Grab Life By the (Tennis) Balls!

[Donte]

Those who have a dog would know the significance of tennis balls. Sometimes they disappear in front of your eyes and other times magically appear out of nowhere. Despite the fact that they are cheap and easily accessible and replaceable, such a small thing makes the highlight of many dogs lives and an important part of engaging, playing and relating between owners and their dogs. It leads to bonding and a satisfying experience of sharing and enjoying the little things in life. At times you go to great lengths as a dog owner trying to retrieve lost balls and other times you just let them go without any effort to get them back. When it comes to opportunities, taking chances, risks, investing in events, emotions, people, relationships and situations the same principle could be applicable. Sometimes you’ll lose and sometimes you win. There’s no point tormenting ourselves unnecessarily with anxiety and stress for things we cannot change, or feeling depressed for events that had turned out differently to what we expected. It’s like all those tennis balls we’ve lost and never retrieved. We had fun throwing them, watch them bounce and see the joy our dog brings to us in this relentless hunt that never ceases to excite. We may also have captured amazing moments and landscapes and beauty that has made us feel awe and looking back at these pictures brings smiles to our faces. We may have talked to people and engaged in ways we wouldn't have otherwise if it wasn't for those seemingly insignificant tennis balls...When we are faced with loss and grief, when things are tough and our heart aches in agony, pain and loneliness, when bitterness remains and we cannot fathom how life will continue without that person, or relationship, or job or home or being away from our homeland and loved ones, having aged or lost our aspects of our independence and health etc (whatever the loss may be), it might help to keep in mind that like the lost tennis balls, we may not get these back again but we don’t know which others await to be discovered...what we may face in our next walk in the park, taking our next step towards some undiscovered experience that will provide us with meaningful purpose, new direction and shape our path in ways unimaginable...What's your experience when it comes to pets and mental health? How are pets viewed in your culture? Do you believe there is a positive link between pets and mental health? Let's get some woofs shall we?

[SubduedBlues]

Great post Donte'

You said: "There’s no point tormenting ourselves unnecessarily with anxiety and stress for things we cannot change, or feeling depressed for events that had turned out differently to what we expected." which is very much in line with how I endeavor to live my life:

Give me the courage to change that which I can change, and the strength to tolerate that which I cannot; and the wisdom to know which is which.

SB

ps: I concur, pets really help us work out our problems. I think this is because we talk to them about everything that is bothering us, and the mere act of telling someone, anyone, even our pets, helps tremendously with our own internal coping mechanisms.

[Donte]

Dear SubduedBlues,

It's true. Having a pet or caring for one, even if it's from a friend or neighbor or family member can help us see life from a different perspective. It brings us to the 'now' and make us stop and look, listen, observe things we wouldn't have otherwise. Even the simplest of acts like looking at a goldfish swim and/or feeding it, to walking dogs or caring for other pets does wonders as it brings calmness and tranquility and can relax our minds taking our thoughts away from whatever it may be that preoccupy us. Apart from the unconditional love, attention, affection, companionship etc pets help us get motivated, walk them, feed them, wash them, socialise and connect with them and our environment which in itself could be an act of mindfulness and spirituality. We learn and maintain routines, combat loneliness, enjoying a living presence in our lives and have some purpose that extends beyond ourselves to another creature which is totally dependable on us for their existence. When it comes to dogs particularly, and cats to an extent, petting and playing and enjoying the warmth and physical contact is in itself therapeutic and brings up positive, warm feelings of care, devotion, attention and love. Even if we are unable to keep a pet, having contact with one on a regular basis can do wonders for our mental health. Elderly, people living alone, chronically ill persons and even terminally ill at palliative care settings have benefited from pets and the therapy/healing they can provide. Their love and devotion is constant and not subject to moods or circumstances and that in itself provides a sense of stability and brings balance to our lives. Of course our relationship with pets and views will vary depending on our cultural background and attitudes we have learnt from an early age. But pets do help us change things (routine, daily walks, feelings, health and outlook on life), embrace and tolerate situations (barking, mess, expenses etc), adjust our lives and bring a beautiful sense of calmness and awareness that we wouldn't have otherwise. I've definitely been touched in so many ways throughout my life from having the opportunity to have pets accompany and enriching my life and especially during difficult stages, migration, crises, loss and trauma. 🙂

[J_M_12345]

Hi Donte',

Loved your post. It touches on many fundamental truths about life and is in many ways inspiring. My favourite is the bit about keeping in mind that "like the lost tennis balls, we may not get these [moments/experiences] back again but we don’t know which others await to be discovered".

I do agree with you and SubduedBlues - pets can be a very important part of mental wellbeing. Pets become friends/family. Friends/family and having a good support system is a very crucial part of recovering from mental illness and staying well. So by extension, pets can be a crucial part of good mental health!

