thought had been hidden away. Seek help, write more here. It will help you to sort out what is happening in your mind.

Cheers from Dools

[Beetle]

HI Thanks for your answer.HOw lovely. While reading this my tears run down my face again.

I think I call BB. I thought ill cope but somehow I'm a bit of a wuss today......Cant control tears.

LOVE

[Doolhof]

Hi Beetle,

I believe that when we feel vulnerable, out of control, out of our comfort zone and confused, our bodies and minds must go into some kind of flight/fight/freeze survival mode.

Depending on past experiences in our lives, we react in a way that adheres to all of our past life events. You mentioned some traumatic life experiences to start with, no doubt those occurrences have influenced how you are feeling now.

Please don't think of yourself as a wuss, that is not the case at all, you are reacting to a life time of events that have all come to a head possibly due to what has recently happened to you.

Tears can be very healing. Allowing them to flow freely helps with the sense of fear, grief, hurt, pain or what ever it is that you are dealing with.

I'd like to encourage you to see your Dr as well. They may well be able to help you better understand what is happening to you.

Stress, fear of the unknown and so many other mixed up emotions and thoughts can have us not behaving like ourselves.

One of the biggest traumas in my life was giving birth to a stillborn baby. I sucked up all my emotions and tried to just get on with life. It doesn't always work out well! I thought I had that trauma under control. I didn't. Not for many years.

Sucking stuff up helps briefly. Those thoughts and feelings have to go somewhere.

Hope you manage to find the help you need where you are and also through your connection here.

Sometimes we send people cyber hugs here, if you want one, I am sending one your way to help you through this and to encourage you to get the help you need.

Cheers from Dools

[Beetle]

Doolhof

Thanks for your kind words. Yeah I'm freaking out now about biopsy results.

I finaly manged to love my body and feel so anxious that something sinister may grow in it.

Its unbearable. I know I'm not the only one going through this and I just have to push through. BUt not knowing if its cancer or not is so hard. I have to work today.Well in about 3 hours.

I usually don't drink during the day but today I need one to calm my nerves. I know totally wrong coping strategy. Totally wrong. .....I just try to keep it together til I get the results. I guess working is a good thing as it keeps me busy and my mind distracted....Ill contact my councellor next week. Cant harm to have a chat.....

Thanks again for your open ear

Beetle

[Doolhof]

Dear Beetle,

Hi. I'm really sorry you are doing it so tough right now. Waiting for a biopsy report must be scary. Do you have someone there whom you can talk to about this? It may help you to chat with someone on the Beyondblue support phone line on 1300 22 4636.

In the past I have used this phone help service along with Lifeline and a Remote Country Mental Health care number. Sometimes all three in the one day! These services are there to help you.

Making an appointment to talk to your Dr to share just how anxious you are about your results may be beneficial, the Dr may be able to help you with some of your fears and concerns.

Right now your mind is probably working over time telling you all the things that could go wrong. I understand that line of thinking, just not regarding cancer.

It may help you to write down everything you are feeling right now, all your fears, concerns and worries. Then write down how likely all of those things are to happen.

Yes. Cancer is a horrible illness, there is so much that can be done for people these days. I also know some people do not live through it. Right now you do not know what your scenario is. Right now you need to find ways to deal with the thoughts and feelings you do have.

A visit with your Dr will help, making an appointment with a counsellor, maybe even phoning The Cancer Council ( not sure, but they may be able to help!) calling Beyondblue, sharing more of how you are feeling here, with someone close to you where you are living, family and friends.

I am here to listen. Just wish I could offer more support!

Alcohol is certainly not the best way to deal with issues, hope you find other ways to release the tension you are feeling. Do you run at all? Energetic exercise might help a little.

from Doolhof

[Doolhof]

Hi Beetle,

Just dropping by to say "Hello" and to let you know I am wondering how you are getting on. Hope you are holding on okay!

From Doolhof

[Beetle]

hi doolhof

thanks for caring. ❤️ I have pushed the thoughts/worry about the result away. still don't know.

Got sick on top of things, couldn't leave my bed for two days ( bladder or kidney infection) so my body was so tired that it had no energy to worry left. Might have been a good thing. Been to docs on a daily basis as feeling so bad. No alcohol or tears just utter exhaustion. I hope it will all sort itself out. Friends been good. helping and checking on me.house is a mess. dirty dishes and dust everywhere. I just don't have the energy to stand up that long yet. ans having a feast. its disgusting but I hope I get around to it soon. I'm so ashamed of the state of my house.....I'm a clean person seeing my sink like this is terrible!

love beetle

[Doolhof]

Hi Beetle,

Sorry to read you are doing it so tough. Hopefully you will soon be over the bladder/kidney infection and your strength will return.

You mentioned friends have been checking on you, is it possible for you to ask one of your friends if they could help you with the dishes? Sometimes I find it so much easier to do someone else's dishes rather than my own!

You may also be able to hire in a person to clean up for you, even if it is just the once it will make a huge difference. Google cleaners for your area or ask the council if they know of people you could use.

Using disposable plates until you get back on your feet could be an option short term.

If you have a stool, drag that over to the sink and sit on it, open the cupboard door and you will have somewhere for your legs and feet. Who said we have to stand to do dishes?

Sometimes looking at everything that needs doing can be over whelming! So maybe just tackle the dishes first, even if you just fill the sink and soak stuff, that will keep the ants away for a while! With the dusting, just do a small bit each day.

When we are feeling crook we need to cut ourselves some slack, ask for help, do what we can to make it all a bit easier.

Must be reassuring to be able to see your Dr so often. Have to talked to him/her about the wait for your results?

Thanks for the "love" Beetle, I don't love myself all that much so don't use that word often!

Cheers to you from Doolhof

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Beetle, I just saw your post. I agree with Dools, If you are attempting any household chores only do the most essential & take any short cuts or ways to make it easier such as sitting down & only doing small amounts at a time. You are unwell & need to allow your body chance to start recovering. I remember years ago being very unwell. My doctor insisted that I had home help to do all my cleaning otherwise he said he would insist I was admitted to hospital. I was embarrassed to have people coming in to my house & seeing it looking so messy but I needed to rest to recover. I suggest you accept any help offered & accept that you are unable to keep your house clean & tidy at the moment. You could mention your difficulty to your doctor as he may be able to link you in with a social worker who could arrange help for you. Good luck.