Find it a bit hard I fall apart but I hide it

[Friendly_guy]

Hi I struggle a bit in life but I hidde it well most of the time if anyone would see me they would think his a happy friendly guy nice family but inside I struggle . Maybe should tell you a little about what happened I was a bit behind if reading, spelling, writing, when I was a school the teacher would pull be up I front of class and make fun of me get the kids to laugh at me because of this and the teacher hit few times. I just did not understand spelling words writing there was so much confusion I can still feel those moments I was only 6 year old

my father was so horrible to mum I seen some really horrible things one of those times I remember mum screaming at me get your brother and sister and run to her friends house I was 8 years old

Mum one day called me inside I was playing outside with my sister and brother not doing anything wrong but mum called. Me in looked mad started screaming at me shaking me like mad she keeps screaming why you do that why you do that. But I did nuthing I went flying and all. My. To be hurt at the age of 9 so much confusion if my. Mind

All this things play in my mind like a movie ever now and then I tryed to live with it but the confusion hits me like I was just there some times I'll have a tear come Down I get migraine headaches from the stress I feel so bad went I get sick from. Work feel like Im letting them down and my family there so many more bad things almost feels never ending

I feel bad for wanting things. Because I feel selfish and sad.

I don't do well talk to counselors I

just wish I could make it all stop. Maybe some some can tell me a, way to to help myself get better

[quirkywords]

Friendly.guy,

Welcome to the forum.WEll donefor writing yourpost.This is a friendly, supporting and caring place.

It is sad that you have many upsetting memories.

You say you dont talk well to counsellors have you tried writing down your thoughts like you did in a post and giving it to a counsellor.

You are not alone. Many reading your post woul relate to your words as they too have painful memories from the past.

You are a very sensitive and caring person.

There is a supportline at Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 that offers support advice action.

Thaks for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Friendly guy,

Welcome to the forums, this is a safe place with kind and caring people who want to try and help you..

Im really sorry that you had to go through so much hurt as you were growing up and your struggling to cope with it all now..

Its hard to get those sad negative thoughts out of our mind at times and by remembering them it makes us depressed.

I tried to fix myself of depression for a couple of years and failed at it. Eventually I made an appointment with my gp and told him of how I was feeling, my fears, not wanting to get out of bed etc..She listened and gave me a referral to a psychologist where a mental health care plan was put into action and now I have improved, it's really very hard if not impossible to heal yourself of depression, Please can you try and get some professional help..( only suggesting professional help. it's up to you ).. if it's hard to talk to councillor. Other ways of doing that is to show the councillor the post you wrote above or as Quirky has suggested to write out on a piece of paper or book how your feeling, your fears, your worries,myour sadness, and then give what you wrote down to the councillor..

What I do when I have negative thoughts is to distract my thoughts onto something I like doing. Internet games, tv, puzzles, music, meditation, your mind can only think one thought at a time, so by doing what you like it gives your mind a rest from negative thoughts,..

This is your thread now Friendly guy, you cannpost anytime you feel up to it..I'll be looking forward to hearing how you get on...

Caring and kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[Doolhof]

Hi Friendly.guy,

I too welcome you to the community here. Sorry to read you had such a traumatic up bringing. My Mum suffered from dreadful depression when we were kids, she used to beat us up. She didn't know what she was doing or she had no way of stopping herself due to her illness.

I like to think that Mum had many problems of her own and she had no one to help her to change or help her in general.

The past can hurt like crazy, that is when I try to think of the good things as well. My parents didn't have much money. Each Birthday Mum would make us a cake and she would try to make us presents or Dad would knock something up out in the shed.

We always had food on the table to eat. We were allowed to have pets. We each had second hand pushbikes. Dad gave us some paint so we could paint the bikes and pretend they were new!

My childhood was not always happy or what I would have wanted. I have learnt many lessons from it though. I don't know what my parent's childhoods were like either. I do know that I can try to be the person I desire to be.

As children we have little control over what happens to us. We understand things from a child's perspective.

What has happened I can not change. I can change how those memories affect me. I can not forget, I can learn to forgive though and learn to move on.

Let the tears flow, they are healing. Try some deep breathing and see if that helps with the tension you feel.

Share here as much as you feel comfortable doing and like Quirky mentioned, writing out how you feel and giving that to a counsellor works well for me!

Cheers to you from Dools