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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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Ssab Introduction
  • replies: 5

Hi My name is S I feel depressed mainly because of my English. I am not able to build relationship with my peers at work. When they talk about casual things, I barely could understand them. Hence, I tend to keep silent. Help me

Hi My name is S I feel depressed mainly because of my English. I am not able to build relationship with my peers at work. When they talk about casual things, I barely could understand them. Hence, I tend to keep silent. Help me

Donte How a pearl is developed. Turning adversity into something valuable.
  • replies: 13

When I was growing up I had the fortune to spend lots of time with my grandma. This woman, despite her disability (unable to walk), she taught me so many valuable lessons and nourished my spirit and curiosity for learning with her stories and parable... View more

When I was growing up I had the fortune to spend lots of time with my grandma. This woman, despite her disability (unable to walk), she taught me so many valuable lessons and nourished my spirit and curiosity for learning with her stories and parables. She has been a pillar of strength, support and inspiration for me. More than anyone in my life. I remember one of her stories which I loved hearing over and over: it was about an oyster in the bottom of the sea which one day got a hard piece of coral stuck inside it’s shell. In order to soothe the pain and feel better about this, the pearl started working hard to excrete a membrane to cover the foreign object that was wounding it. The end result was to produce a magnificent pearl that was priceless. In life often, circumstances that cause us pain and discomfort can result in something beautiful and amazing. When we go through challenges and faced with issues we often cannot see any good outcome out of it, however, many times the result is something positive. We may develop resilience in the face of adversity and develop skills that otherwise we wouldn’t. In the context of mental health, I often wonder how my life would have been without my depression and anxiety. Would I have developed the mindfulness and awareness to the level I have if I didn’t go through the suffering? Who knows? One thing is for sure: due to my harsh experiences I have been forced to reach out and seek help, pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and made friends and developed supports which have made me stronger and eager to succeed my goals despite the obstacles. The ‘pearl’ develops out of adversity, grandma would say. And looking back at my life I can testify she was right. How do you view your experience of struggle and hardship in life? Is there something good that has come out of it? Has your experience shaped you towards a recovery mindset? Where would you be without it?

Donte Does obsessing about pain create more pain? A culture of silence or a culture of telling?
  • replies: 20

I grew up in a culture of silence. 'Whatever happens in the home stays in the home' was the motto. When feeling distressing emotions, I was meant to make a conscious effort to let the pain subdue. I was taught that replaying painful memories, talking... View more

I grew up in a culture of silence. 'Whatever happens in the home stays in the home' was the motto. When feeling distressing emotions, I was meant to make a conscious effort to let the pain subdue. I was taught that replaying painful memories, talking about my pain with others, or exposing myself to situations that keep the memories active only functions to keep me in distress. At home, at church, at school, in the neighborhood, everyone reinforced this message. My father used to tell me to 'dip my tongue inside my brain before I speak'. So, does the expression of an emotion act as a reinforcer of the emotion? Does it cause it to be more likely to be felt again in the future? What's your experience? Is it better to talk about it? Or is it better to distract yourself with something else? Or a bit of both? For example, if you are feeling depressed, and you talk about your depression with a friend, expressing all of your self-doubts, hopelessness, and sadness, are you more likely to continue to feel depressed? Is it better if your friend stops you from ruminating about your depression and convinces you to go to the movies with him instead? Are you more likely to feel even a little better afterward? Or would it help more if you talk about for a bit but then go to the movies afterwards and distract yourself? What is the predominant cultural belief around this topic in your community or country of origin? Does acting on the expressive emotions by talking at length about them strengthen those feelings, or lessens them? Is distracting ourselves preventing us from acting on the depressive emotions? And by doing so, are they more likely to fade away? Obviously, complicated and enduring mental illnesses like depression or chronic anxiety and panic, are far more difficult to relieve than by just going to a movie. What I'm asking here is: does the more you act on an emotion, the more of that emotion you are likely to feel in the future? When we feel a strong emotion, we naturally want to express it. But, is the continued expression of an emotion making it stronger? And if that emotion is painful, does the act of sharing it increase the experience of our pain? How can we help our minds loosen the grip on past distress? If your cultural or religious upbringing is similar to mine, you may have great difficulties in expressing and sharing your emotions and pain. However, doing it in this forum, anonymously and in the safety of your own home may help you.

