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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Anna27 Is my boyfriend sexually abusing me?
  • replies: 3

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have sex and that part is fine. But last month, we were just laying about on his bed, nothing sexual was happening, and he randomly decided to try to initiate a sexual encounter. It caught me off guard, I ... View more

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. We have sex and that part is fine. But last month, we were just laying about on his bed, nothing sexual was happening, and he randomly decided to try to initiate a sexual encounter. It caught me off guard, I said no and stop and pulled away, and instead of backing off he tried harder, as though it were some sort of challenge. He only stopped when I thrashed my arm out and it hit him in the face. I was visibly upset, he apologised and left shortly after, but I was left feeling violated and hurt like I never have before, I cried a lot and kept waking up randomly that night feeling panicked. A few days after it happened, I talked to him and explained how not okay that was, and that I expect him to stop when I say no and respect my boundaries. Recently though, it happened again. Just like last time, we were just laying about watching a movie, not engaging with each other sexually, and he asked me if he could initiate sexual contact. I trusted that he would respect my wishes when I said do X, not Y. He then proceeded anyway. In the moment I was in shock, I didn't really react. The next day I was furious that this happened again. I told him again how not okay that was, and asked him to reflect on why he did it. He kept saying "it just happened" and "I don't have answers". I asked him a string of questions to try and get to the bottom of it, and two things emerged: 1) he said he assumed that I would like it because I usually like this activity (when we're actually having sex); and 2) because I didn't explicitly say "no" (I said only do X, not Y), he took that to mean yes or that it was okay. I know these are both indications that he does not understand how consent works, so that may be the issue here. My concern now, in addition to trying to deal with the broken trust and hurt this has caused me, is how I can be sure it won't happen again. His lack of self-awareness and lack of willingness to face his guilt and step up to the plate to take responsibility for his mistake, makes me feel like it may happen a third time, and so staying with him would be a risk to myself. I don't think he is doing it with the intent to harm me, but clearly it is harming me. I've never been touched by anyone without my consent before. I'm struggling with what to make of all this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Crikey01 Just being diagnosed with PTSD
  • replies: 3

Hi first time here and bit nervous. I've been an absolute mess for couple months and couldnt understand what was wrong with me and that in it self drive my sanity spiraling. I conjured every disease and felt the symptoms and was so frightening. My da... View more

Hi first time here and bit nervous. I've been an absolute mess for couple months and couldnt understand what was wrong with me and that in it self drive my sanity spiraling. I conjured every disease and felt the symptoms and was so frightening. My dad died from taking a medication 18 yrs ago by his doctor who was his golfing buddy and since then I've not been able to take anything new for fear of dying, and I was also misdiagnosed 10 yrs ago for benign intracranial hypertension which also impacted me greatly . My son has just come out the other side of a super depression and was on suicide watch. Thankfully he is on the mend and a month after is when I went into a spiral of absolute sadness and fear . For all the above trauma reared its head but wasnt aware it could happen Was so scary I didnt know what was happening to me and has taken awhile to work through but I feel immense relief I have a reason for feeling crazy . I'm not sure if others have felt relief when told that's what it is . My body is so exhausted I can hardly get the energy to get up . I was prescribed medication yesterday to ease my constant anxiety and panic but with my pill phobia its petrifying . Read to many forums . I suppose I'm just hoping now I have a diagnosis I can understand why Ivd been like I have . I've started a new psychologist today so as it's new I cant predict the outcome but not keen on taking new medications for fear of side affects. I'm not discussing medications as I know everyone is different and no one can really compare I suppose I'm looking for assurance . Thanks for reading . I'm praying for a calmer day tomorrow

Needingadvice2018 Normal to feel like leaving?
  • replies: 9

Hello, have posted before and received some very helpful advice so thought I would check in again to see if how I'm feeling is 'normal'. Past history ptsd from dv - never thought life would be ok again. But kids have kept me going. Current relationsh... View more

Hello, have posted before and received some very helpful advice so thought I would check in again to see if how I'm feeling is 'normal'. Past history ptsd from dv - never thought life would be ok again. But kids have kept me going. Current relationship for 4.5yrs, very understanding and caring but live seperately (yes have children together) however due to both our first relationships having children our distance between homes is 2hrs. Some days are ok but others are not. I find the ok days are when we are together, the not so good days and weeks are those when we are apart (due to first relationship children needs my partner has children 50/50). I am raising our joint children 100% and also mine from first relationship 100%). some days I just want to not deal with life, I have a fantastic job which I love, very supportive extended family who help with kids and such but not being with partner and raising all the kids is very difficult and small things set my day into chaos and I am resentful that I do it myself and only get support on the days partner doesn't have first relationship kids. today is one of those days I just feel annoyed at everything, kids playing up, house is a mess even though I had it cleaned two days ago (children's toys, clothes, towels etc) and partner is busy with other kids. I feel the relationship is going no where and just want to give up. I know this is in part the ptsd talking because it seems like dejarvu (first relationship I did 100%of all kids and house stuff even though we lived together). I admit absolutely no DV with this relationship, very thankful for that. I jist want out. Is it normal to feel like this? I hate this life like this and feeing like it's a constant circle of repetition. How can I overcome this? Am I rambling.