Now your next step is to help me convince my parents to allow me to bring a puppy home 😉

[SubduedBlues]

JM

Last year my son asked me if it would be okay for him to help out the Guide Dog people in their new puppy program. Sure, why not.

So now we have a puppy in the back yard, for 15 months, and he's teaching it basic things, sit, heal, wait for his meals, only eat from his own bowl, stay off the furniture, house breaking, etc. The Guide Dog Assoc pays for all the vet costs, food costs, etc.

Kalvin has been with us since Oct 2016, and will be placed into fulltime training next month. My son is a little hurt, as his friend is going off to do start his life as a Companion Dog for people just like what Donte' is talking about. It'll be quite about the house again, not sure how long he'll wait before asking for another puppy.

Anyhow, have a look into their program. You may be able to convince your dad to allow you do this too.

Best wishes
SB

[Donte]

Hope you get the puppy JM! 8 years ago my dog died and I was so devastated that swore to never get another one. My daughter was becoming an adult and I was reaching my mid-life so I figured I wanted more independence so I can travel and enjoy the life of a soon-to-be empty nester. Then, 4 years ago my partner died. The unexpected, devastating loss threw me in the depths of depression and the grief had paralyzed me mentally, emotionally and physically. I was literally unable to get out of bed for months and had lost any motivation for life and lacked energy and purpose. I just wanted to die too. After trying medications, counselling, group work, and reading, talking, listening to others' similar experiences and feeling I couldn't get out of that black hole, I gave in to my daughter's pleads and brought home our new black ball of fluff! It was the most challenging thing after all these years to have a puppy again, toilet train, and re-arrange our whole apartment and life around to accommodate this new-born baby! Within weeks of bringing him home I started meeting neighbors with dogs who live in my building and we've never engaged for years...all it took was taking the puppy downstairs in the common courtyard to play and do his pee and I would meet other people with their dogs...this led to getting to know some neighbors, developing friendships, starting to look after each other's dogs when not home, walking them together etc. Not only our dogs are never alone now (to minimize barking), but my life opened up and changed drastically. Now we go out for walks almost daily with a few neighbors, enjoy coffees and bbqs and movies and have started a local walking group! I took up grooming and groom many dogs in the building and the neighborhood, pet sit and dog-walk. Recently we took part in photos for a dog calendar for fundraising to help with homelessness in our area as all the profits go to vulnerable and disadvantaged people. I can't emphasize enough the support, healing, change of focus that this little dog offered me and how it assisted me to start walking again, get out of home, talk to strangers down the street and in the park and even develop a new hobby that has become a new job for me that gives me pleasure and fulfillment. Such a simple thing really but if someone had told me how my life would have turned around a year earlier I would have laughed in disbelief! If we let ourselves be open to change and embrace the little things, they can lead us far.

[Donte]

What a great idea SubduedBlues!

I didn't know such program exists! This could be a nice easing step into owning a dog and trying to see how things go. I remember as a child begging for a dog but my parents would always say no. When finally we got our first German Shepherd I was towards the end of primary school. This girl brought so much love and happiness in our lives and became my closest companion through my teenage years. The separation when we migrated to Australia was one of the hardest things I had to endure as teen. Luckily, the first thing my parents did upon arrival was to get another German Shepherd! This boy helped us all in the first difficult years of settlement and adjustment and integration into a new society and new life. He accompanied me until I got married and left home and beyond! I have had four other dogs since and throughout my life so far, looking back, I know I wouldn't have cope with the various traumas and difficult times if those dogs were not part of my life. Those who know me always say to me I should never be without a dog! Recently I found out that through the NDIS (which covers mental health conditions as well), people can get financial assistance and support under certain situations to have companion dogs as research has proven that having a pet plays a big role in the recovery process. Dogs (and other pets) can help improve the quality of life for many lonely, aged, ill people. 🙂

[Donte]

Yes JM,

It’s amazing how pets can boost mental health! I grew up with dogs, cats, fish, turtles, birds and hamsters and have always been an animal lover. But at the time of my early years in Greece I wasn’t allowed to have a dog inside the house.

When my family migrated to Australia I had to leave my German Shepherd behind due to quarantine and enormous expenses to bring her here. This was devastating but the first thing my parents did upon arrival was to get me another German Shepherd! This dog provided us so much comfort in the early years of our migration.

Later when I got married I had another two dogs. And when my daughter was five we got another! After his death I didn’t want another dog. It hurt too much to lose him.

When my partner died five years ago I was in such a terrible, depressed state, unable to function. For months on end I would be in bed all day and night in the dark without energy to get up or continue my normal routines. My daughter finally convinced me to bring a new puppy home! It took me more than a year but I reluctantly said yes! This was one of the biggest challenges initially to have a needy little pup wanting attention, pets, play and having to feed, clean, walk etc.

