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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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I_wish_to_be_anonymous How much more can I take?
  • replies: 3

I’m a Firefighter with the CFA and I’ve only been in this role for a year now. I joined at the minimum age of 16 and it’s been a rewarding career that has had some severely dark sides to it. Since I’ve been in the CFA I have been to 45 vehicle accide... View more

I’m a Firefighter with the CFA and I’ve only been in this role for a year now. I joined at the minimum age of 16 and it’s been a rewarding career that has had some severely dark sides to it. Since I’ve been in the CFA I have been to 45 vehicle accidents which 4 of those were fatalities, I’ve been to plenty of fires which some have had a good ending others haven’t and I’ve been to many jobs where people have taken their own life. At my age I have seen things that nobody should ever see. when I joined I thought that I would be much resistant to what I see.. I was wrong just about every night I either go to sleep shaking, or I’m restless in my sleep, sometimes I’m even violent in my sleep there’s been a few nights that I’ve accidentally harmed my girlfriend in my sleep and have hurt her to the point she doesn’t want to sleep next to me for a few days.. I hate it but I can’t help it, I have nights where I go to bed in tears and I’m feeling completely empty with the thought of just ending it all as my only option. One part of me just wants to die just so I can have a break from it all.. The other half of me reminds me of how that would impact my loved ones but that part of me gets weaker and weaker.. I don’t know how much more I can take and I’m reaching out for an answer right now because this is my last resort. I’m in tears as I write this because Ive always wanted to help people but by doing so I’m tearing myself apart.

Living57 Childhood abuse needing to face it
  • replies: 15

I need some guidance, help, suggestions. I was abused as a child. One of my abusers went on to become a policeman in Victoria, he has since retired. He was my brother, was because I have nothing to do with him. The last time I confronted him he denie... View more

I need some guidance, help, suggestions. I was abused as a child. One of my abusers went on to become a policeman in Victoria, he has since retired. He was my brother, was because I have nothing to do with him. The last time I confronted him he denied the abuse, I told him I wanted to go to the police and discuss it, he laughed at me and told me they wouldn't do anything because he was one of them and they protect there own. Then he hung up. I have picked up the phone a few times but dont know what department or who to talk to. Is he telling it true that they wont listen to me because he was a policeman. I need to deal with this issue, it haunts me, and I need some peace of mind. I just dont know what to do. Do I push it to the back recesses of my mind, or do I try and be listened to. I dont even know what could be done if they listened to me, if anything could be done. I know it plays over and over, and my other concern is that he has granddaughters as well, are they in any danger. Any suggestions, I would be grateful.

GrowingStrong PTSD and Employer Disclosure
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have a long standing complex trauma PTSD diagnosis and I am currently looking for a new job. I was wondering what your personal experiences are in disclosing your diagnosis to potential employers. Have you disclosed to employers? Did y... View more

Hi everyone, I have a long standing complex trauma PTSD diagnosis and I am currently looking for a new job. I was wondering what your personal experiences are in disclosing your diagnosis to potential employers. Have you disclosed to employers? Did you choose not to? In the past I have not told anyone I worked with and it has become a horrible surprise for all parties when a panic attack is incidentally triggered. I don’t feel shame around my diagnosis, but I do fear discrimination. I am aware there are laws against discrimination based on disability, but I feel there are so many ways to get around it in practice. Any thoughts/ideas are much appreciated

JJJ1 Paralysed
  • replies: 3

Trying to get over a recent assault. I havent been able to tell anyone I know. I tried writing how I feel and this explains a little. Paralysed I try to lock it deep inside and throw away the key. But somehow it escapes and takes hold of me. By stran... View more

Trying to get over a recent assault. I havent been able to tell anyone I know. I tried writing how I feel and this explains a little. Paralysed I try to lock it deep inside and throw away the key. But somehow it escapes and takes hold of me. By strange sounds in the house and strangers getting close. I start to panic and shake in fear. Back to when i thought i had control, but you overpowered me and took away my choice. As pressure builds, the weaker i become. Paralysed in fear, i lay there in disgust. For my bad judgment i feel guilt and shame. Of how i couldn’t stop you, I must have done something wrong. But ive lost a piece of me and you should be the one to blame. For how long will this trap me? Can I come out on top of this mind game?

