Dear Lindy~
Not being loved by family leaves a horrible long-lasting shadow and can -as you know -turn to self doubt and the feeling one is somehow less important and even a failure. It is also lonely. Then with that relationship where the guy was not willing to commit to you whole-heartedly one can end up being prey to all sorts of imaginings.
Looking from the outside it is other people letting you down, not you.
I know about family, I was disinherited when I chose to marry someone 'unsuitable'. This did say more about them than me, but took a long time to become reconciled to, and I was lucky enough to have a wonderful partner.
I guess being thrown on your own resources is very hard, there is one thing, you do not need to put up with corrosive attitudes and can seek better for yourself.
By the sounds of it you are on the way. Work at the Red Cross can be really excellent, good people, and it is worthwhile. A pet is a marvelous thing. We have three, Foxy, Sumo and Nasty. They help turn a building into a home (and are pretty demanding) so it as a pretty good focus and source of affection. There are many threads here talking of the good in pets.
Having alcohol free days is impressive, I know you said to Geoff you merely wish to cut down, may I ask why just reduce rather than stop? Often it is a feeling one cannot succeed or find a viable substitute that prevents one committing. I'd agree that life with no coping mechanism would be hard. Are there other ways to cope that you might try?
To have your eyesight so reduced is a real handicap. My wife had it for the same reason, diabetes, though she could still watch TV she could no longer read properly. Audio books made up some of the shortage, as she had been a great reader. There is a website called Librivox which has an enormous number of free audio books. I download them from my local library too.
May I ask what you do on the non-Red Cross days?
Croix
