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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Harassed in the park and down the street. How seemingly insignificant events can affect us as time goes by...
  • replies: 10

A couple of weeks ago, during a beautiful, sunny afternoon, I was with my dog at the local park when something unprecedented happened. Initially, even though, I felt a bit shaken, didn’t give much attention to the event or its seriousness, and neithe... View more

A couple of weeks ago, during a beautiful, sunny afternoon, I was with my dog at the local park when something unprecedented happened. Initially, even though, I felt a bit shaken, didn’t give much attention to the event or its seriousness, and neither did I know then, how much it will be affecting me weeks later. Often, this is the case: we are not prepared for something that suddenly unfolds in front of our eyes and don’t know how to react. Later, upon dwelling on what happened we usually come up with responses but that’s only in hind sight. So, let me explain the incident: While walking with my little dog and throwing the ball, he would jump up and turn around and bark in excitement and anticipation as always. Ball games are his favorite. We were in a dog-off leash park with many dogs around, barking, running, chasing etc and doing the things dogs do when they are off lead. At one point I crossed paths with someone who appeared to be talking on the phone or to himself but carried on walking without paying particular attention. I didn’t realize he was actually talking to me. Further down, we came to a nice shady spot and sat under a tree to rest. It was getting hot. I found the opportunity to check my phone and as my dog took a few breaths, drunk some water and rested, he started barking playfully, letting me know that it was time for more ball games. I started waving the stick up in the air and he barked in excitement. At that point the person I had crossed paths earlier started approaching me and started shouting at me, calling me names and swearing aggressively. I felt threatened and scared but I looked elsewhere after telling him that this is a dog park and dogs bark. He walked away carrying on with profanities and in an abusive manner. The next day, I saw a note posted on the park’s notice board accusing me for being narcissistic and not caring about the impact I have on others. Yesterday, I saw the same person again at the supermarket. At the exit, he started calling me names and swearing at me referring to that park incident again. Not sure what to do. I feel afraid. Clearly he’s local. This is not going to just go away it seems. I don’t have his picture or name or address so I don’t know if reporting to the police would do anything. But I progressively have lost my sleep, feel anxious to go outside, and really unease about this whole situation. How would you deal with this harassment from your perspective? What would be your response?

Donte What's expected in your community if a child returns to the family home?
  • replies: 7

One of the issues within many non-English speaking communities is the phenomenon of ‘Boomerang Children’ - adult children who return to the family home after a personal crisis, marriage breakdown, loss of employment, mental health breakdown or other ... View more

One of the issues within many non-English speaking communities is the phenomenon of ‘Boomerang Children’ - adult children who return to the family home after a personal crisis, marriage breakdown, loss of employment, mental health breakdown or other illness etc. This is a global phenomenon, seen not just among culturally and linguistically diverse communities. However, the impact may be worse if an elderly parent doesn't speak English, is unable to seek help and/or navigate the system and is not aware of their rights. Often also, community expectations of a 'collectivist' culture make it harder for the individual to speak up and have their needs heard. Today in Australia, almost ½ of adult children aged 20-35 are still living at home with their parents. Majority are male; living with a single parent and have returned home as opposed to never moved out. This figure is from the latest Census. This trend is particularly high in the non-English speaking migrant communities. Culture, religion, values etc may encourage such behavior. This happens mainly because the cost of living nowadays is so high and due to cultural and religious notions that reinforce the view that a 'child' should live at home until they get married. High levels of unemployment, breakdown of relationships, divorce and addictive behaviors such as gambling, alcohol and drug abuse making it even harder for people to live independently, so the parental home is used as a back-up or safety net. There are definitely advantages for both parties, but there can also be a number of disadvantages for the non-English speaking elderly particularly, especially if there’s no financial contribution on the 'child’s' side, so the elderly parents are drained financially. Elderly parents often become victims of abusive behavior, manipulation, financial abuse and even physical threats and violence. The adult child can often be evoke parental guilt. In many cases 'boomerang' children become controlling and socially isolate the elderly parent. Of course there are also disadvantages for the ‘boomerang child’ such as a loss of space, routine, lack of privacy, change of lifestyle and habits, not being able to have the house to themselves as the elderly parent may not go out often, having to be accountable and being treated as a ‘child’ again, challenges around becoming a carer of an elderly parent with complex health issues etc. What's expected in your community if a child returns to the family home?

