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Abuse
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Do you feel abused by anyone? If so, why do you feel there's no escape, that you are permanently tied to that person? Have you sought help and how did that go?. R U OK? Remember, we are anonymous, you are safe here. I'd like you to chat here.
To a lady stranger abused by her partner.
RETURNING SHADOW
There is a shadow of your life that follows you around
Like every shadow here, they never make a sound
And just as you want to leave that shadow makes you stay
Then you return to life, just like any other day
There are many that left their shadow behind
To seek freedom of love and life of a different kind
To be so bold and not be told, to be treated as a woman grown
To think for yourself, and make choices of your own
Only then will your shadow relax and reappear
With thumbs up and no longer reason for any fear
A sign will arrive that you fought for all the rights you should have had
Smiles from your shadow and no longer trace of feeling sad
You'll blossom into that girl you used to be
The one that twirled her dress as if forever free
And the love will come to you as it does with effort more
Just like it does from the ocean to the shore
As you grow older and watch your children dance
You'll smile away because- you fought for a second chance
And as you seek the sun that shadow reappears
To give you that elusive smile and a thousand fewer tears....
TonyWK
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Hi Tony
I wish to thank you so much for your post and for bringing some much needed revelations to light for me. I face a time of incredible torment regarding a sibling of mine. I have been trying so hard to make sense of the struggles I have faced in my relationship with them over the years. While their treatment of me has now come to a head, I am filled with so many questions, including whether to continue seeing them.
While they can genuinely and truly be the kindest most deeply feeling compassionate and selfless person at times, at other times they can be degrading, withholding, self focused, heartbreaking and more. Well this is interesting🤔...I'm now starting to cry as I write this. I can feel something starting to come up😁. While I face trying to better understand their ultimate true nature and their darker side, I question where the carefree dress twirling part of me goes to when I am with them at times.
You've given me a vision, in regard to a shadow being cast. While I bathe in the glow of my brother's approval, the brilliance and inspiration of his wisdom, the warmth of his love towards me etc, there remains a shadow behind me. As I now turn around to face it in my mind and ask it 'What are you?', the words that enter my head are 'I am a reflection of the love you have never felt for yourself, I am the disapproval of who you are, I am your emptiness you feel and all the sadness that comes with that'. Okay, Tony, now I'm really off and running. There are tears flowing down my cheeks😭😂. I'm crying and laughing at the same time. Btw, I like to be the observer of myself, so as to better understand myself, hence the personal amusement. Tony, I've never fully and truly loved myself, never fully approved of myself, never fully rejoiced or found incredible joy in who I am. Don't get me wrong, I do like myself and believe I'm a good person. I've often said to people 'My brother is the last frontier before entering into the territory of high self esteem'. He's always been the person who I've struggled with the most, when it comes to not seeking approval or acceptance. Apparently, it was never about him.
I've felt myself on the verge (of change) a lot lately. With our mother having passed away this time last year and our father having passed away last week, I know this verge has been about reaching the end of something before beginning a new part of my life. Tony, while I've been trying to make so much sense of the verge, this cliff's edge between what was and new territory, I now make this leap of faith with a developing sense of self love, self approval and a soulful sense of everything I have within me that will lead me to soar. Thank you so much, so very much, as I feel myself now taking a much needed leap without relying on another person's approval of my flying abilities😁. Btw, I know my brother has his own shadow and I better recognise his struggles now (those which have been very similar to mine). He has a history that has tested him greatly in many ways. While I still love him very much, I no longer rely on him. In my relationship with him, this is the first time I have ever felt truly free. All very interesting indeed😊. Thanks again, so very much.
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Dear the rising.
As a poet, its the ultimate success if I hit the mark and expose emotions. To draw out that inner girl at such an emotional time... you might run out of tears.
Its sad there is a dark side to your brother, that side is him as is the good side. We cant cherry pick only minimalise through limits. Reducing contact is ok but rarely works.
I had family friends from childhood. A couple I grew fond. When I cut off my mother in 2010 I slowly adopted that couple as mother and mate. He passed 2 years ago and she Jan 2026. But I proved that my mother "seemingly" with love had a narcissistic main character that I could quasi replace. Better to adopt a kind stranger than a flawed one in the bloodline.
SHADOW WARRIOR
A single digit of hand
Proud shadow of yours
Tells his shadow where to go
His shadow hides
Seeking an escape yours chases siamising, countering
But shadows fight
His tries to laugh, single digit return
Love your shadow, she's amazing..
(TonyWK)
Wit- the only answer to torment, is a post I wrote that help counter the untoward comments from others.
