What are your support networks in this new country?

[Donte]

On my balcony I have a pond with a water feature that continually moves the flow of water in a cascade that falls from the top of an artificial rock into the pond and back again.

I always loved the sound of water. I grew up on the beach. I could hear the waves from my bedroom upon waking up each morning and smell the saltiness and seaweed in the air. I come from a country filled with islands and fishing boats.

Once, I had a water feature on the12th floor where I lived. Water follows me, no matter where I am. Or to be correct, I carry it with me. Even after my migration, as an adult, I find it essential for my wellbeing to be near water. To feel connected with my roots.

In my pond on the second floor, I have koi fish the last four years. They seem to be loving their home, as they’ve grown enormously. Each morning and evening I feed them. They come up and greet me and it gives me immense pleasure to see them eating and swimming around happily, carelessly. It is always a special time, the time I spend on my balcony, next to water.

I sometimes think that maybe our life resembles this pond. We are tiny and insignificant in the scheme of things, going on about our little lives, in a limited space of how many meters is allocated for our home, traveling to and from work daily, same streets, same landscapes, same faces and places. Even when we travel, we never go too far. We are bound on this earth. Held together by gravity.

Like those fish in the pond, others do so many things daily that maintain our existence, yet, we may be unaware about it or not think consciously of this. Little and big acts affect our wellbeing and mental health, our very existence. Others grow our food, others bring the water into the pipes, others build, construct, put in place everything that we need and want, so we can turn on a switch, push a button, turn on a tap etc.

We are all totally dependent on others for our survival. On each other. We are all limited within our little ponds (our reality) where we reside. Like those fish on my balcony, we will probably die if someone didn’t keep maintaining us, providing, working hard to ensure we can continue having our little worlds maintained and able to keep on living.

Who or what are some significant people or things that have kept you going in times of loneliness, strife, desperation?

Who or what has sustained you and helped you out when you were unable to look after yourself?

What are your support networks in this new country?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’,

As always, a poignant and expressive post. I love how you make sure water follows you everywhere to help you feel connected to your root...that’s beautiful.

Fantastic and helpful questions. I might just pick 1 to answer (hope that’s okay).

What are your support networks in this new country?

While I obviously can’t speak “for” my predominantly migrant relatives, I would like to offer my observations of their support networks.

My more religious extended family members turned to their church (and specifically ones that held services in their native language) for support. This includes weekly services as well as social events organised by the church.

Other relatives made friends at work and turned to their work friends for support.

But the recurring theme that I noticed was my migrant extended family gravitated towards support networks where their native language was spoken. So regardless of whether it was church, work, etc, they seemed to seek support from people who spoke the same native language.

Although I had one relative who really struggled to speak English and she had a neighbour who also spoke very little English. They didn’t speak the same native language but they became good friends, communicating via body language (especially pointing and showing each other objects from their homes), big hugs and regularly exchanging gifts with one another. It was quite beautiful to watch them...

Great thread 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[Donte]

Today I went to collect my four-monthly script of antiretroviral medication from the Sexual Health Clinic. This is a free service. It is part of the Alfred hospital and completely funded by the government.


The last twelve years I’ve been fortunate enough to be treated completely free of cost through this service. I realize how good I have it here in Australia. Other people pay thousands of dollars every year for these medications. In many countries around the globe people die due to the lack of access and/or availability to medications like these or simply there’s no way they can afford them. If it comes to paying for your treatments or feeding your family and paying your rent and bills, most people choose the latter.


Living with a life-limiting illness has its challenges. Apart from knowing that there is no cure, one has to deal with the exuberant costs of therapies (if there are any available) among many other challenges.


While I was waiting for my name to be called, I heard someone complaining about the twenty minutes he had been waiting and was raising his voice claiming that this is unacceptable! ‘First world problems’, I thought...Made me think of all the thousands of people in my country of origin and in so many other countries that do not have the health care available to us.


Admittedly, migrating to Australia may mean for many people that our support networks are not as back in our country of origin, however, the health care, welfare, and other systems in place do provide a very good substitute. I wouldn’t have the same quality of life and supports and Services to live the life I lead here with my condition. I would have died long ago.

[Donte]

There are many people who are alone in the world
Like the forgotten wheat that hasn’t been harvested
The world around a vast field
And they are in loneliness’s daze
Like the forgotten ear (of corn)
Lonely people
Like sea’s rocks
The world a wide ocean around them
And they, silent, bowed and alone
Wind-swept rocks
Lonely people
like broken dry branches
Like desolated churches, forgotten in some empty countryside
People like you, people like me…

[Donte]

This morning on my way to the petrol station I stopped at the laundrette to wash some blankets and Doona. Walked in, put the items in the washing machine, inserted coins and left...(Didn’t speak to anyone)

Then went to the petrol station, put the pump in the door and filled with petrol my car’s tank. Slot my credit card at the pump and paid for my petrol. (Didn’t speak to anyone)

Afterwards, I headed for the supermarket. Chose the items I need and off to the automatic teller where I scanned the products, paid and left. (Didn’t speak to anyone)

On the way back to the launderette to pick my laundry, I stopped at an ATM and got some money out. (Didn’t speak to anyone)

There are times when days, weeks and even months can go by without speaking to anyone. There’s no need.

One can go living and performing their day-to-day transactions without engaging with others, with no interacting, or with extremely minimal communication.

This is the life of many millions today in Australia. Not knowing who lives next to you, underneath or above you in your apartment block. Never talking to a neighbor. Not having friends or family or relatives (especially if you’ve migrated here and left everyone behind). Nobody to knock on your door. No one to visit you. Nobody to ask you if you’re ok.

