please talk to me on gold coast

[future_]

ello, please can someone help me on the gold coast, its a suburb like any other, not that glamourous as people think. I don't even go to the beach after years when I was younger I have had enough of the beach, but can not move because of my teenagers life, little bit of family and few friends it will excelerate her despression. I am feeling so down it is so hard to get thru the day at one job I have absolutely nothing to do but sit and stare out the window until someone gives me a 5 minute job yet I am grateful I am employed so grateful becuase it keeps a roof over my and teenagers head. I am so low that I need a partner to go home to share, cuddle and feel needed for. please help me my teenager doesnt know how to handle it and closes themself in their room on internet. anyone on the gold coast i can met and live with to just enjoy a simple life please. warm regards from sam.

[PamelaR]

Hello Sam GC

There are a lot of people here giving you virtual support Sam. I know it isn't the same as seeing someone in real life. Though, our forums are set up for the safety of everyone. There is no intent to make anyone feel rejected, those have been the rules of the forums since it started.

Maybe you can tell me a little more about your daughter. Why do you think she is hiding from you? Is there anything you can talk to her about?

It seems you get lonely on the weekend. What do you do during the week that keeps you occupied?

What's been happening in your life recently?

I see how you are hurting terribly and I'd like to help by listening and talking with you online.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi Sam gc,

I'm wondering if you can create options for yourself on the weekend. I try to attend Church every Sunday. That way I am with people, we all have a morning tea after, I might not have real close friends there but I am with people.

Maybe you could find a group you can connect with. Some walki9ng groups go out on Sundays, is it possible for you to locate a group like that in your area?

Could you suggest you go out with your daughter, go to the movies, out to lunch, or just for a coffee and cake somewhere.

Is it possible for you to do some weekend volunteer work? Your local council maybe able to help you with options.

People are always required in a home for the elderly to do social activities, you will have lots of people there to talk to and friendships can be formed.

I do realise you are wanting friends you can connect with. Maybe doing some of these other things will lead to future friendships!

Wishing you all the best, from Dools

[Donte]

Hello Sam,

Thanks for the response. 🙂

I understand that weekends are hard for you so I thought I'd drop a line to see how you feeling today. Any plans for the day?

I remember a time in my life where I used to dread the weekends. I used to feel this sadness by Friday afternoon and didn't want to go home after work. I was so busy during the week and couldn't cope with the sudden change of pace and having nothing planned to do.

Nowadays, I often enjoy just being. Staying in bed till late, relaxing and enjoying the fact that I often have nothing to do and no work to think about. Kinda liberating.

I read somewhere that we are human beings, not human doings.

It's ok to do nothing. To not plan. To relax and learn to enjoy your own company. The longest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Partners come and go. Children grow up and leave. Friends come and go. But we remain. It's good to cherish your own company.

When I get anxious or depressed I try to bring myself in the present. I look around me, observe my room, my furniture, the sounds, the light etc and I just breathe deeply. I am safe. I am ok. There is nothing to worry about.

It's ok to not know what you like to volunteer for. It's ok to not like pets. These are just some things that I have found beneficial and enjoyable but each person is different. You will find what you need eventually.

Sometimes the loneliness and frustration helps us change something and pushes us to get up and do something differently.

Having a teenager is not easy. I remember how difficult it was while my daughter was going through those years. Communication changes or stops. The way your child used to see you and depended on you changes. Social media and peers become very important. I learnt to not ask, just let her know that I was available whenever and if she ever wanted to talk about anything but respected her privacy too.

It has gotten better. Now she works, pays rent, bills, her loans etc and is a beautiful, responsible young lady. Brings a smile to my face.

Keep in mind, whatever you are going through right now is not permanent, it will change. It always does.

Hope you enjoy today and waiting to hear back from you. X

[Donte]

Dear Sam,

When life isn't going as we expect and painful emotions are running high, we often tell ourselves that this feeling will last forever. Nothing could be further from the truth, as all feelings come and go, wax and wane, over time.

I have learnt to challenge my own thinking that because life isn't pleasant, this unpleasantness is going to last forever. Nothing lasts forever. It's good to remind ourselves that we've never felt the same way about anything or anyone consistently over our lives. Our feelings come and go, ebb and flow, changing with the unpredictable and unexpected turns of life.

The simple but wise truth is that feelings change - they always change.

Right now, it may seem that you feel understandably despondent and desperate, and feeling no hope of relief, alone, raising a teenager, in a place where you feel disconnected and alien. But, would you feel differently about your life if you knew for a fact that within a few years, you would enjoy life with a partner and have a close relationship with your daughter again? If you have answered 'Yes, I would', then act as if this is true!