Cerebrum Blocked out my PTSD
  • replies: 3

I have been feeling more depressed than ever - and I've been there before - and someone reminded me tonight that I probably have PTSD from an extreme accident I was in about 8 months ago. I honestly had blocked it out so well it never occurred to me ... View more

I have been feeling more depressed than ever - and I've been there before - and someone reminded me tonight that I probably have PTSD from an extreme accident I was in about 8 months ago. I honestly had blocked it out so well it never occurred to me that it might still be causing or contributing to any current issues. I walked away physically unscathed. All I want now is some very specific strategies and ways to cope to help me move on. Any practical tips most welcome. Should I try medication for a short term? Is it necessary to go back and relive the trauma as I really really don't want to do that. Also, how can I possibly get my partner to understand that it really rattled me and I can't just bounce back. I still seem to be fixated with death.

Callumm Child sexual abuse survivor
  • replies: 3

Hi there, thanks for reading. My story starts at 11 years old I was sexually abused continuously for 5 years by my birth mothers partner until I was 16 and moved out. I reported this to the police in my 20s, they took my detailed statement, investiga... View more

Hi there, thanks for reading. My story starts at 11 years old I was sexually abused continuously for 5 years by my birth mothers partner until I was 16 and moved out. I reported this to the police in my 20s, they took my detailed statement, investigated and nothing has happened. I don’t know what else to do, My birth mother was told about what had happened to me and she is still with him so that says a lot about her. I’ve been estranged from family because I didn’t know what else to do. I’m now in my 30s looking at recovery. It’s just hard being alone and not having anyone to turn too. Any suggestions would be very appreciated.

Ayisha Emotions about CPTSD Diagnosis
  • replies: 1

I am new to Beyond Blue. I am hoping to share my experiences and opinions about CPTSD with other sufferers. I'm sure we could relate to each other's situation and perhaps share ideas about how to improve our day to day lives. Below is one of a number... View more

I am new to Beyond Blue. I am hoping to share my experiences and opinions about CPTSD with other sufferers. I'm sure we could relate to each other's situation and perhaps share ideas about how to improve our day to day lives. Below is one of a number of definitions pertaining to CPTSD. C-PTSD is generally until now, known as a psychotic condition known to veterans of war, but thankfully more recent studies prove that this condition is prevalent in lay-persons who have also suffered an event or events that have transformed their persona, their person in its entirety. (Unknown source) I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), when I was 55 years old. Why I couldn’t have just plain PTSD is beyond me, mine had to be the complex kind, the incurable kind. After I was diagnosed with C-PTSD (which I had never heard of before), I started researching about the condition. I was desperate for information and answers. I was shocked; I was astonished to find that the information on the internet read like it had been written about me. I could see myself in every word on every page! My heart stopped beating; there was no blood in my veins, as the words exploded in my brain. The meaning of the words in the definition above sums up C-PTSD to me. ‘My person in its entirety has changed’. To me this means I am not the person I was supposed to be: I am not the person I was born to be. Well that’s just great! So who’s going to fix me? What type of cure does one seek out for this? Who is going to remedy all the havoc that has occurred over the years. The lost family and damaged relationships that I have caused, and estrangements that we have all suffered throughout the time. What treatment is going to rid me of my addiction to alcohol. If my persona has been transformed, then what the heck is my real persona supposed to look like? Perhaps I would have been a better mother to my children? A better friend, a better partner. I was robbed through my trauma as a child... my innocent soul was stolen! No wonder I had trouble relating to myself all my life! I was condemned to a life not my own! Does anyone else want to share how they felt when they were first diagnosed?

Tobias_Squeezer Postpartum depression & Anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi. I have experienced postpartum depression and long-term anxiety disorder. I am over the anxiety, finally! I benefitted from a ‘mental healthcare plan’ from my Doctor. I had 12 Psychology visits in 2010. I thought these would be all about my sexual... View more

Hi. I have experienced postpartum depression and long-term anxiety disorder. I am over the anxiety, finally! I benefitted from a ‘mental healthcare plan’ from my Doctor. I had 12 Psychology visits in 2010. I thought these would be all about my sexual molestation history, but they weren’t . They focused on ‘unhelpful thinking styles.’ I did the homework, & benefitted greatly. The bad memories get worse with age, but my anxiety ramped up inexplicably, nearing menopause, despite medication. It turns out I had inflammation in my gut & brain, & a Naturopath has helped eliminate that, & finally I feel relief! So it’s not always ONLY Psychological. This is worth noting, if things worsen despite feeling in control in every other way.