Of course, this has its benefits: easy transactions, quick, with no small talk and efficient. And this is not only in Australia but globally as the world changes and moving from the technological era to the robotic one. Self-serve and cashless society with minimal need for human interaction.

Technology and progress has provided us with the highest independence we have ever experienced as a species. Take-away, throw-away. But how is this affecting us? What is the impact on our cognitive, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing? How are we changed by all this?

Our life is turning into a series of transactions instead of connecting, investing on each other and relying or supporting one another. Click, click, click...Our reality at the click of a mouse...

Have you talked to anyone today? Is it sufficient to go living like this for the rest of our days? Are there any negatives that we could try and change to minimize social isolation, loneliness and encourage interaction and support networks to help us in our recovery mindset?

[smallwolf]

Donte,

Hey! *waving*

Today it is the mobile phone that stops communication. Yesterday it was the newspaper. Going by train to college everyone stares into their phone. A family at a restaurant can all stare at the phone rather than talking to each other. Self-service to check-in at the airport can be (or is) done by the individual.

But I also go to a football game, and I wear a woolen scarf supporting my team. Waiting for the free bus to go back home, at the bus station will prompt discussion how the game was, did we win etc. As someone who can be somewhat socially awkward starting a conversation otherwise, technology does greatly impact on our ability to be a community.

You asked whether I chatted with anyone today... My children and wife so far. I will be going to the AFL game at the Gabba later today. Yet when people find out I have depression or other issues, some want to talk and find out more. My last conversation with a random person was on the taxi home from the airport last night. I will chat to people tomorrow at church. I chatted with someone via text because I know they don't like FB. On Monday, I am having coffee with a concerned friend. Odd. My depression causes me to talk more and be more socially active. (Not sure if that is a good or bad thing - won't elaborate on that!)

Yet the best way I think to bring back community is to enable community. If a church were allowed to put a notice in the shopping center? If people knew what support services were available in the community! For example, a family in the suburbs near me created a support group for people whose family members had died from suicide. Yet very few people know of it.

Unfortunately, I have to get ready to go to the game shortly. There is so much I could say in relation to your last post. It is probably my greatest irritation, despite the fact I am a software developer! Technology that was created to bring us closer together does the opposite! More later. Maybe.

Tim

[Donte]

Thank you for your reply Smallwolf,

Most if not all of my interactions on certain days are done online.

I love technology and I feel more connected with relatives and my parents overseas and my online friends on Facebook, Instagram and other platforms. I’m not against it. Internet, mobile phones and computers have enhanced our lives immensely and I can’t think life without them.

I’m glad you have a family and friends and people around you that you interact with socially. It seems like you have a good balance in terms of your online life and face to face relationships.

I’m thankful for the online connections I have.

As I spend most of my time by myself, and as I’m getting older with no partner, no close friends, and a daughter that is often away, working or with her boyfriend, and as I have no other family in Australia (apart from my brother whom I see twice a year), and living in the inner city in apartments the last thirty years, my experience of Community (or lack of) differs dramatically from what you are describing. I don’t follow football or any sport and havecstopped attending church a couple of decades ago.

I love living here. Don’t take me wrong. I’m thankful for the lifestyle choices and opportunities technology provides us with. Cherish the anonymity and being surrounded by crowds without investing emotional energy in them. Have never had family around and so I’m not sure I could cope with that. Nowadays I feel suffocated by people.

I believe my reality is the reality of many.

It is great to hear your experience and get a different feel about life in the suburbs which could be different from the inner city.

Hope you enjoy the game and have a fantastic day. I’m staying in bed watching Netflix today. Discovered this French series that got me glued on the screen. Love to hear the French language. X

[Donte]

And before I managed to finish this post, there was a knock on my door - my daughter and her boyfriend popped in to say hi! Hahaa Murphy’s law. 🙂

[Donte]

I was taking an evening stroll with the dogs tonight just before it gets too dark. Love this time of the day.

All the energies of a tired day that is dying slowly into darkness are coming to an end and mingle with the new exciting night ahead that is about to cover the landscape. It reminds me of the fleeting lives of ours and the insignificance of everything that preoccupies us and consumes us. All our deadlines, plans, stress, goals, and pettiness disappears when we close our eyes; just like the day is gone once the dark falls.

The city lights are waking up one by one and all the water birds in the lake are nesting for the night...The crispy air, the smell of the fireplaces, the pink/violet clouds on the horizon over the city scrapes and skyline. I love living in this part of the city. I always have.

So, as the week is ending together with the end of another day that is gone, I was walking back home while some thick, cold raindrops started falling mercilessly from the fierce sky above my head.

It was at that point when I looked up and I saw the enormous eucalyptus tree, standing tall and proud in all its glory looking down at me. Indifferent to the rain, the wind, the elements. Secured in the ground with its old roots taking hold and the assurance of a tree that has seen it all. It wasn't planted yesterday you see.

I noticed a big branch hanging lower than the rest and upon a closer look, I realized that it wasn't as lively and vibrant as the rest of the branches. The leaves were almost dried but not completely. It still had some life in it but not for long. One of the strong winds we've had lately has obviously broken this branch from the main trunk. Now, not fully connected with the Source of its nutrients it is slowly dying away, drying up, hithering...

It made me think that this is exactly how it is with us people. When we are broken, cut off, isolated, we still sort of function for a while but eventually we die emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, relationally etc.

We are all part of this tree called community, neighborhood, society, culture etc. We cannot fully achieve our greatest potential unless we are connected and nurtured by each other. We are all interdependent and need each other for our survival and in order to flourish.

When one migrates and leaves behind the main Source (their tree), they need to be grafted into the new tree where they become a member of a new life. If not, they'll die away in due time. It's a process...

[Donte]

There are things I'm still discovering daily about my self.