It makes a huge difference to our mental well being if we have a recovery mindset. When we are able to realize that we have choices and can take steps so the chaos in our life would resolve and we won't always feel this heart-rending distress.

As life always does, just remember, it changes; and when it does, so do our feelings.

Nothing, but nothing, lasts forever.

[Doolhof]

Hi Sam,

Just dropping by to see how you are getting on. Were you able to go out on the weekend and do something different?

Have you had a look in your area to see what kinds of clubs and groups are available?

You mentioned you used to have a dog, what if you go and sit at a dog park for a while and chat with people there. It might be a little bit of company for you.

Could you see if there are any groups meeting in the local library?

Maybe your daughter can help you look at some friendship groups on the internet to see what is available in your age group.

Maybe take up art classes/yoga/dancing/ pottery who knows what you might enjoy and who you might meet.

All the best to you, from Dools

[UsedToBeANiceGuy]

Hi Sam, I am also from the GC and I really hear where you are coming from. It is such a hollow place where few are able to express themselves truthfully. It is a real struggle for me in this city, and I am desperately seeking help too. You are right, I am so sick of being told to go for a walk and find a hobby. Those things aren't going to make me feel better mentally, they aren't going to help me get back to who I was before. My heart bleeds for you, as I truly know what you are going through, as I am feeling the same pain every day. I have read many, many forums and for the first time I joined one, just to tell you that, you are not alone, I am going through the same thing. Hopefully we will find the help we crave so much. Until then, all we can do is try our best to get out of bed in the morning and push through another long lonely day. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone in feeling this way.

[Donte]

Hello UsedToBeANiceGuy,

Welcome to the forum. 🙂

It's great to have you here. And yes, you are not alone. Thank you for finding the courage to post in here. Internet is an amazing thing and we can connect in ways unfathomable before. No matter where we are, in the click of the mouse we communicate with others in the same or similar situations with us. Sharing help us deal with stuff better.

I have been to Gold Coast on numerous occasions for holidays and work but never stayed more than a week. Loved how light and happy I felt up there compared to my city here. Love the climate and the ocean. I remember waking up without alarms at 5am and look out the window and it was busting with life, surfers, boats, commotion. I remember not feeling my pain and such heaviness lifted off my chest. Here I feel like 100 yo most days.

Down here I can hardly get up each morning and the cold weather makes all my bones hurt as I suffer from fibromyalgia. Many days I am unable to walk or get out of bed and my depression is debilitating and at its worst during the endless, cold winters.

Of course, each person's experience is different. It's also very different if you are on a vacation. I remember thinking, no matter how much I like the change and warmth, the ocean and carefree feeling in the air, I couldn't stay longer than a week. It's such a transient place based on tourism and in a way artificially made so I can imagine that it may be hard to build roots and establish a community.

Wondering why you live there? Where you always there or have you moved up there for work?

Personal circumstances vary and not one person has identical experiences.

Sometimes, we cannot go back to who we were before. We just have to accept where we are now and do the most of it.

May I suggest that perhaps you could create what you need instead of 'finding' it? But we need to know what are our core values are and plan some goals that will lead us there. The recovery mindset is something we need to cultivate as it doesn't just happen.

Wondering what is it that you think could make your life better? If engaging with others or having hobbies or physical activity is not for you (and that's fair enough), is there something you truly enjoy? Perhaps keep doing more of that.

Only you have the answer that you are seeking. And you are not alone. We are all here with you, trying to do the best we can with the predicament we find ourselves in.

Hope you hang around a bit and to hear from you more. X

[Doolhof]

Hi Used To Be A Nice Guy,

Welcome to the community here. I see that Donte has replied to you with a wonderful response.

I'd just like to suggest that if you feel comfortable to do so, you might like to start up your own thread. Of course it is okay for you to join in anywhere you like. With your own thread you may have more contact with members.

It is wonderful you have reached out to Sam and expressed how you are feeling. Loneliness can indeed to happen to any of us, even those of us in a relationship.

If you do go out for a walk, do you see other people around you? Do you offer them a smile and say hello? Do you look around you and try to find something to be thankful for? More mumbo jumbo perhaps but after a while if we can train ourselves to think differently, slowly we can turn the corner.

I come now live in a small town. Yesterday I walked tot he P.O. Three people I don't know said hello and smiled at me. They were just being friendly. I had felt lonely before I left home. Some random greetings made me feel better about myself.

By smiling and saying hello to random people, you may be putting a smile on their face and warmth to their hearts. Yours as well.

Cheers from Dools

[future_]

thankyou for answering me I am sure you are a nice guy. i look forward to your next message and thank you for helping me

[future_]

wow someone who understands because they are from the same area as me please lord allow us help each other thru this with common ground to work on each day.