shamed Promise not kept
  • replies: 3

Here is my story: I made a promise two years ago and I am unable to make it, I am trying and I will keep trying I cant let him down.... its making me worse everytime I think about it, it was to my uncle who is suffering from cancer, he is a courageou... View more

Here is my story: I made a promise two years ago and I am unable to make it, I am trying and I will keep trying I cant let him down.... its making me worse everytime I think about it, it was to my uncle who is suffering from cancer, he is a courageous, honest, caring, intelligent man who defied all challenges and taboos and raised a great son, and I am letting him down, I wish I can be just like him, unfortunately its not going to happen anymore, my life is worsening everytime I remember him. In my heart I know that if I made it then there is chance for me to be a better person, he is my role model. I respect all my family and they taught me a lot, but it was him who I looked up to and respected the most...

Donte Dare to be different.
  • replies: 10

Sometimes it’s good to do things a bit differently than usual. it helps break routine, expand your knowledge and develop new neuropathways in your brain. This can lead to new mindsets that are serving us and support us instead of battle with us and d... View more

Sometimes it’s good to do things a bit differently than usual. it helps break routine, expand your knowledge and develop new neuropathways in your brain. This can lead to new mindsets that are serving us and support us instead of battle with us and drain us. Take a new route home. Improvise a new meal. Wear something different. Listen to new music. Whatever it may be: try to do at least one new thing each day. We are all easily comfortable with the familiar. The path well traveled seems easy and less challenging. However, it could be cultural notions and religious beliefs or superstitions that has led us to a place where we doubt our own selves and feel defeated. Tonight I cooked a traditional recipe of stuffed vegetables with rice and herbs but added meat and chicken stock. The dish turned out delicious but I wouldn’t have known unless I was willing to take the risk, experiment and see what happens. Does anyone else apply this principle in their lives? How has it helped you? How do others perceive you because of it? And do you mind?

Donte System pressures pushing you to choose between your security or your daughter.
  • replies: 19

Recently I have been forced to live with less money or move out of my home. This has caused havoc to my anxiety which has skyrocketed and my depression to a point where even though I am on medications, I still cannot sleep or eat or calm my mind. I w... View more

Recently I have been forced to live with less money or move out of my home. This has caused havoc to my anxiety which has skyrocketed and my depression to a point where even though I am on medications, I still cannot sleep or eat or calm my mind. I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain is trying to find ways to survive. I have nightmares and unsettling dreams that torture me. My stress is gone over the roof! Let me explain: I live in a National Rental Affordability Scheme apartment as I am low income the scheme subsidizes the rent. I moved in six years ago when my daughter was still an adolescent and I was the only one working. To be eligible for this affordable housing you need to earn within the limit as every year there’s an income review and you need to provide pay slips etc as evidence of income. The last income review showed that I exceed the limit as my daughter is now over eighteen and she has started work. I had already limited my days of work last couple of years to meet the eligibility and keep my otherwise ‘permanent’ accommodation. I live with a life-limiting illness and as I age it’s a great security to know that my rent will never exceed 30% of my grossed up income. There have been periods where I was too sick to work full time and my rent decreased accordingly. I have the option of either ask my daughter to leave (she’s 22 and has lived with me since my divorce when she was 9), and then they’ll relocate me to a one-bedroom apartment somewhere else; or reduce my income further as they calculate the annual grossed up income for both of us. If I don’t do any of this, we have six months to move out and lose eligibility for housing. My daughter pays half of the rent and I have reduced my days of work to two in order to be within the limit. This though is not enough to survive after the rent and car loan is deducted. My dilemma is security or risking moving in the private rental again. My cultural values and experience gravitate towards the security option. But the limitation of not being able to work (which culturally for me equates success and progress), is really impacting me. I’ve been told by the Housing officers that if I kick my daughter out I’ll be able to earn more as a sole tenant but will move out of the home despite. Culturally is unfathomable to ‘kick out’ my 22yo who just started work last year and in many ways is not ready to be completely on her own. Very worried.