PamelaR Living with PTSD for 54 years
  • replies: 42

Hi all, Just wanted to share my experience. I had always felt my childhood was unhappy, but I could not understand why. When I was 12 I developed asthma and throughout my 20s and 30s I'd have these moments of unexplained 'anger outbursts'. I develope... View more

Hi all, Just wanted to share my experience. I had always felt my childhood was unhappy, but I could not understand why. When I was 12 I developed asthma and throughout my 20s and 30s I'd have these moments of unexplained 'anger outbursts'. I developed strategies to manage this anger because I hated it. I also found I was never comfortable with women friends and it was difficult trusting anyone. I drank to excess, picked men up for one night stands. Then I met my husband of 35 years. It turned my life around, I could finally trust someone and share a fulfilling life. I just believed my behaviour was normal for the loose 'sexual years' of the 60s and 70s. Then 7 years ago while travelling through a town I remembered I'd been there on a holiday when I was about 11 or 12. My mother and father dropped me off with some cousins of mum's for a week or so. I never remembered anything until 7 years ago, when we stopped for coffee. I said to the person behind the counter oh, I know xxxxxxxx and xxxxxx. The response was 'they're dead'. That was it. As we travelled out of the town I started getting 'pornographic images' (something that was totally unusual for me). I talked it over with my husband - saying how strange it was. Well, that was roller coaster for me. I can't imagine how I could have kept the sexual abuse (rape) locked away in my memory for so long. My health suffered, I went into major depression and anxiety. I could not believe what was happening to me. My whole world turned upside down. For months I cried my heart out with a psychologist until I could no longer function and had to cease work. The GP put me on antidepressants and I saw my psych almost daily for about 2 weeks. I finally went back to work after about 3 months and more recently retired. Since retirement - my PTSD has been triggered. I've worked for 50 years and kept on the move one way or the other. I now have to face life full on. There are neighbours who have volatile arguments - this has been my latest trigger. My psychologist has retired and I don't like my new one. Ugh.... I want to sleep, but it doesn't come at the right time - night time. I can go to sleep about 5am and wake at 11am. But that's not what i want...Wow, have I had a whinge or what. There are many more people out there who had it a lot worse. My life has been good considering. I only wish I could have remembered the trauma earlier. Though as some say, I probably couldn't have handled it.

NerdyGirl Triggers and how to cope with PTSD attack
  • replies: 3

Hello, i am new to this but here goes. I need help coping and strategies to deal with a PTSD attack. I experienced physical and mental trauma when I was younger and I also watched my little brother be beaten and there wasn’t much I could do to stop i... View more

Hello, i am new to this but here goes. I need help coping and strategies to deal with a PTSD attack. I experienced physical and mental trauma when I was younger and I also watched my little brother be beaten and there wasn’t much I could do to stop it or protect him. As I got a lot older I distance myself from my mother and more recently removed her from my life as I released evey time she would contact me I would have memories, flash backs and dreams. Things have been good but my mother has been trying to reach me to talk to me the last two days and tonight when I went to have a shower all these memories things I have tried to forget are trying to flood back in. I feel panicked and scared, ashamed and I feel this crazy urge to protect my family despite logically knowing she is a very long way away from me. Is there anything I can do to stop the memories I have identified my mother and showers are triggers. I have a vividly horrible memory of my brother being hurt in the shower which sometimes plagued my mind and is usually the first memory. I recently also had a little fire scare in my house and completely over reacted and then I had a flash back of when a pot was on fire when I was little and I was left to deal with it. Although this last memory is inspiring me to be a firefighter the other memories I have a very crippling effect. I don’t want to remember and I want to stop the memories and the overwhelming feeling of all these emotions.

