Coping With a Touch Phobia

[LostonaForum]

Okay so I have a phobia of people touching me, this phobia is the result of living with an abusive parent when I was a child. The way my touch phobia works is that I cannot stand it when people touch me I feel scared and (this sounds very dramatic) violated. I also struggle to be able to touch other people so I avoid any and all physical contact and intimacy. The problem is that not everyone who goes in for a hug or handshake knows this and even though it's hard I push through it is physically trying for me and sometimes it takes hours for me to feel safe again. I don't want to say no and give them no reason as to why because i'm probably going to offend them and ruin alot of relationships, but I don't want to tell everyone I meet about this phobia or the fact that I had an abusive parent. Is there some way to work around this?.

Note: I am seeing help about this but it doesn't get better overnight.

[startingnew]

Hello and welcome to BB

This is something i struggle with to due to abuse in my past as well. it can be very awkward and leave us feeling triggerred when we encounter touch. I havent really worked out the answer to this either but i think it involves alot of time and retraining the brain that not all touch is bad. Sorry im not much help but just letting you know that your not alone in this.

[geoff]

Hello LostonaForum, please let me welcome you to the forum.

Any type of phobia is devastating it's scary but unfortunately some of us have to handle it, mine is when birds fly around me, so I couldn't in any way hop into an aviary.

Your phobia is called Haphephobia and correct me if I'm wrong, but there is a program called 'desensitisation', this will gradually allow you to accept overcoming this phobia in small stages, it's something a psychologist can help with, or you can do it yourself, but it's probably a good idea for your psychologist to teach you how to do it.

Just wondering whether or not you heard about it, and I don't like to give people information to research but this is the exception.

Please let me know.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi LostonaForum,


Thanks for your post and I appreciate you sharing this with us. I hope that since you’ve gotten replies you’re not feeling so lost anymore!

What you’re feeling makes complete sense and I have been through similar situations. Even though people don’t realise it, such as simple touch can be a total violation of your personal space and your safety. I’m glad that you’re here and seeing a therapist as well.

There are a couple of things that come to mind in helping you work around it.

Be okay with saying no to physical contact and intimacy. You don’t have to explain why. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can say something as simple as “oh I’m not a hugger! Thanks though”. This is much easier said than done, but it does get easier over time. The more that you practice it, the better at saying no you will be. You may even want to start with someone that you completely trust (like friend/family/therapist) so that they can receive that no and you can say it.

Sometimes people develop their own sorts of techniques to avoid touch in the beginning - like making sure theres a physical barrier between them (like a desk or a table), or holding glasses to avoid handshakes; or even subtle body postures.
I understand too about how you don’t want to offend people or ruin relationships, but at the end of the day this is about you keeping you safe, and that to me is worth more than offended people or ruined relationships.

The other thing that I was thinking is to find ways to help you feel safe so that it doesn’t take hours. Again, easier said than done (everything is, isn’t it?!) but the fact that you have been able to make yourself feel safe means that you will be able to do it - again and again.

I hope this helps a little!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi LostonaForum,

I just stumbled across this image today and it instantly made me think of you and this post -

https://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/hugging-etiquette-flowchart-for-introverts/

Introvert or not, I think it's pretty helpful etiquette as to whether you should hug or not 🙂