Multicultural experiences

Shame about my heritage

replies: 22

Hello everyone, I have a very short story here which I would like to share where I was made to feel shame about my Chinese heritage. I have experienced this a lot, and (un?)surprisingly much of it is from my own parents. If you have any stories of yo... View more

Hello everyone, I have a very short story here which I would like to share where I was made to feel shame about my Chinese heritage. I have experienced this a lot, and (un?)surprisingly much of it is from my own parents. If you have any stories of your own, I really welcome your posts. -- My mother's family come from a little suburb in Guangzhou. It is quite a small, poor area, and it constantly reeks of sewerage and just rotten things. My mother was born there in a house that her father, my grandfather, built. Anyway, we were having a chat in the kitchen here one day and my mother said something that made me quite angry. She said, "I will never take my fiance back to my home. And you shouldn't take your girlfriend there either. It is too gross, and she will judge you." I may not have been born there, but it is where I am from. The smell is gross, true, but I have been back to that house every couple of years for my 26 years. It is where my roots are, even if I live in Australia. Why should I feel ashamed about the poverty of my past? I feel ashamed about the behaviour of many people from home, and perhaps it is none of my business, but I will never be so ashamed to not show my loved ones where I came from. --- Have any of you also been made to feel shame or embarrassment about where you come from, whether you feel it was right or wrong? Alternatively, is there something that you do feel shame about? Don't worry, we are not judging you nor your cultural background James

Marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background

replies: 27

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in this forum. I don’t know if it is the right one but I am struggling. I am an Aussie but I am marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background. Has anyone been through this or know of an... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in this forum. I don’t know if it is the right one but I am struggling. I am an Aussie but I am marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background. Has anyone been through this or know of any support groups? I can really use some support.

It's so hard to make friends

replies: 6

Hello, Making friends is really hard. By this, I mean making friends who you share a deep connection with and who can help you feel accepted and not alone. I don't know what we call them when we become adults, but as kids we called them best friends.... View more

Hello, Making friends is really hard. By this, I mean making friends who you share a deep connection with and who can help you feel accepted and not alone. I don't know what we call them when we become adults, but as kids we called them best friends. My parents moved here when they were in their early 20's and had nobody in Australia except each other. They really struggled to make friends in a world that they did not understand and which did not understand them, literally because their English was bad, and also just because they were culturally different. So when everybody already has their group of friends, and those that remain are people we did not grow up with, how can we develop a bond that brings us closer in a significant way? It is easy enough to say join a group from your own culture, but what if you left your home to find something new, or if there are few people from your own culture to begin with? Even for those of us born here, it's scary enough trying to be open with people from our own culture. IWhat about trying to be open and exposed with someone from another culture? Does anyone have any stories or suggestions they would like to share? James

How do I leave my husband

replies: 4

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. But I have never seen any compassion from this man towards me. He treats me as if he had no choice because his parents got us married and he never disagrees with his parents. We havenot had sex in 2 yea... View more

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. But I have never seen any compassion from this man towards me. He treats me as if he had no choice because his parents got us married and he never disagrees with his parents. We havenot had sex in 2 years now. When I ask him sometimes, he says he is too tired. So i stopped askin him. Since, he had some problems with his sperm production, I was pressured into having through an IVF procedure. I had twins this year and I love my boys with all my heart. I knew he was a cold hearted person but this year when I was pregnant and when i was in labour, I realised he would never change. You could see nothing in his eyes. No affection, no compassion. I could see the hostility towards me because I didnt carry my bag after labour when I was shifting from delivery room to my room and he had to carry that. I was on a wheel chair for gods sake. He is very hostile towards my mom who came from india to help me here. He tried to start a fight between my mom and me. I decided that I should leave him. I have a bit of savings left from my job where i worked until 10 days before my babies were born. My salary was less than half of what he is earning. But he wants it spent. He asks me for that money in every goddam thing we buy. Honestly, I had to buy myself eveything I craved when i was pregnant and for him too. I resent him and i wanted to leave him. But i dont know how i am gonna make ends meet with two babies and my mom. My dad supports him because he cares more about what others would think if i left my husband. He asks me to adjust. I dont think I can. I want to leave but the only concern is that I am financially dependent. I sometimes wish i had a better job. Now as my babies are not old enough, i cant even go to work. That too its two babies. I sometimes want to die so much that i contemplated harming myself. But i love my babies. I cant leave them. I want to die but i cant kill myself. I dont know what to do. No support from my family. My mom supports but there is a concern with finances. My dad, he would not want me to leave my husband. I am lost. I think death is he only option. I dont think i am courageous enough to leave.