Donte Sex, intimacy and mental health in culturally diverse communities. Are they connected?
  • replies: 2

It is a common practice among many Greek older couples to remain married as divorce is forbidden by the church and culturally it has been frowned upon, even when their relationship is truly over. Instead, they sleep in separate rooms and become house... View more

It is a common practice among many Greek older couples to remain married as divorce is forbidden by the church and culturally it has been frowned upon, even when their relationship is truly over. Instead, they sleep in separate rooms and become housemates but remain legally married for the sake of their children and to avoid the community’s ridicule and gossip. This way they avoid the community’s judgement and portray to the outsiders that all is good when often the intimacy and connection is long gone. In many communities the same applies. Greeks are not unique in this. It can often be a generational thing. Cultural and religious conditioning makes it harder for older people especially to free themselves from relationships that do not nurture them anymore. Of course there are benefits in cohabitation like companionship or financial security that is important. However, how is this affecting the mental health of the individual? How are their emotional, physical, sexual needs met when communication is non-existent and resentment, bitterness and judgement takes over? I’m not suggesting that sex is everything. I’m not even saying that people who enjoy a good sexual relationship may not be bitter and resentful. I understand that intimacy and sex are two very different things. I just would like to hear from others from various communities and cultural and religious backgrounds in regards to this issue. I’m sure many suffer from this issue and their mental health is greatly impacted. I’m interested to explore the correlation of lack of sex in a marriage and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. Often, as we know, living with a mental health issue affects sexual desire. Lack of sex also can contribute to depression and other mental health issues especially if one partner is still eager and craves sexual connection and the other isn’t. Feelings of rejection, abandonment, lovelessness etc can emerge. This can be very unsettling and confusing and leads to disillusionment and hurt. What’s your experience of this in specific cultural and religious groups? Is it an issue? How can it be addressed? Is sex a taboo in your community? Who would you talk to about issues of this nature? When? Where? How? Sex, intimacy and mental health. Are they connected?

Irmgard 56 years of turmoil
  • replies: 15

I often wish I'd never been born because life is just too hard. As a child i witnessed endless occasions of domestic violence and was sexually abused by my older brother from 11 to 14. I never fitted in anywhere and was made fun of for being differen... View more

I often wish I'd never been born because life is just too hard. As a child i witnessed endless occasions of domestic violence and was sexually abused by my older brother from 11 to 14. I never fitted in anywhere and was made fun of for being different. At 26 i witnessed a man get murdered after coming to my aid while being mugged and being violently attacked. He died. I almost died too that day but escaped. I have lived in 4 different countries, always running. Settled in Oz eventually and had 2 kids, now grown with problems of their own. Divorced when they were still little, better than an ugly marriage. Recently gave up my rental home. Too expensive. Moved into a share house and got thrown out after 2 weeks. My daughter took me in but her BF hates me. My grandaughter and i have a close bond which keeps me going but my daughter sided with her BF and threw me out less than a week after i broke my arm. Her best friend took me in, which my daughter insisted upon but now accuses me of "stealing" her friend and now refuses me access to my grandaughter. I can't win. I've worked like a trooper all my life. I'm kind to animals and old people. I do my positive best by all persons but i very rarely get the same in return. I've had depression/anxiety/PTSD for so long now im worn out and just want to opt out so badly. Have tried to end my life 4 times since i was15. Just can't see the light any more.

