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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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Donte Love needs no passport!
  • replies: 16

With 46% of our population being born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas (ABS Data), representing more than 200 ethnicities and 135 religions, is inevitable that people will mingle, associate, deal, and develop relationships with ot... View more

With 46% of our population being born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas (ABS Data), representing more than 200 ethnicities and 135 religions, is inevitable that people will mingle, associate, deal, and develop relationships with others who may be of a very different background and belief system than them, speaking a different language not only in words but worldview in general. Australia is one of the most diverse place on earth and people are daily exposed to a variety of cultural, religious, social elements that enrich, challenge, expand our minds and human experience. Children born in our multicultural world have even further chances to have best friends and later lovers or partners from very different backgrounds to ours. They’re certainly growing up in a very different reality to the one we grew up in. So how do we effectively deal with differences? What religion to follow? What language to speak? What community to choose to be a part of? Cross-cultural relationships and interracial marriages are on the rise. How does this affect our mental health? What happens when our family becomes our worst enemy? When dynamics change because of cross-cultural communication or strife? How do we navigate the complexities surrounding racial or religious differences? Who do we talk to? How can we meet half-way? And can we? What’s your experience?

Donte Homeless man sleeping on a park bench. Is anybody willing to take the extra step?
  • replies: 41

The last week or so every morning and evening when I take the dogs for a walk in the local park, there is a homeless man who has made one of the park benches his bed. The first time I saw his belongings; a blanket, some towels, pillow, a couple of ba... View more

The last week or so every morning and evening when I take the dogs for a walk in the local park, there is a homeless man who has made one of the park benches his bed. The first time I saw his belongings; a blanket, some towels, pillow, a couple of bags with stuff and a little trolley; he wasn’t there. Just his stuff, telling a story about the man who uses these as necessities. Initially, I didn’t pay particular attention. It’s a very common sight where I live. Not unusual to see beggars in the corners, people washing windscreens at the lights, homeless seeking some spare change at the train station, and wandering others asking for things at those enjoying their coffees and meals at the numerous cafes down the street. Just another homeless...I kept walking. The next few days and nights he’d be there. Sometimes asleep, other times awake, drinking or smoking or eating something. On a couple of ocassions one of the dogs will go and sniff him and his belongings. Once or twice the ball ended up under his seat so my dog would go and get it or just sit down and rest under the shade. At those times, I had to stop. Felt awkward. Didn’t want to disturb him. Wasn’t in the mood for chit chats. Something told me to ask him if he’s ok or if he needs anything - he’s been there long enough now, in the exact same spot - yet, I wanted to also respect his ‘home’, his ‘space’. This is a public park after all, but this is clearly his spot for now. I nodded a couple of times. Here and there a reluctant, quick, momentary glimpse. Then carried on as usual. Not sure why, but I’m reluctant to ‘intrude’. It’s his right to be there, alone, left in his own demise. It’s also a genuine concern that I feel and a sense that if I don’t do anything, would anybody else do something? Are we all thinking the same? Is anybody willing to take the extra step? And what would that mean? Should someone contact the police? I don’t want to be that person. The man’s looks resemble a Southern Asian. Not sure if it’s customary for people of that background to live out in the open, to take breaks from whatever life they have. Or if he’s in crisis. Maybe his relationship broke down. Or he lost his job. We are all a step away from homelessness if you think about it. It all takes a loss of income or breakdown of relationship and we could be sleeping on a park bench. Luckily the weather still holds. Every time I see him and not speak I feel it may be the last chance. Yet, why am I not ready?

Donte Look at the individual within and beyond the group.
  • replies: 2

Autumn is my favorite season by far. The weather is still mostly warm but relatively mild and the evenings are balmy and calm. I love the change in the colors of the leaves, the time gradually changing with the days becoming shorter and the nights li... View more

