Hello shamed,
Welcome...., you sound so distressed, I have done the same as you, made a promise, that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep that promise, I had the same feeling as you are describing and everytime I saw the person I made that promise to I kept out of his way, kept hiding from him. I felt so guilty, ashamed that I promised him I would do something and I didn't deliver on it.
I eventually told this person that I was so very sorry but circumstances beyond my control stopped me from delivering that promise and that I really tried to do so, then I told him why I couldn't deliver, he understood and was quite alarmed that I felt so bad about it.
Your Uncle sounds like a wonderful caring person as you do. I don't know your promise to him, but if you can maybe just speak to him and let him know the circumstances surrounding the reason why you can't keep your promise.
Im certain your uncle will be proud of you for trying so hard to keep the promise, sometimes it's not so much of keeping the promise but it's the journey you go on trying to keep it.
You sound like a really compassionate and caring person who is hurting a lot by letting your uncle down..see if you can speak to him, your description of your uncle as your role model is beautiful by the way. You have a lot of respect for him and he would know this and he will also know you tried really hard out of that respect for him.
Keep in contact as many more will come and offer their suggestions, which are really worth reading.
Kindness only,
GG
