Dear Dedes~
I'll join Anton in welcoming you here. Your situation is sadly a common one,
as you will see looking around here. Very upsetting, being powerless and having
no guide book as to what to do.
Both the doctor and Anton are right of course, it is your son that has to
make the moves and needs to want to try. By now I guess you have given him
every argument there is, and have been met with anger and disagreement. You may
even feel you have burned your boats in the relationship by constant pressure
to get treatment - I doubt that would be the case really though.
So what's left? Let's leave aside the situation where you really feel your
son is about to kill himself or do himself serious harm. I'm not suggesting
this is going to happen, all I'm saying is that in such situations your job is
clear cut - you call emergency services (eg 000)
What I'm putting down now is just some thoughts - maybe one will work, I
don't know.
Apart from that perhaps simply letting him say what he wants and
acknowledging what he say - not agreeing, just showing you have taken it on
board. This is an effort to stop him feeling you are an enemy to be fought
against. Mind you if he is abusive I'd say so and withdraw, you have rights too
and they need to be obvious. You can let him know you love him but are not
sticking around at that moment to be sworn at or whatever.
If you can in some way be on the same page, trying to do some things
together - no matter how small. Try to get him to see you are someone he can
feel cooperates, and can cooperate with himself.
It may be someone else might be in a better position than you to interact
with him. I'd think any form of interaction would be good, help get him out of
that closed room environment into the world. Does he have anyone he likes or
has enjoyed being with in the past?
You might be able to provide relief for something that's troubling, a hair
salon where his baldness can be turned to advantage - there are plenty of bald
personalities in the media and public life - is there one he likes?
Failing all else you let your son know you are there, love him and just
leave things that way. I honestly don't think you are going to have immediate
success with any approach, I guess you have to persevere.
That long road will take its toll on all in the family- particularly you, so
you need support too, a partner, friend or even a GP, anything to take a little
load away.
I hope you come back and say what you think
Croix