Autumn is my favorite season by far. The weather is still mostly warm but relatively mild and the evenings are balmy and calm. I love the change in the colors of the leaves, the time gradually changing with the days becoming shorter and the nights linger a bit longer. The warm days are still here but somehow not as harsh as the heatwaves of previous months. This whole transformation of nature changing dress and preparing for the eminent winter is depicted everywhere around us. The other day we had one of those last hot days where people were trying to enjoy in variety of ways with the full knowledge that we should make the best of it while it lasts. Indian summer, I heard someone saying. Not sure where or why we get this phrase. Nevertheless, it’s here. I took the opportunity to take my dog down the beach for what it seemed like one of our last times where we could enjoy a swim before the waters turn to icy cold again for the next few months... While walking along the shore and feeling the wet sand under my feet, listening to the waves crush and breathing the fresh seaweed smell and feeling the salty air penetrating my nostrils, I noticed three teens in the distance. One was walking on the shore with their tracksuit pulled up a bit higher than their ankles. The other had lifted their trousers to the knee and was deeper in the water. The third had taken off their pants and was in the water up to their waist. They were splashing water at each other and laughing and enjoying themselves savoring the moment. This made me think of our experiences as human beings and particularly when we are all in the same situation or setting but our particular experience is unique and different to the others. Especially within the context of the sane cultural or ethnic setting, or religious background, we could be like these friends, all walking along together but each one immersed at different levels in the water, at various depths. Also, in terms of wellbeing and mental health, the same issues or diagnosis of the same illness will affect each person differently. One is barely getting wet up to the ankles, the other up to the knees whereas the third one may be immersed up to the waist! Different impact at different levels. So, it’s always important to look at the individual within the group, within the bigger picture and offer appropriate support for the particular situation. Not everyone’s experience of mental illness is the same even within the same culture.

Donte Are you labeled ‘mentally unstable?’ Dare to dream...
  • replies: 3

We live in a society where there are so many voices. Like an enchanted world filled with myriads of nightingales full of promises and hopes and wishes for a life of many years and happy days. And you and I, and every one from the provinces, or the ci... View more

We live in a society where there are so many voices. Like an enchanted world filled with myriads of nightingales full of promises and hopes and wishes for a life of many years and happy days. And you and I, and every one from the provinces, or the cities, or the country, we are the sleeping beauties of our life. But we might know it already, someone has put a prize on our heads. To sacrifice yourself for your dreams is one thing, and your dreams to be killing you, is another. We live in a magical world where the lights, the flags, the fireworks and parades, the speeches and the handshakes may divert our sight away from the fact that there’s one and only goal underneath it all, to put us in the game, that it's going to make our life better, to promise me, to promise you to consume our soul. And when it finally gets us hooked in, controls the pain of our hope, but that’s not enough you see, with kind, gentle words (the system) takes us by the hand and makes us a family-man, a mortgage payer, a depended consumer drowning in needs, in loans... And just right when we say things have changed and we rise the glass and cheer, It takes over, steals our dreams and murders them. And you and I, we either put our heads down and continue working for the system, without a word, without a question, or we get excommunicated and labeled ‘mentally unstable’.

Donte Suffering a mental illness or living with one?
  • replies: 13

If you are older than ten years old then you’d probably remember a time when people were mentally ill. I remember clearly that people were ‘sufferers’. Cancer victims, AIDS victims, diabetes sufferers etc. In the not so far away past, not only in my ... View more

If you are older than ten years old then you’d probably remember a time when people were mentally ill. I remember clearly that people were ‘sufferers’. Cancer victims, AIDS victims, diabetes sufferers etc. In the not so far away past, not only in my country of origin,’but in Australia too and globally, an illness was looked upon as suffering claiming its victims, the patients. Luckily, the last decade or so things have shifted drastically in most areas of illness management due to technological advances in medication, treatments, prognosis etc as the scientific progress has moved on making it possible for people to ‘live with an illness’. Instead of cancer sufferers or AIDS victims, nowadays we have people living with cancer or people living with HIV etc. This is highly empowering for people who have been diagnosed with life-limiting and chronic illnesses. When you know that you won’t die ‘from it’ but rather ‘with it’ makes a huge difference to your outlook in life, your behavior, choices, planning for the future and setting goals to assist you with improving the day to day living and enhance the quality of life you have. So now people are not suffering from mental illness, they live with mental illness. And that means they can thrive and enjoy life and be as creative and productive as they desire. Medication advances together with psychotherapy and counseling techniques and CBT and mindfulness, meditation, life coaching, group work etc allows individuals to manage their prognosis and have power in their hands. With the arrival of NDIS and the inclusion of mental illness in the scheme, there are numerous supports in place for the individual who may pursue them and dare to dream! Dare to live again! How’s the shift affecting you positively? Has your specific community caught up with the drastic improvements and shifts in terms of managing mental health and the way the responsibility now falls upon the person to make goals, dare to dream, plan and receive supports to make it happen? Are attitudes changing in your cultural or religious group? Are people in your circle more open to talk and access supports? Are you or someone you know LIVING with an illness or suffering it?

