having to be a Adult but never getting the chance to be a kid

[India_L]

Hi all, I'm gonna tell you about my birth rights as a human taken away from me from day one.

Opening my eyes after being born, Screaming because taking air in for the first time, being held by everyone in my family. Who knew life was gonna turn out the way it was going to be for me, Who knew mum was gonna become extremely sick and lock herself in her room for so long, Who knew dad would be abusive and leave us in a home with no food. To my father in heaven who gave my parents a blessing of 4 children who wasn't ready or capable to take on the challenge, My father why give me the job as parent at the age of 6, why did i have to look after my 3 brothers what made you think i was strong enough, what made you think i wanted to chuck away my child hood to put food on the table for my siblings.

If God is real why didn't he come save me, where was he when i was under stress and depression. Father why cant you come save me now i need it now all the birthday wishes i used for your help, i don't know if birthday wishes are even real anymore. There not one day i haven't stopped caring for my siblings, Always thinking what its like to have a family that was happy with parents who looked after me, im looking after everyone but who's looking after me. Mum...Dad i need you now then ever why cant you come home now why cant you be happy?

Thank you for reading, This is apart of a book that i have been writing about my childhood and i wanted to let the world see how it is to feel so powerless.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear India,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

It sounds like you have been through the ringer for most of your life. I am sorry to hear that things have been so tough.

I too am a survivor of abuse and felt as though I missed out on having a childhood as such. I was abused from the age of 8, had a brain injury at 10, and then was in Bushfires at 12. It was at the age of 12 when my Mum had to return to full time work and so I began doing the cooking and cleaning when I got home from school. It's quite an intense experience when you grow up and realise you never really got to be 'Young and innocent' in the first place.

I don't know if you are a reader at all, but I read a book a few years ago called 'When bad things happened to good people' and found it to be most helpful. It also helped explain in modern terms, to a large degree anyway, the question of 'If there is a God, then why does this happen?'. Maybe you too could check out that book? I know it helped me immensely.

And then when I read that you are writing a book, I thought 'Awesome!' because I too have written a book! Writing is such a wonderfully therapeutic tool! I have kept journals for most of my life, until I started using online social networking and the like ..... now I do a lot of writing in an 'online' capacity, which for me is almost like having a blog. Of course some things I don't want to put our there in public, so I just have a document on my computer, where I can write about my day and anything that bothers me, and then the next time I write in that same document, I go back to realise that the pressure or stress of that particular issue has passed. So yeah, getting it out and into 'black and white' is such a wonderful tool.Maybe one day you will get something published?!

Anyway, I do hope that you feel better having written a bit here on Beyond Blue. And remember, we're here for you and with you for as much support as you may need.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[India_L]

thanks Soberlicious96's,

knowing that someone actually took their time to read what i said and how i feel makes me feel like someone out there is there.

at the moment i dont live with either of my parents as my father has been sent to jail for many offense to my mother me and my brothers, my mother is a drug addicted user so she lives by herself and havent spoke to her for a while, i somtimes sit down and think whether they think of me or not but its okay if they dont because at least im safe and continue to look after my baby brothers. Thank you for opening up to me

[Curious77]

I am so sorry that your family fell through the cracks as it sounds like your mum really needed outside help and she didn't get it and you have been suffering as a result. They say it takes a village to take care of a family and that just did not happen for you.

[India_L]

Curious77 thank you for reading what i had to say, I still wake up every morning feeling like im drowning my mother is really sick and has cancer she lives by herself now, i live with my grandparents

[Sophie_M]

Hi India L,

We are so sorry to hear that your mother has cancer. We understand that this would be overwhelming and give you the feeling of drowning. Please know that you don't have to go through this alone. Our community is here to chat through these feelings with you. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It sounds like you're in a really tough situation and it might help to talk it out with our health professional whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided.

It might also be worth getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/ Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer. 

[Warrierdown25]

Sorry for all that you experienced. Your writing is very good I am sure your book will help others I would love to read it.

[India_L]

Sophie_M, i already talk to headspace and kids help line

[Srfr]

Soberlicious,

Was grateful to read your response; I too experienced being a caregiver from 11-17 at home during mum’s cancer. As it was the ‘70’s (though not an excuse!) my mum was often left alone with her breast cancer....I cannot remember her receiving nursing support at home, but do remember changing bedsore wounds, cooking for my father & youngest brother & being ignored by my father (his tiredness/exhaustion) but now I know he had no emotional capacity..& so I developed numerous mental health rituals (starving myself, dissociation, shut down) so just want to say thanks for your support to this young woman & to myself, a not so young woman. Scared now with Covid; feel I’m regressed back to that younger self 😐 emotionally. Cannot find any words.