I dont trust anyone anymore

[Vanysvv]

Hi, im female 31years old.. My childhood was messed up. In abuse relationship for 3 times.When something bad happen to me, my brain automatically forget the details of accident,. And i continued my life as nothing ever happened to me. And recently i been in domestic violence. The most bad one i been thro, and again i forget what happen and after few month something trigger me and I remembered everything that have happenned to me. everything felt came to end. I been thro something hell and end up been diagnosed with major depression and cptsd.Its almost 3 week now i cant go out from my house, a week with trial medicine. Do you think i will healed from this as im tired of life, i forced myself to get help coz i have my two cat depend on me. 

[indigo22]

Hi Vanysvv,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am so sorry to hear of all the past challenges you have been through. It is not surprising that you are now dealing with depression and cpsd.

I am glad to hear you are getting some professional help, it may take some time, but will help you in recovering from all you have experienced. Sometimes when our experiences are too much to bear, we do block them in order to survive. My guess is that with age you are now in a better position to face these experiences.

I am also glad you have your two cats to give you support through this time, they are sensitive to what we are going through emotionally and offer unconditional love to help us heal.

I cannot promise you that you will be completely healed from your trauma, that will depend a great deal on you and how much work you put into healing yourself. What I can promise is that it will get easier with time than it is right now. It helps a great deal to immerse yourself in books that help you understand your reactions to what you have been through. If you would like some suggestions, I would be happy to offer them.

For now, all I can suggest is that you be gentle and kind to yourself, don't put pressure on yourself, give yourself some love by doing things that make you feel better. This could be spending time in nature, a relaxing bath, a daily walk (if you can manage it), listening to music that you love, spending time with your cats, and most of all eating healthy food as this will help to nourish your brain as well as your body.

There are many here who have similar experiences, so I would also suggest that you have a look at some of the posts in this section of the forum (providing they are not triggering for you), as they may help with some tools that others have learned to help them cope.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/ptsd-and-trauma/bd-p/c1-sc2-b3

I hope this is of some help to you, please feel free to continue this conversation if you feel comfortable doing so.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Scared]

I agree with Indigo comments.

You take care your cats but also need to take care of youself.

We can take care ourself by choosing not to be in violent situation. Changing your situation starts by believing you dont deserve and dont accept violence in your life.   This process can start now no matter where you are by telling youself you deserve a better life free from domestic violence .  Because everybody deserves this.   You can start by practising this self talk everyday and only if you feel safe you can say it to your partner that you deserve to live in a non violent relationship because you are now beginning to believe that.

When you start to really believe that you deserve better then you can begin to stand up or make changes for yourself.

Your cats need you so you need to be healthy for them too.  
In airplane travel in case of emergency the flight stewards in the safety brief tell you to put on oxygen mask first before you help children and others.

They say this so you stay strong and healthy so you can help others or in your case help your cats.

Its important that you believe that you deserve a non violent life and to change how things are you sow a seed of what is ok and what is not.

Then explore options of resources that are available to help you become free of violence