Desperately seeking reassurance

[Lick]

I was sexually abused at the age of 10 by a family friend and now I’m paying the price . I’m 60 years old in March .

3 yrs ago I finally started to get professional support but also advised via email to my parents how my Dads words about the abuse has had a great impact on my mental health .

my Dad said I deceived him , he feels sorry for my other sister ( who was abused ), he thought him and I were good .I deserved it , get over it and the past is the past .

when the perpetrator tried to abuse me I snapped and ran as fast as my little legs would take me .My Dad was waiting for me to get home as back in the days you were free to play at the park as it was safe .When I walked in the door my Dad made me stand on the kitchen chair and accused me of being over at the river by myself , I told my Dad that’s a lie but he continued to belt me for ages , I felt so seek I lied and said I needed to go to the toilet .

this was the punishment I got because the perpetrator lied as a form of punishment because I rang from his bedroom .

i spend years looking after my 3 children as a single mum

and put my needs aside .

my Dad and mum

snd my sister continue to not talk and o find my already bad mental health going down hill even more .I started therapy due to being suicidal and when I reached out to my older sister about 3 years ago she shut me down and said she doesn’t know how to deal with me and hung up over the phone .

theres lots of family dramas going on within my family with other sisters who straight away get support , follow up phone calls to check on there welfare but with me it’s different .

i feel extremely abandoned, really mad and just simply don’t want any thing to do with my family but my conscious is telling me otherwise .

i want to cut ties as I’m not spoken to any way but fear I’m going to be the worst person in the world .

i have grandchildren now and am really busy with enjoyable things to do but if I choose to not attend a family get together I’m made to feel

bed 

I can’t win either way but this is affecting my sleep , is cutting ties the best thing as I think it is but want reassurance 

Thank you for your much valued and needed response 

[2024-01-11]

Hello again Lick

I have just replied to your post from 2022 and came across this one. This post is definitely more in-depth and telling. I'm really sorry you went through the sexual abuse. AND, for your father to treat you the way he did when it happened, AND tell you that you deserved it - a 10 year old child for God's sake! - AND THEN continually dismiss your feelings as "the past is the past", makes me very angry!! I am very, very sorry Lick. The aftermath was in many ways as bad, if not worse. My husband often says that you should have a license to be a parent, but that would mean that you and I would not be here today! It's horribly ironic that parents you rely upon are sometimes the very people that you "cannot." Back when you and I were 10 years old, which was the late 1960's and early 1970's, there was next to no recognition for mental trauma when little girls like us were sexually abused. It took me a long, long, long time to get past what happened, and I often wonder how I would be today if I had lived a more ideal childhood. You and I will never know because we have that ingrained haunting memory.

This forum could really open a lot of doors for you. Sharing your life and empathizing with those who share your experiences could be of great benefit. To help a person who is in genuine need, even in an online platform such as Beyond Blue, could boost your mental wellbeing a lot. Perhaps your family will witness some kind of transformation and respond in a more positive way to you??? Perhaps you will no longer depend on them for support, because it seems that their presence in the way you have needed them is "Underwhelming" to say the least. Bring your fabulous self to the fore and make your inner self shine. Do the family get togethers ONLY on YOUR terms and find some way to deal with the guilt so that all they see in you is a happy and liberated human being with a joy for life. Who knows, eventually you may find THEM seeking YOU out, because they want YOUR good influence in THEIR life.

I have a 3 year old grandchild that I babysit regularly. I would do anything for my grandchild, and my grown-up children. Make sure your grandchildren and grown-up children are your main focus. They deserve the very best of you so that they in turn can be the very best for their offspring. Turn lemons into lemonade and use your experience to advocate for closing that unfortunate loop of pain and unhappiness in families, that come from dark childhood experiences and lack of family understanding and support. 

If I could place a magic wand over your heart to heal you I would!! You have my very best of wishes Lick.

2024-01-11

[Lick]

Thank you so much for your input and to tell you the truth it bought tears to my eyes .

Of course you have valid input and I’ll keep your words with me 

take care 

x