Begin Again: Starting again after abuse

Wrieghn · ‎11-05-2018

My story started when, after suffering depression and an eating disorder, i was raped at 17. It then happened again at 19. I was also sexually harassed In a scary way at various jobs. When i was 20 I ended up getting into a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He wasn't abusive right away, it happened slowly. Over time he became more controlling and verbally abusive, then slowly the physical and sexual abuse started. About 3 years into the relationship I got sick, very sick. My ex would steal my pain medication and was very controlling about me seeking medical care. At one point i was in agony for almost a week before he let me seek care and I ended up needing to be hospitalised for nearly a week. After 4 and a half years i finally managed to leave him but he continued to threaten and harass me. After 7 months of going back and fourth to court I finally got a year long family violence order. That was a month ago. I have since been diagnosed with complex PTSD and after having to leave my studies and work due to stress and abuse related physical illness (which i have been in and out of hospital for 18 times in the past 2 years or so) I find myself starting my adult life all over again at 26. It's hard beginning again but with baggage, not knowing where to start or get help. I guess I will just have to work is out as I go.

Doolhof · ‎12-05-2018

Hi Wrieghn,

Welcome to the community here. I am so very sorry to read your story. A lot of it I can relate to myself. My first husband was extremely abusive in so many ways. I managed to run away when he went to the bottle shop for more alcohol and had nothing but the clothes I was wearing and my hand bag.

If you don't mind me asking, are you receiving some counselling now? Are you living in a safe place? Do you have family and friends for support? You don't need to answer any of this if you don't want to.

Do you have a regular Dr you see? Are they able to help you with finding support?

If you feel like you need to talk to someone, you can use the phone support line here at Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.

Please know this forum is a non judgemental place. We all try to help and support each other as best we can. None of us are professionals. Just people who care or who have experienced mental health issues or are trying to understand them.

Cheers to you from Dools

Wrieghn · ‎14-05-2018

Hi Dools,

I'm sorry to hear that but happy that you were strong enough to leave.

I am currently living safely with my supportive parents. I'm not currently seeing a councillor or anything but I am trying to find appropriate mental health support and my regular GP has been very helpful with that.

I find it can be very therapeutic to talk to people who know what you're going through and knowing you are not alone.

Thanks from Wrieghn

Doolhof · ‎14-05-2018

Hi Wrieghn,

It is good to know you are in a safe place and that you have a supportive Dr. That is certainly a good start. Hopefully you will find a counsellor who is able to help and assist you.

One thing I have had to learn is to try to let go of the pain of those past hurts. Forgetting is not really an option, trying to not allow the memories to hurt so much helps with healing.

I also realise that at the time of the abuse, I did what I could to survive. It is not easy to leave an abusive relationship for many different reasons. People have asked me why I stayed with him in the first place. Sometimes it is not that easy to just walk away.

For now I feel it will be helpful for you to find a professional to chat with, to work through your emotions and thoughts and to also find ways to make each day a better one for yourself.

We have a glorious day of sunshine here, so after lunch I am going to go for a walk and listen to the birds in the area and see the green that is popping up since recent rains.

Trying to find something to be grateful for each day might help you recognise more positives as well.

Cheers for now from Dools