MuMRN1234 firstTimeMum,NursesLife,FromForeignLAnd
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, So much had happened in my life. Currently, I am suffering anxiety and depression. I came here in Australia to follow my dreams. To have a family, be financially stable and work as a registered nurse. I came here in Australia 2013, got m... View more

Hi everyone, So much had happened in my life. Currently, I am suffering anxiety and depression. I came here in Australia to follow my dreams. To have a family, be financially stable and work as a registered nurse. I came here in Australia 2013, got married at 2015, had a child at 2016 and this year I am working as a registered nurse after I had successfully completed my bridging program to practice nursing here in Australia. Unfortunately, everytime I go to work, i am anxious. It all began when I did a refresher program to refresh my skills at a certain hospital. I am expecting all the support I needed but as I did my first shift and I was thrown into the deep end-I had a busy shift I had 6 patients in all- 4 just came from recovery and 2 were discharge. I did not expect it would be like that. I was teary during the shift. I talked to my coordinator of the program and shes very supportive. I gave it a shot again and the next day it was good and the next day not. I got sick during the program having severe abdominal pain probably from stress. I was in the point of giving up but my coordinator transferred me to a different ward with different environment where people are very supportive and much calmer. I manage to continue but everytime I go to work, I get anxious probably related to my previous ward experience the fear of unknown. Also I find it hard to balance work and looking after my 17 month old son which makes me feel down. As a nurse I have shift work. I looked after my son, tue and wed morning then go to work afternoon. He goes to child care mon, thur and fri only. Sometimes I work during weekends and I feel sad I am not around my husband and son to spend quality time. And the feeling I am feeling right now really affects my life. I am not happy with my life.

Donte Mothers Day turmoil.
  • replies: 14

Today I’ve seen so many mums walking around proudly with their children, partners and friends, holding flowers and special gifts, having picnics and strolls at the parks and down the beach. Busy Sunday today for mothers of all ages and shapes and siz... View more

Today I’ve seen so many mums walking around proudly with their children, partners and friends, holding flowers and special gifts, having picnics and strolls at the parks and down the beach. Busy Sunday today for mothers of all ages and shapes and sizes. It’s Mothers Day you see. This one day of the year that many countries have set aside to celebrate the significant role a mother has in family and society. Behind the smiles, the flowers and the pleasantries of course always lurks pain and disappointment and emotional turmoil. For those who enjoy a great relationship and connection with their mothers it can be a wonderful time. Mothers undoubtedly offer so much of themselves to raise their children and see them become valuable members of our society. It is most appropriate to take time to highlight the special role these women - the mothers - play in so many children’s lives. However, many children also do not have that privilege. Many grow up in loveless, abusive households were violence, drugs, alcohol dependency, unemployment and mental illness steal the nurturing love they crave so much. Many mothers abandon or neglect their children. Others exploit them and abuse them. It happens in every culture. In every religion. In every community. Mothers are just people. Girls, who grew up to be women, who have given birth to children. Today, I’d like to think about those mothers, who like mine, were abused as children, and became pregnant during their teen years, having given birth to unwanted babies. Those who were not ready for motherhood. Or equipped. Or interested. Or capable. Those who’s lives are ruled by addictions, codependent relationships, uncertainty, violence and distress. Those who are under the rule of fear and their kids are neglected, misplaced, unloved and uncared for. Beyond the cultural notion that motherhood is equivalent to martyrdom or sainthood, which many cultures uphold, including mine, I’m wondering how many of you have suffered abuse and neglect by your mothers, step-mothers and significant other women in your lives which has resulted in mental distress, anxiety, depression and addictive, destructive behaviors. How has your relationship with your mother affected you and impacted on your ability to engage and form healthy relationships? How’s your cultural group views women and motherhood in particular? Does this equate with your personal experience?

