Love needs no passport!

[Donte]

With 46% of our population being born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas (ABS Data), representing more than 200 ethnicities and 135 religions, is inevitable that people will mingle, associate, deal, and develop relationships with others who may be of a very different background and belief system than them, speaking a different language not only in words but worldview in general. Australia is one of the most diverse place on earth and people are daily exposed to a variety of cultural, religious, social elements that enrich, challenge, expand our minds and human experience. Children born in our multicultural world have even further chances to have best friends and later lovers or partners from very different backgrounds to ours. They’re certainly growing up in a very different reality to the one we grew up in. So how do we effectively deal with differences? What religion to follow? What language to speak? What community to choose to be a part of? Cross-cultural relationships and interracial marriages are on the rise. How does this affect our mental health? What happens when our family becomes our worst enemy? When dynamics change because of cross-cultural communication or strife? How do we navigate the complexities surrounding racial or religious differences? Who do we talk to? How can we meet half-way? And can we? What’s your experience?

[Bethie]

Seems easy. Let the Mums have coffee together..

OK maybe not as straight forward as that but people socilising together even if it's just saying hi to someone they normally wount helps.

I was brought up as racists extreme being told I was a Angle as in blond hair blue eyes with the worst of white power beliefs inc religious views but that said it was not hard to break free. All it took was being forced to talk to others, then I started seeing that there is good and bad in any culture. At the blood bank nobody looks at blood and sees who it comes from...

If we honestly want to keep growing people need respect.. a Muslim lady covering her head is just the same as a christian wearing a cross. It's part of who they are and are proud.

I'd challenge anyone to just say hi to 1 person you would normally not each day for 1 week and see that people are just that people

[Donte]

What a beautiful outlook Bethie! The only way to be in a multicultural society where you will come face to face with different people from diverse backgrounds, with variety of belief systems and traditions and languages! The world is such a colorful place and Australia is one of the best microcosm reflecting this diversity. The apartment block I live in has more than 100 flats and I can tell you, 100+ ethnicities! I cannot take the rubbish down without coming face to face with a diversity of people, some from very different backgrounds to mine. That's one of the things I enjoy about this country. Being part of a huge tapestry of people making up the fabric of our society with no other basic common thread to keep us living peacefully but respect for each other and valuing differences. When it comes to mental health, which is the main focus of this forum, I'd like to know how living in such richly diverse environment assists in our recovery or hinders it. How do we deal with cultural and religious differences particularly in an intimate relationship? I think as a society we are moving from multiculturalism to 'interculturalism' where integration takes place and each community starts to mingle and adapt to each other developing a new 'culture', the second and third generation of Australians born of migrant parents who intermarry and have cross-cultural/cross-religious relationships that transcend language and country of origin. Growth as human beings and mutual respect together with a healthy curiosity and willingness to explore and learn from each other is a good step towards the formation of a positive environment. 🙂

[Just Sara]

Hi Donte' and Bethie;

I come from an inter-racial marriage (Anglo decent, now divorced and ex is deceased) with a son who struggles with his identity.

When we first separated I was pregnant. Contact with my ex, in-laws and friends from his cultural (Sinhalese) community became non existent. As my son grew older, I tried desperately to find relevant cultural connections for him without success.

My little boy was the only student in the school from his culture and; with dark skin. I asked my ex to become involved in his life with little interest from him, searched locally including the city council for Sinhalese families and even wrote to the consulate for advice. They were confused by my request but understood my predicament.

We lived in a semi rural community where cultural diversity wasn't as pronounced as metro areas. (Where my ex lived) I felt helpless when my son began to identify with Indigenous Australians because he saw his 'colour' as the dominant factor of his identity.

Australians now have access to information, to connect, participate and ask for help via the internet. My son at that time though, relied on me and I failed him as did his father.

I'm grateful to the internet for providing support and services that link individuals and families who may be in similar situations to mine. It's a blessing I would've appreciated back then.

6 yrs ago my son met his father, his wife and their two children (his siblings) for the first time. I promoted relationships between them wholeheartedly until my ex died. Although he stays in touch with his other family, his identity still favours Indigenous culture.

I will say, at my ex's funeral my son participated and contributed to the ancient religious process with respect and honour; I'm so proud of him. It helped to ease this burden I've carried for many yrs.

I don't know if my story's in line with this thread. I apologise if it isn't. I haven't spoken about this for a long time, so thank you for giving me an outlet to do so.

Kind regards;

Sez

[Elizabeth CP]

I think there are two different issues here. Firstly we live in a multicultural society so we need to learn to respect each other. I lived in a migrant hostel for nearly 4 years. I was bullied badly. Unsure how much was due to the cultural differences but I do remember being called names by Australians at school even though I was English & therefore not that different. This bullying has resulted in long term self-esteem issues, depression & anxiety. The effects of that bullying are still with me almost 60 years later. As parents we need to teach our children to respect & accept others regardless of their background. I think programs should be implemented at least at school if not elsewhere to teach all of us about the different cultures & religions which make up our society. The media has a lot of influence which is often negative. For example if someone does something wrong the media states their religion or culture giving the public the impression that that behaviour is the norm for that group. Negative stereotyping leads directly to tensions between groups & increases the risks of bullying & other similar behaviours which based on my experience has long term mental health consequences.