Looking after the puppy though made me develop new routines and the interaction took a lot of stress away. Just letting this warm fluff ball sleep next to me and petting this adorable puppy started bringing back joy in my heart. It provided me with a sense of purpose again and motivated me to get up every morning and take him for a walk! In no time we became very close and the moments I would spend with him are the highlights of my day!

When I hear people say ‘I rescued my dog’, I usually reply: ‘mine rescued me!’. Truly, this dog has brought me back to life. The daily walking not only has benefited my physical health but also my mental state and recovery from my loss and grief. My pain due to a chronic illness and injury is managed better when I walk. I also get the chance to talk and engage with others in the park, the beach, down the street etc. It’s amazing how many people talk to you when you have a dog!

I live in a pet-friendly apartment block so having this dog, I met so many other tenants with their dogs when I take him downstairs. My sense of community has been enriched greatly and I have developed a few friendships which I hadn’t the first years I lived here prior to getting the dog.

Honestly, having a dog again has done wonders for my wellbeing!

[Donte]

One of my neighbors always avoids eye-contact in the lift or the staircase or the basement if we happen to meet taking the rubbish out, collecting the mail etc.


Word has it that her partner chose to end his life a few years ago and she's grieving.


She's quiet. Minding her own business.


We have never exchanged a glance, a gesture, a smile, a hello...in the six years that we have been living in the same block.


Sometimes I see her down the street or at the shops. Always having a melancholic look and demeanor about her. It doesn't encourage interaction.


I haven't got out of my way to interact in any way with her. She hasn't either. I've got my own issues. Not sure if I am meant to do anything about it or make an effort to acknowledge her presence. I don't care that she hasn't either. It's better this way. Not knowing. Not getting involved. Not exchanging pleasantries. We just happen to live in the same building. Nothing more, nothing less.


Anyway, this morning we bumped into each other in the foyer! Something about apartment life that forces you at times to come face to face with situations, people, events and somehow intermingle with each other's life even for a very brief moment before you go away continuing living your life...ignoring your surroundings.


So, she just talked to me!


One of her neighbours got evicted and left the cat behind, she told me. I actually saw this cat yesterday climbing over a balcony and onto the next. The neighbor has also a cat so the other cat comes over and eats her food. It's a healthy, beautiful looking cat, desexed and microchipped and toilet-trained. My neighbor doesn't want to call RSPCA in case the cat gets put down and asked me if I know anyone who may want to adopt her...


It was the first time that I looked into this woman's eyes. First time I heard the sound of her voice. First time in all these years that we interacted, because of a cat!


Isn't it amazing how animals connect us? They bring us together. We engage and interact because of them! They provide us with a reason to talk to a stranger.


I am not a cat person per se, and neither do I have capacity to have a cat, however, I have talked and texted and asked other neighbors and friends and colleagues to see if anyone would like to adopt this cat!


Like the ripple that a stone thrown into the water making this 'butterfly effect', this incident has made me reach out today.

[Donte]

Today as I was walking the dogs with a friend at one point I kicked the tennis ball and it went straight into the lake in the middle of the park. (There's a lake that is enclosed by wire to protect the wild birds and keep the dogs out). We were at a section of the park where there's a wooden deck and a bridge that makes it possible to walk across to the other section.

Initially, when the tennis ball went the wrong way and my dog was running after it, I shouted 'noooo', not sure exactly if I cared so much about the ball or my dog jumping over the bridge to get it and ending up in the lake! (Freshly bathed and blow dried, beautiful coat on etc...you get the drift! - 'Nooooooo')...

The dog stopped! The ball fell in. There was no way I could retrieve it...We kept walking.

Further down we found another one...

In life sometimes you lose, sometimes you win. Of course, most of us prefer to win all the time. At least my dog does, when balls are concerned...

On the way back, he remembered and went to the bridge. He was barking insatiably and I had to give him my full attention. Yes, you guessed it. The ball was still there, floating. I looked down and decided to give it a go...my friend was filming me as he thought this was really funny! The extends we go to for our pets! The things we do for love...

Climbed over the bridge and hang there for a while before realising that I couldn't hold on to the rail and simultaneously grab the ball floating on the water underneath me...Why do they make it look so easy in the movies? Fell in. Wet, cold, smelling like duck and weeds but with a smile on my face and a happily wagging dog started heading back home after climbing up the bridge again with great difficulty (fibromyalgia doesn't help).

Success! What exactly is it? How do you measure it? Who's the judge?

Looking at the video later on I was dying in laughter! Best moment of the day! Of the week! Or maybe the month!

Memories are made of these simple, unexpected, insignificant events and the risks we take. Dare to get wet!