Donte Is it better to tell it as it is or sugar-coat it? Death, dying and palliative care in culturally diverse settings and effect on mental health.
  • replies: 21

Today I visited a friend who is in a palliative care hospice. The prognosis is not promising. The family are very distressed but try to not talk in front of the person about anything that could potentially upset them. Upon arrival and while I was try... View more

Today I visited a friend who is in a palliative care hospice. The prognosis is not promising. The family are very distressed but try to not talk in front of the person about anything that could potentially upset them. Upon arrival and while I was trying to find the bed I bumped onto a couple of their relatives who warned me not to say anything regarding death or dying. This isn't uncommon. Even nowadays, many people from various backgrounds are not comfortable or prepared to discuss death and feel that they are not equipped to have this final discussion with a loved one. So, this is the elephant in the room that no one acknowledges and despite the fact that often the actual patient knows that their time is up. They may just be playing along so not to distress the others. When my friend saw me they tried to speak but wasn't able to. On a little whiteboard that was by their side they wrote in red thick texta: 'Am I dying?' This was very difficult for me to deal with. On one hand there is the issue of respecting the family and partner. On the other, I do not wish to perpetuate lies and give false hope. Unable to answer directly I asked them instead: 'What do you think?' They wrote: 'I think I am'. And I just nodded and grabbed their hand. Upon leaving the hospital I was thinking about culture and religion and the various superstitions that surround death and dying and those last moments of being alive and how they shape the attitudes and behaviours of people. Wondered what mental health state the patient is, the partner, the family and friends etc. In many communities there is a fear or superstition around death and preparing for it. People do not want to make a will or write an advance care plan. Some think it's better not to talk or plan about this and just do whatever you have to when the time comes. What is your experience in your community or country of origin? Do you think if we disclose to the patient that we will contribute to more mental anguish and stress? Is it better to tell it as it is or sugar-coat it? And who's wishes to fulfill - the patient's or their circle?

Donte I am my own benchmark and not you. That's how I am happy.
  • replies: 7

As far back as I can remember I've been judged by others; parents, relatives, neighbors, teachers etc. Criticized about the way I talk, dress, behave and most importantly the way I think! I often offend people. How many times daily you judge someone ... View more

As far back as I can remember I've been judged by others; parents, relatives, neighbors, teachers etc. Criticized about the way I talk, dress, behave and most importantly the way I think! I often offend people. How many times daily you judge someone and their appearance even if you are silent about it? In the bus, the train or down the street. We all talk about diversity but the reality is we don't like to be different, to stand out. Racism and discrimination and bulling is based on this principle: someone is in some way different to us and we dislike it. It makes us uncomfortable. So we have a problem, an issue. We live in a judgmental world and a society that talks about tolerance but hates to act upon it. I'm not going to elaborate on this - you all watch the news. Our society, no matter what your background, kills all the creativity we have within us. Why is that? Simply because humans are good at following trends and do not want to be bothered thinking actively and critically. There are judgmental tendencies in marriages, in workplaces, in religious and sport institutions, in politics etc. We marry a person having an idea of how they should look like, act etc, and then we somehow refuse to accept the differences they have. So we basically start to judge our partner and even try to change them. I have seen this on thousands of clients through my family and relationships work the last decade. All backgrounds, ages, genders exhibit the same trends. It's a human thing...and I am not an exception. Of course this impacts on mental health and increases the levels of self-doubt, anxiety and distress in people. However, as grown ups, instead of letting judgmental words affect us, we can learn to cope with them and avoid worrying too much about the way other people perceive us. Remind yourself that the judgement says nothing about you but everything about the person who judges you. When I say this to people many think I am rude, self-centered and even intimidating. However, a real kindness lies behind this superficial perception.- I always speak the truth, I am open-minded and willing to do new things, I create solutions in innovative ways, I am direct and straight to the point, I am strong-willed, I hate complainers, I am kind, I don't make small talk, I am wise, and I don't tolerate willful ignorance. - This is why I am not the flavor of the day and have no real friends around me. That's how I am happy.