Donte To tell or not to tell? Disclosing your mental illness to your boss.
  • replies: 15

Hi all, The other day our new HR manager asked all staff to complete a form disclosing any illnesses and conditions they have that could either impact on their work or at a time of emergency, the company should be aware of and/or inform the paramedic... View more

Hi all, The other day our new HR manager asked all staff to complete a form disclosing any illnesses and conditions they have that could either impact on their work or at a time of emergency, the company should be aware of and/or inform the paramedics etc. As I had health insurance refuse to cover me in the past due to the fact that I ticked 'Yes' to the 'Do you suffer from depression or other mental illness' box on the form, I hadn't disclose to my employer about my mental illness until now, even though, many colleagues, including my Coordinator are aware of my health issues. Even though, my overall performance hasn't been compromised and I complete my tasks successfully, there are times where my depression and anxiety can get the best of me and/or my moods affect me. At those times it can be difficult to concentrate, and I feel tired, unmotivated and lacking energy. So, when I was asked to complete this form the other day, I wrote down all my conditions and medications/treatments. Not sure why, this time around I felt the urge to disclose. Perhaps, because I feel sick and tired hiding. Or maybe, because I have seen the fear others display in telling the boss what's happening with them and struggle all alone due to stigma from our cultural background. I thought that maybe talking about my experiences might encourage others to be more open about mental health at work, as well as helping to change people’s attitudes. Also, being upfront about it might stop rumours spreading or people gossiping. (I had disclose to a colleague who's behavior towards me has now changed and have been worried that she might dob me in!) Maybe being open and upfront will be helpful in case there is any dispute about my performance with my employer in the future. I know there is legislation to protect me and I have a good network outside work that I can rely on and I’m not at a point where I need any additional support, but I don’t want my boss/colleagues to think I’m weak or not pulling my weight. However, I’m not sure it will stay confidential. I’m comfortable talking to my boss about this but don’t want anyone else to know and I don’t want it going on my employment record. I have been worried that if people found out they could use this against me somehow or that I might be discriminated against. How has your experience been? Have you disclosed at work? In your community? If yes, how did it go? If no, why not?

ScarletC I'm a student teacher, and I have anxiety and lost my confidence...
  • replies: 6

I'm currently studying abroad in Australia and this would be my fourth year in uni. The first two years were wonderful because I was this naive, oblivious freshman who didn't know any better. I didn't put any effort into studying and actually thought... View more

I'm currently studying abroad in Australia and this would be my fourth year in uni. The first two years were wonderful because I was this naive, oblivious freshman who didn't know any better. I didn't put any effort into studying and actually thought that I would somehow manage to graduate without working hard. Never in my life have I been so wrong. I failed my student teaching last year and realized how little I have done to achieve my goal. I was devastated. I felt horrible. I felt depressed. I thought about ending my life because I thought I was a waste of space and a waste of my parents' money. All my life I've been oblivious to everything around me and I've wasted half of it achieving nothing. But my family and friends never gave up on me. They supported me and lifted me up. They helped me get back on my feet again. Ever since then, I tried to study hard, and my work actually paid off! I got better grades than I first started and I was fairly proud of myself. Being an international student I'm clearly not as smart as the other local students, but I'd like to think I've become a better version of me. Except... I went back to student teaching again. Nothing happened... yet. And that's what's haunting me right now. Failing student teaching has been the source of my various anxiety attacks. Ever since that day, I get anxiety attacks every now and then for every little thing. Now, going back to student teaching, I realized that I lost all my confidence as a teacher. Even when I told myself that I have improved as a person and in studies, to me, student teaching is a totally different thing. I have imagined 101 scenarios where I could fail and became TERRIFIED to walk into the classroom. The night before my first day, I was so worried that I became nauseous, my head hurt as if it split in two, and I could barely sleep because of all this discomfort. I am scared to death. There's nothing I can do to stop my fear. I may need some help...

Salted_Wound Facing a court case
  • replies: 52

A eighteen year old kid far away from from friends, family and country living ultimate depressed life from a long ago. Sometimes thinks of quitting and sometimes hopes to be everything alright. He has been living his life with full of depression and ... View more

A eighteen year old kid far away from from friends, family and country living ultimate depressed life from a long ago. Sometimes thinks of quitting and sometimes hopes to be everything alright. He has been living his life with full of depression and the small hope. He is alone and has never shared his problem with anyone, not a single person this is the first place that he's taking out from inside him. He has been charged with assault in the court which he did not committed, somehow he was responsible for that but not solely. He has been following court from long ago, it has been more than six months and he is living alone with head full of why, how and if. Just imagine, a eighteen year old kid and how he is facing all these things.

