Fear of family is going to kill me

[Guest_26263721]

I don’t really know how to word it but my family is amazing i love them so much and they do everything for me i’ve never had any problems with them other then arguments with my dad. at night when i go to bed i have a constant fear they are going to stab me or kill me while i’m sleeping, but sometimes i’m scared i would be the one to kill them and i know i would never but at night i feel so much fear i can’t even walk to the bathroom cause i’m scared. i also have a fear that i will walk into my dad taking his life and it scares me bc we don’t have the best relationship. i can’t tell my family how i feel bc i’m scared they will be frighten by me what do i do ? 

[Sophie_M]

Hey there,
 
Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing with us here. It sounds like this could have been really tough to write about. It is a lot to be carrying by yourself and understandably very upsetting. Intrusive and distressing thoughts like this can be something a lot of people experience and it is important that this can be a space where you can openly share what you are experiencing.
 
We’re reaching out to check you’re ok. In the meantime, we’d really encourage you to give us a call at the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  

• Beyond Blue  

• Kids Helpline  

• Lifeline  

• Headspace (9am-1am AEST)  
   

Hopefully, you’ll hear from this lovely community soon. Maybe you could help them along by letting us know what kind of support you have at the moment, and if anyone around you is helpful or understanding with how you’re feeling? 
 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M 

[Newaroundhere]

• Hi there. Thank you for sharing your pain. I know what that immense fear feels like. I overcame the worst of my fears, which at it's worst I was afraid to go into the loungeroom at night and afraid to leave the house. And I overcame it through prayer and taking little steps each day. Day 1 was just going to the letterbox. When nothing bad happened then I could take a bigger step the next day. Now I can't imagine being that person again. But it breaks my heart to think that you have been dealing with it on your own. Being afraid constantly. If your family is as loving as you believe they are (except your dad) then I think they would want to know about your pain and to support your recovery. Let them ❤️

[Alyssia]

I go through the same thing. Im sorry I domt have answers for you I dont know why it happens. I’ve experienced it on and off for over a decade, since I was about 11 or 12. 
I would be kept up late or all night because I was so scared my family was going to come in and hurt me, I would even barricade the door when I slept sometimes. my family never hurt me though and they never would so I dont know why this happens.

in adulthood I have baby locked my bedroom door from the inside to sleep and now I sometimes get scared my partner is trying to poison me.

it has gotten better though, because I know deep down that its not real. It just took a while for my brain and body to learn that.

im sorry if this hasn't really helped but I thought I would at least tell you you’re not alone in this.