Domestic violence & Male survivors

[Ploughman]

Hi All, here's my story. Three years ago I was attacked by my wife. It wasn't the first time I was abused by her, but it was certainly the most violent. I stayed in the 9 year marriage because very early in we had a daughter and I stayed because of her. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I finished with therapy in February because we came to the decision that I have got the tools to cope and I was doing OK. Some days I am OK, but some days I'm not. I cope ugly. I just wish that when people talk about DV, even experts, they could mention Male survivors. I feel that I don't have a voice and because domestic violence comes up in the media often it cuts deep into me. No one talks about male survivors, I feel like I am treated as nothing. Over the years I never hit my wife, but she hit me. Funnily enough it was my Psychologist who told me I was a survivor of DV, I thought it was something that men did to women. I just wish that people would speak the truth about it. Thank you for reading my post.

[Ploughman]

Thank you James 1. I am feeling pretty down and alone. My daughter has gone to spend her two days a week at her mother's and will be back after school on Tuesday. It's on Sunday's when all the fear and regrets and everything associated with my marriage hits. Her mother has gone to the family dispute resolution service wanting to have more time. There is a counsellor going to have kids talk with my daughter at the end of June. I am scared that I will lose her, that she doesn't want to be with me. I don't know how to talk to my daughter. How do I tell her about PTSD and what it has done to me over the last few years. Everything feels like it is closing in. I did nothing wrong but there is a feeling that I am going to be the loser here. That I am trapped in this. I really feel like running away. After everything happened, I was drinking every day but then in July last year I got sick of waking up feeling terrible and stopped drinking, but over the last month it's come back again while my daughter is away. I don't want to, and I'm scared but I need to get back to see a psychologist again. Just to get everything out of my head. Anyway thank you for reaching out to me again. Don't know what to say.

[james1]

Hello Ploughman

I'm sorry to hear those two days a week are particularly hard. It sounds like the whole situation is getting scary again as you come up to the end of June, and seeing a psychologist again could be helpful for you. Do you have anything booked in?

I have not experienced your level of trauma, but I share my dog with my ex and the days I give him back are the worst ones. Thankfully my ex and I have a good relationship still so I'm not worried about losing my dog, but I get quite upset to think that I don't have as much time with him as I would otherwise have had.

James

[FireAndIce84]

Hi Ploughman,

I see you and I believe you.

I am a survivor of domestic violence from a male perpetrator, but I have also witnessed first hand domestic violence against my brother-in-law who eventually committed suicide a few years ago because no one would believe him and blamed him as the perpetrator while my sister walked away scot free with his house, his business and with his insurance money to boot after his death. I spoke up for him with the police and in court, but I still couldn't save him.