Facing a court case

[Salted_Wound]

A eighteen year old kid far away from from friends, family and country living ultimate depressed life from a long ago. Sometimes thinks of quitting and sometimes hopes to be everything alright. He has been living his life with full of depression and the small hope. He is alone and has never shared his problem with anyone, not a single person this is the first place that he's taking out from inside him. He has been charged with assault in the court which he did not committed, somehow he was responsible for that but not solely. He has been following court from long ago, it has been more than six months and he is living alone with head full of why, how and if. Just imagine, a eighteen year old kid and how he is facing all these things.

[Croix]

Dear Salted Wound~

Welcome here and thank you for trusting us and reaching out. You sound very alone and coming here can be a first step in fixing that. From the sound of it you have a great deal of pressure on you and trying to deal with it all alone can make things much harder.

I guess if you have never told anyone else then you have never been to a doctor and seen if you have an illness such as depression. If it was me that wold be one of the first things I'd do. It could be a GP, or Headspace, or the Kids Help Line (teen branch). Any would be an excellent place to start. Once that is underway how you view things could improve quite quickly.

You did say you were in a different country, away from family and friends. How do you get on with your family? Is there anyone you could talk with - even by email - who cares about you and would want to help. I don't know your circumstances of course but many are most reluctant to talk with their parents fearing they will not understand. As a parent I'd want to know and help, irrespective of the problem, love does that.

I can't really say much about the court case other than if it is possible to be represented - I don't know if that is realistic - as having a lawyer can be a big help in putting your side of things before the court.

I hope you can feel comfortable here and come back and talk more

Croix

[Salted_Wound]

Hie Croix.

Thank you so much for your reply. The next date of my court is very very near. It's after two days and I'm very scared of the outcome. I don't know anything about court process and police cases but several times I was lucky to get adjourned because they want me to get lawyer but this time I don't think that I'll get adjourned because I've no lawyer at all and I'm going court alone with hope. The thing that heart most is that I'm teenager and I haven't explored life alot and end is near. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid that I haven't been alive enough

[Croix]

Dear Salted Wound~

I've got to say I"m concerned about you, you said I haven't explored life alot and end is near.

Do you mean you are close to killing yourself? If so I've two things to say straight off:

The first is I'm an ex-policeman and know that assault charges are not the end of the world, certainly not getting so stressed and overwhelmed about to need to take you life. OK, it's a strange world in the courts and everything is very uncertain, but it is not a life-breaker. Most first offenses stand a good chance of having lenient sentences if found guilty.

If you can give the court reasons to be lenient. I am not in a position to advise you so as I said before if it is not too late find a lawyer, if you can't find one try legal aid, and if they refuse tell that to the court.

The second thing I wanted to say was I've wanted to take my life too. I felt there was no hope, things were a disaster and there was no way out. I was wrong, both circumstance and illness - depression - made me think that way, and it was close, a short while and I would not be here talking to you now. But I was wrong, there was hope, my life worked out.

Right now I'd think in terms of talking on our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636), see what they have to say. Even the sound of a voice can be a surprising comfort.

A little effort to reach out now rather than just sitting in worry and fear can make an awful lot of difference

I hope to hear more from you

Croix

[Salted_Wound]

Dear Croix,

I really appreciate your support and I would like to thank you for your care. At this stage I'm not killing myself, now I'm strong enough. Likely in past, I had thought about this many times.

I received phone calls from my parents on a daily basis questioning about me, my health and situation and I've been lying them by saying that everything is alright I'm more than happy and they are happy by my lies. My parents had debt huge amount of money to send me here with very high rate of interest, and I'm here like this. This thing has affected me in all aspect, my life has been mess and my studies too. I've been losing myself into thoughts and imaginations most of the time, my hands and whole body shakes all the time and I'm tired and sleepy for the whole time.

[Croix]

Dear Salted Wound~

Well I'm relieved about that. You do seem however to be a person that takes on a whole load of responsibility. True your parents have made a big effort to send you to study, so I'm not surprised with how you feel. Actually if you step back you can see it is a partnership between them and you. It's not their job to just fork out the cash, or yours to just study, behave your self and get the qualification.

Life simply does not work like that and all parties have to expect problems along the way. While I'm sure they are happy at the moment with your fibs about everything being fine I'm not sure you are really doing them any favors.

Look at it this way. If you were a parent, would you prefer a son who was able to trust you enough to open up when things went wrong. Had enough faith in you that you could deal with problems as they came up.

The fact is you are not coping well and need support. I'm guessing but I would not be surprised that you have not got yourself representation is a symptom of this.

I'd suggest that even though a most difficult thing to do telling your parents how you really are is the wise thing. This is probably as important as seeking the medical help I mentioned before.

It may seem you have dug yourself a hole, but with a helping hand it can be behind you.

What do you think?

Croix

[Salted_Wound]

I love my parents so much and I don't want to give them any kind of trouble and worries. That's why I'm hiding biggest blur of my life. Sometimes I'm sending them some money from my pocket and sending false hope with fake smile all most everyday. They are my life. I've court date tomorrow and I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. I'm quite bit more than panic. By the way thank you Croix. Thank you so much for your words.

[Croix]

Dear Salted Wound~

Whatever you decide and whatever happens you have a place here you can talk. There will always be sympathy and understanding here

Croix

[Salted_Wound]

OK Croix. If I backed tomorrow then I'll post here again. I'm glad that you guys are here and I wonder that why I hadn't been known about you earlier.

[Salted_Wound]

How are you people? I'm so glad that I've took out my hidden secret to you people. Tomorrow is my date, anything could possibly be tomorrow and I'm very scared at the moment, I don't even know what to say and what to right.
I'm literally very tired and stressed at the moment, thinking about tomorrow. Head full of thoughts, prayings and predictions. All the things of my life are rounding in my mind. My childhood, my parents, my career, my studies and everything. I'm having headache and dizzy my hands and legs are not moving, my body is shaking. In this summer I'm inside blanket but my whole body is wet by sweat. I'm only some hours of free life. I maybe locked by tomorrow or I may be deported to my country or detention. My career is going to be finished. I'll never able to be better person. I don't want to be shit. I want to be a good man and want to do good deeds. I'm not a criminal, I don't want to live rest of my life with tag of criminal.

I'm at the train right now going to Magistrates court with small hope of returning back to my room.