Dedes Not being able to except himself
  • replies: 6

Hi, My 24 year old is depressed not being able to except the fact that he is turning bald and his hair is not growing evenly at such a young age.This has been huge issue and he is not happy with his culture and is always putting us down verbally but ... View more

Hi, My 24 year old is depressed not being able to except the fact that he is turning bald and his hair is not growing evenly at such a young age.This has been huge issue and he is not happy with his culture and is always putting us down verbally but is not open to get help. Has given up his job too and spends most time in his room. Very worried about his mental state but our GP says theres nothing he can do till he is ready to seek help. Please advise as I am hesitant to work as he may harm himself.

Donte Ex husband moves back to ex wive’s home temporarily and it’s been more than a year!
  • replies: 7

I have a Shri Lankan friend who’s a single mum raising her teenage son the last few years since her divorce. We met three years ago and I have been there for her at times when she needed help with moving some furniture and obtaining reference for job... View more

I have a Shri Lankan friend who’s a single mum raising her teenage son the last few years since her divorce. We met three years ago and I have been there for her at times when she needed help with moving some furniture and obtaining reference for job applications etc. Our dogs play together often and love each other’s company and our children sometimes socialize with each other. She has severe anxiety and depression and drinks and smokes a lot as a coping mechanism. We often have discussions about relationships, our experiences as single parents, raising teenagers, growing up in a different country, our migration, personal trauma etc. A year ago her ex husband who’s Iranian became homeless as the place he was renting was demolished to become apartments. He asked her if he could ‘couch surf’ for a while until he finds his feet again (he was also unemployed and all of his family is back in Iran). My friend is of soft and sensitive nature and struggles a lot to say no. She has issues with boundaries and often cannot deal with various issues that her teenage daughter presents her with. She accepted her ex husband into her little two bedroom flat. She said she had no choice. After all he is the father of her daughter and he had nowhere to live. Despite the noble act, he’s been sleeping on the sofa for more than 12 months now and the situation is getting out of hand as he’s still unemployed, he also drinks and smokes a lot and suffers from depression and doesn’t pay rent or bills and she feels his stay has outgrown her welcome but has no way of telling him and doesn’t know how to push him to move along. Her anxiety has escalated, and she feels desperate and hopeless. She often cries and tries to go out so she won’t be in the same home with him. Her daughter loves her dad and enjoys the fact that he’s moved back in with them. Her school work and attendance has improved. However, there is no way these two would be a pair again according to my friend and he often goes out late at night and ‘dates’ or has one night stands. She feels betrayed and hurt as after all this help she offered he’s been very selfish and disrespectful even though she swears that she doesn’t love him and in no way things could ever work between them. I have actually met the guy and had a few beers here and there and a couple of chats and have to admit that I like him, but I also like his ex wife, my friend, and at times when all three of us socialized it was great! How would you help?

Donte Can you unlearn? If you can learn then maybe unlearning is not impossible. Challenging mental health notions that we grew up thinking were true.
  • replies: 6

Tonight as I was having fun with my little dog, wrestling and rough playing on the lounge floor, I reflected on how connected we are. No matter what we do, whatever life we lead, our pets are always a part of our lifestyle. They adapt to our lives an... View more

Tonight as I was having fun with my little dog, wrestling and rough playing on the lounge floor, I reflected on how connected we are. No matter what we do, whatever life we lead, our pets are always a part of our lifestyle. They adapt to our lives and live their whole life based on ours. Our reality is theirs. They don't get to choose. They don't know anything else. Who will adopt them and/or what type of life they'd live. I remember picking him up, four years ago, and bringing him home at eight weeks old, only 150 grams! Separated from his mum and dad, he instantly adapted and became a part of our lives. All he knows is all we showed him. The only life he has is the one we live. Then I thought how similar we, humans, are. We happen to be born somewhere, sometime, by someone, and we have no choice in the matter. We don't choose our parents, our birthplace, our language, the era, our beliefs and religions, our society and the environment we grow up, the only one we know and accept as reality... When it comes to health, and mental health in particular, we could have also accepted and adopted attitudes and beliefs from the environment we grew up and thinking them as correct. We may or may not seek medical interventions, look favorably to counselling or being oppose to it etc. Perhaps, what we may hold as truth, is nothing but a view reflecting an era and a place which influenced us and we ended up believing that this is the truth. Our truth. The good thing is that a life of learning can also be a life of unlearning. If we have the capacity to learn, then we also have the capacity to unlearn, and relearn. Exciting thought!