Hi I’m new here! Dealing with life the best way I can.

[phatboislim68]

Hi I’m new here. Suffer from CPTSD from DV. Anxiety and depression.

I am in a good place right now. Probably the best I’ve been in many many years.

So why am I here then? 
Well I had gastric bypass surgery I was nearly  200 kgs, 19 months ago and I lost a lot of weight about 80kgs. 13 months after I had the gastric bypass surgery I had a perforated bowel that nearly ended things for me. I was give a 1 in 3 chance of survival and I spent 9 days in hospital and 4 and a half months of work recovering. 
But one thing has changed I feels angry a lot of the time, I snap at my loved one’s when I don’t mean to.

When I started back at work this anger found me standing up to people I couldn’t ever before, people who were bullying me, and belittling me. 

I am not comfortable with this and I don’t understand why am I so angry with what happened to me and how do I deal with this moving forward. Should I be talking to my GP?

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Phatboislim

You’ve been through a lot and it’s great to hear you are in a better place now.

The anger you are now experiencing may be a response to having suppressed anger in the past to survive. Sometimes when we start to get to a better place within ourselves the anger we’ve previously suppressed comes out, potentially quite strongly to begin with. Do you feel this may be what’s happening for you?

 I have a CPTSD history too. As I’ve processed certain traumas with a psych I’ve experienced sudden bursts of anger, sometimes seeming to come out of nowhere, then I’ve realised it’s stuff that was suppressed in me for years that needed to be released. I’ve looked for non-destructive ways to release it, including kicking a box around my lounge room and throwing a cushion into the couch. Basically getting that stored up energy out but in a way that isn’t hurting myself or anyone else.

It could be good to talk to your GP who could provide a referral to a psychologist with a mental health care plan which provides a Medicare rebate for up to 10 sessions. Ideally you would want to see someone who is trauma-informed, ideally in relation to CPTSD. There is also the Blue Knot Foundation who specialise in the area of CPTSD and they might be able to provide advice on ways moving forward with processing anger.

For those of us who’ve experienced CPTSD we’ve often endured boundary violations in the past. Finding yourself standing up to people who’ve bullied or belittled you in the past may actually be a good sign that you are now feeling able to defend your own boundaries. But it just might come out a bit strongly if it’s been suppressed before.

 I think it’s an organic process of learning that it’s ok to feel angry about certain things and to have anger that needs releasing from past experiences, and it’s just finding constructive, non-harmful ways of channelling that anger. Over time I think you move towards more of an equilibrium. Anger becomes assertiveness, a healthy protection of boundaries. I’ve found the initial rage that came out of me is settling into a calmer assertiveness and I’m gradually becoming less stressed around protecting my own boundaries (a source of great anxiety in the past). So the anger you’re experiencing may be a good sign that your nervous system is recalibrating and healing itself. It just can feel rocky to begin with.

[Croix]

Dear Phatboislim68~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum, a friendly place where if you look around you will find others who may have had to cope wiht similar circumstances.

I guess there are several things I thought of reading your post.

The first being I have PTSD, depression and anxiety (but not from domestic violence or abuse) and find my quickness in resorting to anger had increased over time. I think for me it is because my mind may be flat out wiht thoughts related to my experiences and anxieties and I've no capacity to deal with people as this is more pressure, though that's just a guess.

Mind you it's not all bad, like you I found it gave me impetus and motivation, and allowed me to say and do things I'd normally be too mild to have done.

Losing all that weight - and that brush wiht death - I would imagine will have changed you quite significantly and as a result you no longer have the patience wiht things you once did

It can be unsettling for this anger to be so near the surface, and would not be pleasant for those you care about. So perhaps seeing your doctor before it becomes an ingrained habit might be wise.

In my own case over time, and with the treatment I was having anyway, anger subsided and I returned to a much more even keel.  As well taking my partner to my psychiatrist and having my anger explained as a symptom, nothing to do with my regard for my partner, and nothing my partner had done wrong, made a big difference. My partner came not to take things so personally, which was a great deal of understanding, love and forbearance on her part.

You know you are welcome to talk here anytime

Croix