Abandoned and dissapointed once again

ElyseH · ‎15-05-2017

I am currently dealing with childhild abuse. My mum has never shown she cares about this issue considering it was a family member i was abused by. As she was abused by her brother when she was a child as well. I had a few traumatic relationships over the years. I never felt the support of my parents or understanding growing up and to add to that dealing with rejection, abandonment and anxiety issues from relationships. I recently started dating someone. I was anxious about dating but he must have gotten into my head. We werent dating for long before he told me out of the blue we would be better as friends. This has been extremely traumatising because he made me believe that i was actually worth it. He was the luckiest guy. He really liked me. Everything seemed botmal one day then the next it was all unexpected. Some of my friends dont seem to understand. None is around for me but when they need someone im always the person to put everything down. So to not have your own mother care about your situation, to go through the same issue with relationships over again. All i have experienced is abandonment and disappointment and shown that my feelings are not valid. How am i meant to continue like this.

Yesterday i cried in bed all afternoon woke up through the night crying and so far today cried in bed all morning. On a cancellation list with both my psychologist and dr today and i am completely alone.

white knight · ‎15-05-2017

Hi elyseH, welcome

So important when we hit an all time low that we realise we need to go through the grieving period before we find us coming out of it. At that point we can move forward. Until then its trauma and time is the only healer.

I've had four ling term relationships over 7 years each. Every one of them were hell to recover from. Then I met my wife and boy, she is amazing. I want to encourage you to keep going until that special person comes along.

We are hear to listen if you'd like to post your feelings.

Tony WK

romantic_thi3f · ‎16-05-2017

Hi ElyseH,

Welcome to the forums and a warm welcome to you.

Thanks for opening up and sharing what's going on for you. It sounds like you've been going through a tough time and despite everything that's going on I'm really glad that you've made an appointment with a psychologist to try and get the help that you deserve. This helps me see that even though you've dealt with so much you believe your feelings are valid - and that's important.

Do you have any idea about when your next appointment will be with the psychologist? What sorts of things might help you to feel less alone right now?

Starwolf · ‎16-05-2017

Hi Elyse, good to meet you. Childhood abuse sure pulls the carpet from under the feet. It is very brave of you to reach out and share your story.

I too have a background of childhood abuse, mostly physical and emotional. Sexual abuse came later. Such traumatic background sets a mind pattern with a tendency to repeat itself. It is not unusual for abuse victims to go from one disastrous relationship to another.

This is why professional guidance is necessary to unravel those deep-seated emotional tangles. Appointment cancellations are disheartening. Hopefully, the ball will soon be set rolling. Being proactive, organizing those appointments in the first place shows you have courage and resilience. Acknowledging there is a problem doesn't come easy, seeking help is even more daunting. But you did it and should be proud of yourself. When none is around for you, it is important to take good care of yourself.

Please feel free to continue to post, may it be to share your thoughts or to let steam off. There will always be many who understand and care enough to listen.

Here for you.

geoff · ‎18-05-2017

hello ElyseH, I can't say how terribly sorry I feel for you to go through this physical abuse, and not your mother giving you any support, you would think that as she has been through it herself, she would be enough support to console you, and understand what this trauma has caused, which is still going on, I really can't believe her reaction of not wanting to help you, however at the present time, the more you ask her for help, the more you will be disappointed.
I'm not sure how old you are, but living at home is not what you need, it's a toxic environment, so are you able to live somewhere else, because there is a hell of a lot you have to overcome, but you can't do this by yourself, you need to firstly go and see your doctor, this I know will depend on how old you are and if you need an adult to go with you, then please find someone you know, but perhaps you can get back to us. Geoff.

ElyseH · ‎18-05-2017

Im 29 and live by myself and have a cat.

Starwolf · ‎20-05-2017

It is good to know you no longer depend on a toxic environment and that you have a pet's grounding company. Breaking free from a traumatic past is more easily done if we are physicaly removed from it.

However, struggling alone is too difficult. It is also unnecessary. The mind is a complex, complicated maze. Without a guide, we can wander around endlessly, become trapped in the wrong spot and bump against dead end after dead end without finding a way out.

I hope you can find a therapist you can connect and work with. You do not have to let other people's issues continue to ruin your life. You are right, your feelings are valid and justified. You deserve to move on but you will need a helping hand.

ElyseH · ‎20-05-2017

Who cares! None really understands. None really gets what im going through. Too many times ive been thrown down and have had to get myself back up on my own. None to protect me. None to help. None to stay with me. Abandoned, deception, taken advantage of, left to pick myself up. Words dont even descibe how it actually feels to me! It sounds so stupid. I cant explain what i feel in words.

Starwolf · ‎22-05-2017

People here at BB do care. We wouldn't be volunteering our time if we didn't.

I do get what being utterly alone with traumatic, debilitating issues means because I have been there. I too have felt trapped in a dark pit with hopelessness and despair as sole companions. I too have had to become proactive and self-sufficient. The right help and support is unfortunately not always around. Sometimes we have to take it upon ourselves to go find what is lacking but so much deserve.

I am not in your shoes, we are all different and react differently to similar experiences. But I understand your situation. I know how difficult and heartbreaking being alone against the world (and ourselves) is. So my heart goes out to you.

All I can do is let you know despair and loneliness don't have to become permanent. And reach out to you across virtual space with a cyber hug, if you will accept it.