Klaudia Bullying at work
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I have no idea how to start. For last couple of months I have felt so useless, hopeless and worthless. I would love to change it but I don't know how to do it. I have been to Australia for almost 5 years. My husband and I didn't speak En... View more

Hi everyone, I have no idea how to start. For last couple of months I have felt so useless, hopeless and worthless. I would love to change it but I don't know how to do it. I have been to Australia for almost 5 years. My husband and I didn't speak English at all and even though we decided to go to Australia. It was always my dream, dream which changed to nightmare. Our beginning wasn't easy but we were so determined to make everything work. After 1 month I found a job. Co-workers were very nice and helpful. Also my employer seemed like a great guy. He was but only for first 2 or 3 weeks. I barely spoke English so I decided to stick with this job. I worked so hard even everyday humiliation and lack of respect from my boss side. I felt like a crap , like someone who is worthless. Staff changed very often. People didn't want to work there but I didn't give up. After 2 years I was promoted as a manager and my sponsorship visa was granted . I loved my team, I was always nice and polite. I treated them like I want to be treated. My employer blamed me every single time even it wasn't my fault and my responsibilities. He yelled and sweared in front of everyone. Everyday I heard how shitty I am. Where shitty was a compliment in his mouth. I heard much worst words... He wasn't happy that I was always kind and calm. I was at work but on my way home always in tears. He thought that workers should be afraid of manager , otherwise they are not productive and don't listen. Most of people who used to work with me were Australian. He never said a bad word to them, if someone was from different background he treated that person like a worst category. After 3 years I left. I couldn't work there any minute longer. I felt strong pain in my chest and stomach. I couldn't sleep and eat. I was afraid of leaving my apartment. On my last day at work my boss told me: ''f..k off and never come back. I hope you will be deported... It's not your country and never will be and remember if you say a word to Immigration or Fair Work I will smash you and your husband like a berry on my uncle farm. Remember , I know where you live." When I left I lost my visa and I wasn't allowed to work in Australia for almost one year till our next visa was granted. 2 years left... but I still can not forget about it. I'm so angry that I allowed someone to treat me like that. The worst thing is I'm so afraid to go to a different workplace. I have no idea what to do...

Donte 'Sandwich' carers caught in the middle and expected to look after their elderly migrant parents and their dependent children simultaneously.
  • replies: 5

As many non-English speaking communities in Australia are ageing disproportionately to the rest of the population, (due to migrants from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds having arrived in waves, and having similar age), many Australi... View more

As many non-English speaking communities in Australia are ageing disproportionately to the rest of the population, (due to migrants from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds having arrived in waves, and having similar age), many Australian-born children of migrants find themselves in a caring role for their elderly parents while they may be simultaneously juggling home-life, work, relationships, raising their own children etc. People in Australia today tend to live longer (on average 10+ years than in the 60’s according to ABS statistical data) which puts additional pressure on carers. On the other hand, it is also not uncommon nowadays for adult children to remain at home longer due to studies, cost of living, unemployment etc. or to return to the family home after the break-up of their relationships, loss of jobs, mental health issues etc. This, at a time when many carers are faced with their own health, relationship, and financial challenges as they approach middle age. So, we have many people who belong to a generation of what we call ‘Sandwich Carers’ (those caught in the middle). Other carers are elderly and care for their spouse or a younger child with a disability or mental illness and live with the fear and anxiety of what’s going to happen to their loved ones once they die. No matter what the situation, caring for someone is an important topic worth our thought and discussion especially in the context of burnout and mental health impact as it is often expected in various communities. Most carers provide unpaid assistance for family members or friends with care needs. They are parents, children, partners, other relatives and friends who assist with a variety of personal care, health care, transport, household and other activities. The majority do not identify themselves as ‘carers’. They just do what comes naturally or what is expected of them (particularly common within certain non-English speaking groups). Many culturally and linguistically diverse carers do not access information, services and supports as it may not be culturally appropriate to seek help outside the home. Compared to paid care workers, carers are disadvantaged regarding health and safety, holidays, work, leisure and financial security. What is your experience of caring within your own cultural group? I'd like to hear your stories and particularly in relation to the impact on your mental health.

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