Donte Loss and grief in various cultural groups and communities.
  • replies: 26

This month is five years since my partner died. Even though it’s been so long ago, some times it feels like yesterday. At other times it feels a hundred years ago. The family is organizing a get-together dinner on the anniversary and I feel dreadful.... View more

This month is five years since my partner died. Even though it’s been so long ago, some times it feels like yesterday. At other times it feels a hundred years ago. The family is organizing a get-together dinner on the anniversary and I feel dreadful. I don’t think I have the energy or the emotional capacity to attend but also I’m scared to refuse in case they think I don’t care anymore or that I don’t consider them family nowadays. Everything reminds me of him. simple, beloved, everyday things of ours. I drive outside his work and stuck at the lights I find myself unable to move on. Listening to the tunes that we loved, going in the places that we used to hang out. Everything is as it was. But nothing is the same. The first year I couldn’t function. I hated this city. I didn’t want to be here without him. All our love used to fill our home, our lives, our hearts. Now I sing alone the songs we both used to sing. Faces, places, smells, books, films, songs, and words, everything have his name written all over, and the dream is over! What remains now is memories and sentiments. Everything reminds me of him and our closest friends seem all to have moved on. He was kicked out of home at fifteen and never returned. Cut them all off. Even on his deathbed he didn’t want anything to do with them. I contacted them after his death and met them for the first time at the funeral. Alone here now, I'm reading the letter he had given me before we kissed for the first time. I’m ok. I don’t want you to worry about me. I see a counselor. I’m on antidepressants. I walk and swim and rest. I try to eat well. Have a couple of friends. I take each day as it comes. I have new interests and new work. A daughter whom I love dearly and a dog that has brought me out of the darkest place. I’m just not the same person anymore. There are certain aspects of us that certain people are able to bring up to the surface. Whoever I used to be with him, because of him, has died with him. And certain aspects of him still live in me. It is very different now. Life has changed. How do you deal with loss? What’s an appropriate way to express grief in your family? In your culture? In your community? And I’m not only referring to death-related grief but any loss - migration, work, divorce, chronic illness, aging etc all can represent losses that carry grief with them. Lend me a shoulder to cry on and I’ll lend you mine. X

Usako CALD Multicultural issues and loneliness
  • replies: 15

Hello everyone, thank you for reading my post. I could not find a thread for this topic, so if you find this post to be a duplicate please let me know. I was born overseas and I am very limited linguistically which hinders me to interact with people ... View more

Hello everyone, thank you for reading my post. I could not find a thread for this topic, so if you find this post to be a duplicate please let me know. I was born overseas and I am very limited linguistically which hinders me to interact with people confidently. People seem to feel uncomfortable taking with me because they can't understand me and I misunderstand them. I have lived in Australia for over 10 years but I still have great difficulty in speaking in English. I have been trying to improve my English and avoiding using my own language because my English seems to get worse when I use my own language. I feel very lonely because I have no friends or family in Australia. Also my family members don't have strong connections. I hope I can get some help with overcoming the issue. Thank you.

Hayfa Dig a little deeper
  • replies: 12

I started to reflect after re-reading many of the posts on this forum, some conversations are brilliant, witty, happy and sad. While reading I sensed a bit of a pattern about discontent, frustration, invisibility of identity and confusion. I couldn't... View more

I started to reflect after re-reading many of the posts on this forum, some conversations are brilliant, witty, happy and sad. While reading I sensed a bit of a pattern about discontent, frustration, invisibility of identity and confusion. I couldn't help but feel a bit saddened by some of these posts, I remembered many times while I was growing up asking questions about my culture, background and spiritual beliefs. Very little was said to me because it was complicated but I wanted to know, I insisted on digging deep to find out more since I could see that there was a culture rich in history and beauty and this transcended more than just our art, food and music. To cut a long story short, I was amazed at the journey of knowledge I have been on and continue to have where i am learning more and digging deeper about my origin, culture and beliefs. In fact I recently found out that my people hold the genetic DNA haplogroup X which was recently discovered to be a new and never before seen DNA group, it is around 135,000 years older than the DNA group originally thought to be the oldest since the Siberian migration. It is a rare DNA and apparently only found in the males of my people, the Druze who are inhabitants of Mt Lebanon, Jordan, Syria and Israel. Studies are currently under way to find out how many more holders of this haplogroup and why only these carriers, so far studies have concluded that the Druze have remained in their lands and haven't intermarried thus preserving that particular DNA. It is a fascinating subject that has appealed to scientists around the world and caused so many Druze men to go get tested to see if they carry that DNA. Historically, every cultural group has endured periods of dominance, war, occupation and more, but underneath there is histories rich in beauty and culture and it is worth exploring and digging a little deeper to find out more. I have noticed the confusion of identity and culture stemming from intergenerational issues, diversity within diversity in these posts and how these have contributed to compromised mental health and wellbeing. I think culture and identity could be rethought in ways personally important and celebrated for the goodness that they can be and personally invoke. I know some people don't want to dig deeper or don't really care, some are reserved to what they know now which they may have rendered not positive or they are content with simply what is. Would love to hear your views. Hayfa

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