Abuse Survivor Stories: How did you learn to love yourself after?

[survivor_angel]

I am 23 years old, and recently gotten out of a two years abusive relationship. It has been a month since I left him and currently proud that I am in no contact. My ex was much older than me, and for the most part, he appeared very charming, loving and the perfect one in the beginning of the relationship.

I should have recognise the signs such as he controlling ways, possessiveness and jealousy in the beginning but I took that as he cared and wanted to be a part of my life because he loved me. He kept me on a high from the start controlling when I could see him. Things took a bad turn when we started living together, then came the verbal swearing, the punching of walls and blaming me for everything that externally went wrong. I was accused of cheating and he started using my past which I opened up to him about early on and he was the one who asked me to tell him. I had two jobs then, and he asked me to quit one job promising that he wants to take care of me and spend more time with me only to blame me when we are financially short.

Then came the physical abuse, and by then time, I was in trouble. He started by hitting me every once in two months, and the cycle got shorter. He used to apologise everytime after he hit me but it got shorter. As he switches from loving me, hitting me the next and then loving me again within a span of an hour.

To make things worst he was a professional fighter and he was much bigger than me. Four weeks ago, I nearly suffocated and died when he a I was in hospital. The police had to arrest him, despite so he tells everyone that it was my fault and I deserve to be hit and made false accusations on social media against me.

Now, I have an IVO order in place and slowly recovering. I promise to learn and love myself and heal. Any advice from fellow survivors?

[white knight]

Hi sa, welcome

Where do I start? Firstly, he has issues. They are not YOUR issues, they are his.

Next is abuse. Google these

Topic: the definition of abuse, what is IT?- beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue

The important thing in that thread is a/ your line in the sand ad to what you determine as abuse and b/ what society determines as abuse.

Now that you are free from his uncontrollable anger you are at a new beginning.

When I had to rebuild my emotional wellbeing in 19996 following 11 years of marriage with a clever woman, I had to work on my confidence. It is explained fully here

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

There is a basic need to return to being positive. Oi was lucky in that although one week prior to me walking away from my marriage (and leaving two young daughters behind) I was suicidal, I had in 1982 embraced a new positive frame of mind overnight. Read

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

So I found a rebounding inner self 5 minutes after leaving. My motivation?...I'm going to get my life back

...and I did.

Tony WK

[lizzie50]

Hi!

Firstly, being 23 myself i am very sorry for what you went through.

I cant relate to physical trauma and abuse, however the emotional and mental abuse i have endured also. Reading the first section of your post i thought it was written by me. I was with someone for nearly 2 years, never offical as he was scared of commitment. He is a narcissist and your ex sounds like one also, constantly being manipulated and controlled. Whatever happened between us was on his terms, i was always walking on eggshells wondering what the next argument was going to be about, what he was going to accuse me of doing next. He accused me of cheating and created this elaborate ridiculous story but in his twisted mind its the truth. Internally he had many insecurities, fears and mental health issues he refused to acknowledge or accept which may be the same case for your ex. Refusing to take blame for anything and shifting it all onto you, its traumatising. My ex left me the day he first said i love you then 5 mins later called me a lying cheat. Blocked me off everything and since then has just abused me emotionally more degrading and ruining me. Looking back on it, i should of gotten out a lot sooner and it would of saved my mental health the extreme damaged that i now deal with. Everything my ex accused me of was what he did to me, his inner issues and insecurities he reflected upon me. He was a coward and was too scared. I suggest seeking professional help, it helped me a lot. Even though you still have bad days i have come along way.

I cant give much experience from physical abuse but no one should ever endure that pain from someone they love and trusted. You seem like a strong person, talking in here is always a good outlet.

Stay strong x

[HopefuG]

Reading your story sounds so similar to mine, you are very brave for having left and staying no contact, well done. Your ex sounds like a psychopath which is what my ex is, I had no idea that they really existed until I started going to DV counselling and now I can spot them as soon as I meet them. I suggest you get some counselling with a DV counsellor it really helped me she also gave me the advise of stay educated and always stay one step ahead of him. I still have a long way to go as I am now suffering PTSD but I know once I see a specialist to help me I will get back on top of the world. I am here anytime if you need to chat. Stay strong, remain no contact.