Wit - the only answer for torment? - Beyond Blue Forums - 71440 https://share.google/yC2qIyfWp8nnJhH8m
After building two caravans a friend visited. His arrogance showed as he spewed advice after criticism. We kept silent. My then partner said "so how many caravans have you built". 7 words to shut down.
You know you have every reason to love yourself, your achievements on this forum proves that.
The best praise you'll ever get - Beyond Blue Forums - 134999 https://share.google/grhRPXkG9WaQQ66Yx
Today the sun is shining through the leaves, the wonder only interrupted by the lick on my cheek from our foxy pup.
TonyWK
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Hi Tony
This shadow work is very interesting. While I've heard of shadow work, I've never felt the need to look into it all that much until now. If I imagine my inner analyst, it's rubbing it's hands together advising 'Okay, here we go, we're in for a bumpy ride. Don't worry though, you're going to come out the other side a changed woman'. With your words creating a visual for me, I can imagine observing my own shadow interacting with my brother's shadow and even my sister's to some degree and I must say it's rather revealing. I'm already gaining a greater understanding when it comes to our natures. There's nothing quite like the passing of both parents to suddenly bring up a whole load of stuff. 'Hmmm...very interesting', says my inner analyst.
With the wit side of things, we inherited this from our mother. She was a natural. She knew when to dial it up and dial it down. Unfortunately, my brother has a tendency to lose control of the dial sometimes. What can begin as a humorous bit of quick wit fencing can end with some serious personal stabs and wounds. A little more shadow work there Tony. Why do I go to a corner to feel my wounds? Why do I not say 'Enough! That one hurt. You need to dial it down, take a step back'? I suppose the personal attacks are strategic moves on the part of the other person. Kinda like 'If I get a really good jab in, my opponent will know to back off'. I understand to a degree why my brother's become such a controlling person, calling all the moves. With a history of mental and emotional challenges faced through times that were completely out of his control, the idea is possibly 'Nothing can go wrong as long as I control situations and people'. He's faced some traumatic and terrible times in his life. I imagine some of the need for control is born out of fear.
Tony, I shall begin practicing some self praise. I will begin bringing the inspirational praiser in me to life more often. I have a stack of sticky notes to write on, to trigger it to life. Maybe starting with a note on the bathroom mirror that reads 'Look at you, starting your day as a star. Don't forget to shine, sweetie. Show me how you shine'. Bit of a prompt for some jazz hands action there. Actually, now that I think of it, I used to get my kids to do this when they were little. I'd say 'Show me how you shine'. They'd roll their eyes before smiling and raising their hands into a fluttering action.
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So interesting this chat,
I didnt know "shadow work" was a thing. Like many topics I've covered many are not new, hoever I dont read much as my focus has never been lengthy, so topics come from within my own thoughts, imagination and experience. Same with my inventions, I used to spend days inventing something only to google it and find its already been thought of, tested and successful years earlier lol.
I put it down to insight and self awareness. Some poems are changed to suit the interactions I have. eg my last poem in y last post came from-
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Hi Tony
It's definitely and interesting chat and extremely helpful in many ways.
I get what you mean about ideas/concepts coming to mind that you find are already a thing. I like to imagine the theory that everything already exists in the field of consciousness. Whether we tap into that field and how we tap into it helps determine our level of access and success. Different forms of meditation can be a good way to tap in. Basically, quiet the mind while opening it at the same time. A little more to it than that but it's a start. New information or forms of inspiration can't enter into a noisy mind or a closed one. There is great consciousness within us too, waiting to be accessed at any time.
I love the idea that what we observe holds a teaching moment. Whether it's a cheeky shadow noticed for the first time or a trellis on a wall that reminds us life is already structured and it's up to us how we manage to weave a plant or our way through it (choice of direction), there are many teaching moments for an open mind to learn through. An open mind, a sense of wonder, a vivid imagination amongst other things are the childhood gifts we cannot afford to lose. A sense of humor or quick wit must also be maintained. I think I need to exercise them a little more at times😊.
Family dynamics are definitely interesting at times. The stuff we tolerate, hey. A bit like marriage at times. They way we're tied to people through beliefs, needs and a whole stack of other things can lead to a lot of questioning (including self questioning). And it is amazing how quickly and easily a line can be drawn when our kids are involved. Something in us can suddenly rise up and say 'Nup, you've gone to far with that one. That's not how you speak about or treat my child'. Seeing we'd do just about anything for those we love the most, that should include ourself too.