The other issue is intimate relationships between people of different cultures. While I think we can be learn to be friends with people from different backgrounds we need to be cautious about entering into intimate relationships. Differences in attitudes re major issues such as parenting, discipline etc can become a source of conflict. My daughter is married to someone of a very different culture. She spent a long time checking out his attitudes to all the important issues before commiting to a long term relationship. In her case it works because they have enough in common & where they differ they have agreed to compromise. Nevertheless there is still problems as the MIL tries to pressure them into bringing the children up according to her ideas which differs drastically from my daughters & leaves my SIL caught between his mother & wife. Interracial relationships can work but need to be entered into with caution & open eyes to ensure both sides are able to make to required compromises. Broken relationships particularly when children are involved are stressful for all particularly the innocent children. This stress can lead to MI.

[Just Sara]

Hi Elizabeth;

I'm so sorry you bare the scars of childhood bullying. I can feel the tension/pain in your words. I'm also sorry to hear your family's having clashing cultural issues.

I must say, your passion for change is admirable and sorely needed in our multi cultural society. Your opinions relating to inter-racial marriage got to me actually.

I don't disagree; I feel regret because I dated for 2 yrs prior to marrying to make sure I was doing the right thing. Unfortunately I was used as a means of establishing citizenship by a charming and ruthless man and his friends.

I do have a beautiful son though and would never regret his presence in my life.

Again, sorry for your experiences and resulting MH problems. I wish you well and hope all turns out for the best for all concerned.

Sez

[Bethie]

Hi Elizabeth

As a parent with a now year 9 student I can happily tell you that at least in Queensland culture diversity is part of the curriculum. My sons school is what is called level 2 migrant. That means as non English speaking children go to specialised schools at first to learn basic English they then go into level 2 schools where extra support is available in all classes. Luckly for me that help is not just for the migrant kids. This year there was only 2 out of area places available in the high school. Parents want their children learning and preparing for life and work in the modern world. If your interesed in seeing how integration is working on a base level Google Yerronga State High School

The mental health on average is far better than alot of other schools because the school has strict guidelnes for students and alot of multicultural experiences. It's good to see the smiles on all faces. Less stress overall

[Lolita1]

Hi Donte,

As per your question about "living in such richly diverse environment assists in our recovery or hinders it"

Given the chance to converse and socialise with cultures different than ours we are opening ourselves to knowledge and different points of view hence, helping our state of mind and helping our mental health.

[Donte]

Hi Sez,

Such a beautiful story! It highlights many important elements of what identity and culture is. Such an individual thing! The way we identify is as unique as we all are! Cultural identity can but not always incorporate ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, language, family, education, migration, work, socioeconomic factors etc. it’s really up to the individual and the way they identify. No two people have the same culture like no two people are identical. I’m so glad that your son developed his identity despite the fact that there were not many others like him around to identify with. Living out of metro areas too would be very different in regards to cultural pluralism. How is his mental health? Has this influenced his well-being? If yes, has he got supports other than you in his life? How are you now? Are you supported by significant others? It’s great that you can reach out here and share. My daughter who’s 22 was raised solely by me after my divorce (she was 9 then), and my second partner died 5 years ago. I didn’t teach her any Greek and I’m not a Greek Orthodox so she hasn’t identified with the Greek ethnicity neither the state religion of Greece. She was the only Greek child in her primary school. One day, years ago, I took her to a Greek restaurant and looking around her she said ‘wow!look at all the Greeks! So many of them! I thought it was only you and I Dad! I’m so proud to be Greek!’. I thought to myself, how interesting that she somehow identifies as Greek even without the language, the religion or any close friends who are Greek! But as I said earlier, identity is such an individual thing! Eventually, we all choose what’s important to us. 🙂

[Donte]

Hi Elizabeth,

I agree with your points! Often people are not inclusive of English speaking Australians (Anglo) when they think, refer or mention multiculturalism. Multicultural people are ALL people who make up the Australian society - including English speakers. We are ALL migrants here no matter how long ago we or our ancestors arrived. This US and THEM mentality that is politically driven and perpetuated by the media can be harmful. It stereotypes and perpetuates racial tension which can lead to bullying, harassment, assault and violence. It can affect the mental, emotional, social, physical health of people. Often these harmful attitudes exist also within various cultural groups who don’t like other groups or the ‘mainstream’ culture or groups/subcultures within their own culture. We don’t hear in the news though ‘White- Anglo Australian Anglican youth robs house...’ you get my drift! Now, considering 46% of our population has at least one parent born overseas of course people will mingle and form intimate relationships. Our Australian-born children also are native to this land and naturally blend in much easier as there are no language or cultural barriers. I’ve been here 30+ years and feel this is my home yet when people first meet me ask me ‘where’s the accent from?’ Or ‘where are you from?’. It’s very interesting indeed as if I say ‘Greek’, often there are instant assumptions that I’m orthodox or speak Greek etc. The fact that I’m an atheist and grew up as a seventh-day Adventist in Athens and my sexual identity as an LGBTIQ+ person is more important to my ethnicity or nationality doesn’t usially cross peoples minds. So in regards to intimate relationships, I believe if people share common values and outlooks in life then it makes no difference if you are in a cross cultural or mono cultural relationship. I was married for 15 years to another Greek (my first marriage) and yet I had more common things with my second partner who was Anglo-Australian. One size never fits all and there is diversity within diversity. No two aussies are the same. No two Greeks are the same etc It’s all about the individual really. That’s what I’ve concluded so far in my journey of migration, integration and intercultural experience. 🙂