Tay13 Long Term Thread: Overwhelming Situations
  • replies: 7

As Per "Community Champions" advice - I plan to start a long term thread. For a place that I can go when I need to let a few things go. (I hope that my words stay the same - as I'm not trying to be destructive: few of my comments previously were chan... View more

As Per "Community Champions" advice - I plan to start a long term thread. For a place that I can go when I need to let a few things go. (I hope that my words stay the same - as I'm not trying to be destructive: few of my comments previously were changed around so my points I was trying to make became quite confusing and frustrating) As a very bland, undetailed start - I started self harm at age 11, was in PMH Eating Disorders program from age 14 to 19 for Anorexia Binge/Purge type, Complex PTSD, Clinical (?) Anxiety and have heard bits and pieces in between many hospital visits and extremely short term (3 visits MAX) 'mental health councilors'. I am currently 23 + have a 3 months old son. Today I want to post what I wrote down this morning to get a metaphorical ball rolling - in hopes this is a better Idea than what I am second guessing now. --- "I am constantly overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Fighting or obeying this perfectionism. It drives me mental. I have no feeling of content - Always needing more or much, much less. My mind works in 1000 words a minute + is increasingly hard to hone in + settle or embrace some sort of common ground, to process + accomplish. I don't even know how to begin to elaborate - If I need some help or not. My Major concern is never being 'Good enough' Secondary is feeling as though I've missed out - on living or discovering + embracing my 'self'. Things are too complicated to be one or the other. Example: I've been extremely stressed before + feel once you've dove these deep waters of Psychosis its extremely hard to determine if I am 'sad' or 'depressed' - I say, I guess I'm "Overwhelmed" ---

Sian_J when will it get easier....? will it ever get easier....?
  • replies: 4

BRIEF INTRODUCTION SO EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ON THIS THREAD... Saturday 7th February 2009, natural disaster - known as the Black Saturday bushfires what destroyed many homes, took many many lives, and left so many people lives empty an... View more

BRIEF INTRODUCTION SO EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ON THIS THREAD... Saturday 7th February 2009, natural disaster - known as the Black Saturday bushfires what destroyed many homes, took many many lives, and left so many people lives empty and destroyed. My family and I lived in one of the worse affected towns flattened by e natural disaster. Kinglake. Anyways, next years is the big 10 Year Anniversary since the event. I relapsed already and I’m currently an impatient at an private hospital in Dandenong, (for those who don’t live in Melbourne Australia, it’s a hospital on the Mornington Penisula). Like i said above, I’ve already relapsed from just the anxiety building toward the anniversary, and where still 4 months away. Yes, it’s not the entire reason behind my relapse but it does play a massive part to the reason for my relapse. Anyways, getting off topic. I’m so anxious about the anniversary next year. How am I suppose to cope with the emotions of it being the big 10 years since the event happened, whilst having camera in my face because they want to capture everything on video. What at should I do to prepare myself? Does anyone have any suggestions??

Ceege Where to go, what to do.
  • replies: 10

I was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago after 3 sexual assaults(all by strangers, not dates gone wrong), a hateful adoptive mother that made my life hell and 7 MVA none were my fault and the last was deliberate action by the other driver. I am current... View more

I was diagnosed with PTSD 10 years ago after 3 sexual assaults(all by strangers, not dates gone wrong), a hateful adoptive mother that made my life hell and 7 MVA none were my fault and the last was deliberate action by the other driver. I am currently living in public housing in a rural area. I have no family as I was an only child and my parents are long dead. I never married. There are 2 violent alcoholic males here. I have an AVO in place against one and have an application hearing against the other one in 3 days time. I had been functioning reasonably well until this pair of idiots started up. The one I already have the AVO against even made threats in front of the magistrate and the order isn't a week old yet and I've breached him already. I am finding it hard to sleep because one or the other of them could come flying through my window at any time plus the pair of them continually brawl, often outside my bedroom window. I have nowhere else to go, housing denied my application for transfer. The one I have the AVO against lives in the flat next-door. He often chucks 2 y/o tanties in his flat at all hours and wakes me out of sleep often in a panic attack. There are basically only minimal health services here and I don't have any money to pay for any. I also have various physical problems as well. Complaints fall on deaf ears.