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I have many forks in the embers. Among them is astronomy or rather the human race in terms of if aliens exist
One astrophysicist said there is maybe only one civilisation in every galaxy. With trillions of stars and 10 times more plants in the goldilocks zone thats such a small percentage. How lucky are we?
It reminds me of the man I follow Prem Rawat Maharaji, in one video he went over valuing a breath of air. Such an underrated physical process. His amazing perspective.
Yes, interesting
TonyWK
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Hi Tony
You're a truly wonderful person, so jam packed full of wonder. From the universe through to a shadow cast, there is definitely so much to wonder about in this world. An open mind is an incredible gift. Knowing when and how to perfectly open and close the mind is well worth mastering. While we may never find perfection or absolute mastery, it's important to give it a damn good go throughout our lifetime. We're never too old to learn how to master an open mind. 😊
I can recall happening upon Prem Rawat about 20 years ago, when first coming out of long term depression. He definitely inspires an open mind while offering great and gentle words of wisdom. I've come across many soulful teachers since then, including Michael A. Singer. I was listening to Singer's words just the other day and found them to be exactly what I needed to hear. They were along the lines of...if we find peace within ourself, we stop seeking a sense of peace outside of ourself. If we find acceptance (of ourself) within ourself, we stop seeking to be accepted. If we find value in ourself, there is no need to be valued by others. If we find all the love we need within ourself, we stop seeking to be loved. And on it went. If we master such things then there is no need to find peace, to be accepted, to be valued and to be loved. Any added sense of peace, acceptance, value or love is just a welcomed bonus.
When I really listened to Singer's words, I suddenly felt a sense of release. I don't need my brother, I don't need my parents (who are no longer physically here) and I don't need others to give me elements I truly need to develop within myself. Of course, we have other needs we can't deny, such as the need for inspiration or encouragement at times. When parts of our path seem dark and we can be feeling so lost, it is those like yourself Tony who light the way with an open mind, a sense of wonder, inspiration and encouragement. Thank you for helping light the way throughout such an incredibly challenging time in my life.
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Thankyou for your words of appreciation, dont worry, I've learned a lot from you also especially my real "feelings". I'll be looking at Singers work today, you've inspired me.
I lived in a country town many years ago when I heard one tape from Prem Rawat... he said to find a hill and sit on the top, hear nothing, close ones eyes and watch a sunset... it might have been one of his videos called "appreciate". I was surrounded with hills so chose one and began walking. Finally I got to the top far too early for the sunset but I began to sit. I was on a boulder and closed my eyes. I purposefully only had my house key on me and left a note for my wife so I had no worries. Initially my mind wandered, my typical intrusive thoughts, my past bosses, narcissistic family members but a whip bird sound stopped all that. It was the switch needed to begin thinking of nothing. I had learned of using positive triggers as an ultimate excuse to switch my mind away from the negative.
But I knew I'd restart with those thoughts so I began my muscle tensioning exercises and typically once finished I was sleepy, laid back until the sunset began. Prem Rawat said a sunset lasts 2 hours so I waited motionless, eyes just a little open and thats when a small bird, dont know what type as I didnt turn my head, landed on my shoulder for about 2 seconds then flew away. I watched that sunset till dark then walked home lucky to have my torch. I only ever needed to do that once. As Maharaji says "have you ever seen a sunset? A sunset lasts 2 hours... now how many of you have watched a sunset"?
So thats a 5 minutes video - google - youtube prem rawat sunset
That video places my mind on a high level of emotion, taps into a place I value so greatly. Helped by the background music.
I honestly believe only a low percentage of people arrive on a plain thats in that zone. It's hard to describe. I'm not religious but I'd imagine some religious people are up there on a similar emotional plain when they pray or feel the love of their God as opposed to those that think they do. For me that would also be a trap because under those church rules I couldnt remove people that harm me from my life for example. "Forgive them for they dont know what they do" is ok, fine, I can do that, as long as they are no longer in my life.
THE CUPBOARD
They ponder they do
Some but we don’t know who
For it in their own head they ask
How could all those guilty
Hide so many skeletons
In their cupboard?
They check their own wardrobe
It bare, no skeleton, they sigh with relief
While they ask they not aware
As they get dressed for another day
Put clothes upon their own skeleton
They carry around with them
-all the damn time……
(TonyWK)
So this marshmellow has slowly formed a cement boundary that took forever to set. At 70 it has set and I'm happier than ever. I hold my granddaughter 14 week old in my hands and resist crying until she's removed, then it flows as much as my value of her. Inner peace, so wonderful, as Maharaji says "I'm alive".
TonyWK
TonyWK
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