Help i need advice.

[Bluekimba]

Hi as a result of a few people sexually assaulting me in my child and teen years i have developed this.Im now 42 and im at the point where i dont want to be touched at all.not even kissing or hugging.I told my partner when i was younger this would be a life time issue and he excepted it.Tje issues is no its getting worst to the point of i dont want sex at all.I dont even want to be cuddled in bed.I told him if he cant live like this i would understand if he wanted to leave.I do feel bad for him.I get mad everytime he gives me any indercation he wants to.I dont know what i should do

[MelC82]

Hi Bluekimba.

Thank you for sharing your story. That is very courageous. I am 37 and everything you have just mentioned sounds a lot like my story. I was also sexual abused by a few different people throughout my childhood and adolescence. I don’t like to be touched either and cannot have sex. My husband left me 2 years ago because he couldn’t handle my mental health. I am here to say I know you must feel a little guilty for your husband but it seems like he is there for you. I would say to maybe just tell him how your feeling and maybe ask him if he could be a little patient with you and maybe ask him if he would be ok if he is just there for you emotionally instead of sexually for a while. It is important to have a good support system around you. I would know because I don’t have anyone around me that can support me. I know how difficult it is to try and do this alone.
Do you have a psychologist you can maybe connect with? Couple counselling might also be something you both can do together and that way you both can talk about your concerns and feelings and you have a professional to help you both through this tough time.
im sorry I’m not sure if I have been any help but I am here to say you are not alone in this. I am here if you need to talk some more

MelC82

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bluekimba,

Thank you for your post and for opening up to us. I can see that MelC82 has already offered some really lovely support.

The one thing I just wanted to add, or ask is if you would be open or wanting to be touched in the future if things felt differently? I understand if not, but sometimes touch can be safe and warm and welcomed. It can be really hard to imagine what that might feel like if you haven't experienced it, but it is possible for this to happen and for you to experience it so differently.

I too encourage you to reach out to a pro - they'll respect all your decisions and help you to work together with your partner. They will also be able to help both of you communicate so that your partner can understand and you don't have to get to a point where you feel mad at him too.

rt

[MissBenthos]

Hi Bluekimba,

I think the suggestions from others to see a professional will be helpful for you.

I have another idea for something you could look into, it's not for everyone so if it's not your cup of tea you don't need to go for it. Have you thought about trying an open relationship so he can look elsewhere for physical needs while remaining in a happy relationship with you? I quite often hear about asexual people being part of the polyamorous community, it makes a lot of sense to me when partners aren't perfectly compatible in every category to find fulfillment in a variety of people.

All the best xo