My 11 y.o daughter is depressed

[Maro]

Hi everyone, great to be part of that online community group. My daughter is now in year 5. She has been diagnosed with social phobia and anxiety. It runs in her dad's family. She is struggling with her friendships at school. Can't talk up for her self most of the time. Scared to tell the teacher. Plus started to be jealous of one of her best friends that led to losing . Teasing her little sister most of the time at home. Keep saying words like" I hate my life" is a concern to me and her dad. We always trying to support her. But the way she feels about herself is not great. Being born overseas ( we came Australia when she was 3 y.o)plus darker skin plus not being able to talk up and make a good speech butting her down. Any advice about how to handle that at home. Forgot to say we saw a psychologist before who helped a bit.

[Donte]

Hello Maro and welcome to this online Multicultural experiences forum.

Thank you for reaching out to this community for support and sharing your story and concerns as a mother of a child who is currently going through changes being in the stage just before puberty and displaying behavior that understandably is of concern.

It is great that you have seeked professional advice and support from a psychologist. I believe that you have also already consulted with your family doctor to explore if medication management is necessary. The school Counselor would be a great person to support your daughter as well.

We cannot give advise here as we all live with certain conditions and offer support to our peers, however, this website has some excellent information and resources which you could explore for further help. Private chats online or phone conversations with a Counselor are also offered through BeyondBlue.

As a father of a daughter (she's now 22) who lives with anxiety and depression I can tell you that it gets harder before it gets easier. The years 13-18 were terrible for us. Now, things have really calmed down as hormones do tend to play a big role in adolescent depression and anxiety, and so does diet and alcohol and other drugs, friendships and relationships, bullying at school etc.

One thing that helped me was keeping the communication open. Chatting to Parentline (free support telephone line for parents) and providing my daughter with resources such as a female GP to see without me present, KidsLine (confidential and anonymous telephone and chat support for children 5-25yo) and attending parent groups, family counselling and courses such as TuneIntoKids and TuneIntoTeens run by Anglicare and Parentzone.

You are not alone. Much of what your daughter is going through can be 'normal' adolescent behavior. Be there for her. Not necessarily giving answers or solutions but mostly just listening and acknowledging and validating her feelings and reality. It's a process. a very very long one. But it is worthwhile and special. You are entering a new phase in your relationship with her and as a family.

Keep chatting with us too. We are here to listen and support you.

[Jigsaw9]

Maro

Firstly I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is experiencing this at such a young age. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Secondly you may wish to consider in putting her in a social activity where she can connect with more people on her level. Does she play sport? dance? play music? karate?

You can use many things fuelled by her interests that will allow her to interact with other children on her level. Even things like art and craft will help. I have an 11 year old son and something i found that really gives him satisfaction is sudoku puzzles. There is a great sense of achievement when they are solved. However, beware as this may exacerbate the situation if they are not solved!

Sport tends to be quite popular in that age group. I'd look for something like netball or swimming.

Hope that helps and we are all here for you if you need help.

[Donte]

On my way to work the other day I heard the lively voices of a group of elementary school pupils heading off for school. The children's voices reminded me of when my daughter was little. My daughter seemed to have enjoyed most of the primary school years. She took ballet lessons and tap dance, she loved singing and performing and had lots of friends. At times, I had found it hard to accept that I had this ordinary, happy child. How could someone like me possibly be the father of a child like this? During those times, I smile and remind myself that all is Well. All is as it should be. Now and always.