Feeling dead inside today

[lilykitten]

I'm a single mum (secondary school teacher) and carer for an 18 yr old autistic daughter and 87 yr old mother. I'm generally a glass half full type of person but days like this are so disappointing.

I had given everyone prior notice it was going to be a stinking hot day and I wasn't going to leave the house. At 7 my daughter jumped on my bed wanting her daily drive to Maccas (over an hours round trip). i pointed out it was not in the plan but she retorted it was still early and hadnt got hot yet. By the time I was dressed, had breakfast and watered the garden it was 8am. Mum said she fancied walking down the street for breakfast and would I pick her up so I said if she goes now I could pick her up on my way home from maccas but she said she wasn't dressed yet. I commented it would be too hot later and she was upset. When I got back mum was insistent I fix the backdoor or the dog would escape. By the time I had finished this my daughter who is changing medications was very heightened and demanded another trip to Maccas because she was "Hangry". I compromised and said I would take her for a quick local ride but she continued to get even more heightened on the drive and almost killed us both grabbing the steering wheel and pulling my head below the dash by my hair as I was driving home because I refused to take her to Maccas again. on getting home what followed was 2 hours of threats and hysterics in my face and pinning me down so I couldnt get away from her because she wasnt getting her way. Eventually she calmed down after I gave her $50 I dont have for an online game. Then mum wanted to know what time I was taking her to the wine bar. I explained we were not going because it was too hot. She expressed her disappointment then started giving me jobs to water the garden. I explained it was to hot to lug the hoses around at 3pm and offered to do it later. To do it properly it will take hours. So in between all these demands I just sit there, smoke cigarettes and eat junk just waiting for my next assignment.

[Croix]

Dear Lilykitten~

People can give advice on using barriers and trying to say no to things, it is not that simple. sometimes simply to gain peace, sometimes to make the young adult or your mother happy you do waht they'd like. Sometimes it seems the only possible alternative.

The fact is of course that two high needs young adults and a demanding mother  - plus work - is simply too much for any one person to cope with successfully long term. I think you are pretty amazing to have come this far.

While it is easy for me to say you need support, I don't know enough about your circumstances to suggest much. I know your ex is no help. Do you have anyone in your life who you can lean on at all?  Also perhaps a combination of respite and counseling might be the best I could suggest.

I do know one thing, you were almost killed by your daughter's emotional and physical outburst in the car.  This was followed by violently pinning you down.  This is a  completely different level of danger from lack of cooperation, bad temper and shouting, though along the same lines but showing a frightening degree of escalation.

For you own physical safety do you have any ideas as to how to prevent these actions in the future? You life may be made pretty hard by taking effective action, however you will still be alive (sorry to be blunt)

Croix