Fuffi Shouted and swore at boss
  • replies: 8

Hi. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and subsequent anxiety following the death of my mum who I cared for for the last 10 years of her life. Since this, I have had a hard last 18months - illness and surgeries in my immediate family, health scares, oth... View more

Hi. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and subsequent anxiety following the death of my mum who I cared for for the last 10 years of her life. Since this, I have had a hard last 18months - illness and surgeries in my immediate family, health scares, other deaths. I regularly have help but this happened just last week and I have to return to work before my next appointment. I am a teacher and work to improve teaching so work with adults more than kids. I let fly (in a phone call from my boss) when others told me it was their understanding that I would be doing something completely different to what I had just organised with my boss. I’m not worried about what I said but rather how I said it - yelling, crying and swearing - not at him personally but rather how I felt about the situation that had come about. I received an email from my boss which acknowledged my ranting thoughts (he is well aware of my diagnosis) but I’m not sure what I should do? He stated that he wants to chat with me about the situation and other things when I’m ready to talk. I’m very embarrassed and not proud of how I said things and anxious about how much I should say to him. I feel I need to apologise about the ranting. But I want to make it clear that I’m not apologising about what I said. Really anxious about how much and what I should say. Any suggestions with this is greatly appreciated Fuffi

Srfr Post traumatic symptoms
  • replies: 4

New to this, sharing is difficult for me - usually involved shame in my past. finding it difficult to concentrate, high level of anxiety and quick to become irritated. Also, nerves are shot. recent complex bereavement; ever since, the above symptoms.... View more

New to this, sharing is difficult for me - usually involved shame in my past. finding it difficult to concentrate, high level of anxiety and quick to become irritated. Also, nerves are shot. recent complex bereavement; ever since, the above symptoms. just feel tired and a bit despairing too. wish I had something positive to share but not at the moment!

KalahariKatfish Writing a letter to my parents, my mum in particular
  • replies: 3

"I'm writing to you because it is easiest for me. You may call it cowardly but that's your opinion. It's less scary and causes me less anxiety to do it this way. You have conditioned me to fear confrontation and cry as soon as I hear shouting. You ha... View more

"I'm writing to you because it is easiest for me. You may call it cowardly but that's your opinion. It's less scary and causes me less anxiety to do it this way. You have conditioned me to fear confrontation and cry as soon as I hear shouting. You have been a good parent to me for the most parts, providing for me and (My sister). But you've also done some horrible things. Shouting and insulting me until I'm in tears and then getting more angry when I start crying. A mother's natural response to their child in distress should be to comfort them, not to shout or sometimes laugh and ridicule them. And to be more specific, the reason I've been avoiding you and dad is from the other day. Dad threatened to hurt me. He threatened to kill his own daughter. Over some cats. I understand I took it too far, and I was stopping as I had previously told you. But that doesn't justify what he said to me, or how I'm being treated. And it doesnt justify you allowing him to say that to me. Arent you worried that your husband threatened to kill me? You know why I kept cat sitting for as long as I did, you know how difficult it is for me to get a job, to talk to people, to make friends. I was doing my best to make an income and get through uni. You seem to forget how stressful university actually is, and how much work I have to put in. I will apologise for what has happened with the cats, as I have in the past. The only reason foxy was out was to make dad happy. But I will not apologise for being upset, scared, and avoiding you. If you can't understand why then there isn't much more I can say. I'm telling you all of this because despite what has happened you're still my parents and I want to continue to have a relationship with you two. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me to help me become who I am. But if you can't see that what happened was wrong, I'm not sure what more I can do. I have other people that will care for me and protect me. I'm not trapped here. And if you're confused about anything, I'm happy to have someone else talk to you about it too. Because you laugh this off and forget about it, but I don't. This is serious and effects my life. "

Needingadvice2018 How to explain PTSD to another?
  • replies: 10

As title says, how do you explain to someone close to you what PTSD is or means in your life? How do you explain how certain things control your life or daily routine that you simply can't change for fear of what might happen if you do? i left a rela... View more

As title says, how do you explain to someone close to you what PTSD is or means in your life? How do you explain how certain things control your life or daily routine that you simply can't change for fear of what might happen if you do? i left a relationship many years ago, have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to dv, mainly all mental/controlling techniques he used but two occasions where I wasn't sure if I would see the sun again. I am now struggling to let my partner about the actual depth of my past, whilst I've been very open with the situation and what I and the kids went through, I've never let on about diagnoses (ptsd and depression) but I fear it will sound like I want sympathy (I don't, I'm strong enough) but I really want to be able to explain why I feel the way I do about being in certain situations or visiting specific areas of town. I've moved a distance away from my ex and do not want to go back near that area. i believe I need to be very honest about my pat but I just can't find words to explain it... I don't look broken nor would anyone other then drs and psych even think there is something going on behind the scene with me. appreciate any advice thank you