4 years here but barely no friend

replies: 4

Hi all, I'm new to the forum and sorry for my bad English in advance! I'm an international student from China, currently in first year uni. I've been here studying since year 10, there's only one aunty here who's part of my family that could support ... View more

Hi all, I'm new to the forum and sorry for my bad English in advance! I'm an international student from China, currently in first year uni. I've been here studying since year 10, there's only one aunty here who's part of my family that could support me. I'm not the one who's good at talking to people and making friends, studying here in a foreign land makes this much harder for me. Even though in high school there is a group of international students similar to me, but I never feel being part of them, they always have something to talk among themselves which I'm not really interested. The students born here have already divided into groups, it's impossible for me to join them and not to mention some of the Australian don't want to make friends with Asian I made a friend in my high school, but she kind of betrayed me and became best friend with another girl. For most of year 11 and 12 I was alone, did all the things alone. Then I moved into uni, which is even harder to make any friends. I always go to classes alone, I don't know how to start conversations with people and even though I talked to some people last semester, but after the end of semester they just no longer contact me. Sometimes I'm ok with having no friend but most of the time, when I was sitting alone having lunch or study by myself while struggling, I feel depressed and hopeless. I was just preparing for an upcoming oral presentation but I suddenly realised I didn't talk to anyone in the class, this fact makes me very sad and also embarassed about myself, that's part of the reason I suddenly went on this forum. Additionally, I didn't talk to my family about this since they kind of reckon that such depression/anxiety won't happen to me since I'm still at a very young age, I don't have the courage to mention all of these to them, everytime I video called my parents I just tell them I'm fine with everything. The only place where I could discuss this kind of issue is online and possibly counselling at uni but uni study commitment makes me even more stressful, I don't even have time for counselling. Wish people could see this post and give me some advice Thank you so much.

New to Aus and forum, scared, lonely and nervous

replies: 3

Been reading posts to see that there are many people out there, just like me, battling along, which makes this initial post much easier for me to write. Some background on me and my family, left my home country to spend 12 yrs in the middle east and ... View more

Been reading posts to see that there are many people out there, just like me, battling along, which makes this initial post much easier for me to write. Some background on me and my family, left my home country to spend 12 yrs in the middle east and have now moved to Aus to start a new life for our family. Currently it is just myself and two teenage sons, hubby will follow later. I have always been considered a very strong person and able to cope with a lot, not sure if over the years this has worn me down, but I have lost the person I used to be, organised, confident, sassy, fun and become a very nervous, panicky, scared, indecisive, tearful, doubting, worrying, even angry person. Most who know me still see me as a very strong capable person and very often turn to me for advice and help, but I don't feel like that person anymore (even though I will help others as this is something I love doing,) I seem not able to help myself at times. The panic attacks I get when I think I might have made a mistake or done something wrong is over whelming at times, and I just get jittery and tearful about the smallest of things and feel like it is a unsurmountable hurdle to get over. Especially being in a foreign country, not always knowing the lay of the land, is really working on me. The fear of doing something wrong, or making a mistake is really scary for me. I think the hardest is having no friends here to speak to and spend time, because that has always been my best outlet for me. I am very open about my emotions and will always talk when I have someone to talk to. The move over here without hubby has been especially hard for me, as we do support each other tremendously and are extremely close to each other. Hubby has always battled with depression. It was hard for me as I was always a very practical "get on with it" person, but getting to understand mental health through my hubby and other friends, seems to have highlighted my own insecurities. We are an extremely blessed family, with a close relationships (except the two teenagers who of course "hate each other"), health, means, lots of love and support and I need to focus on this and yet I worry about "what might go wrong" "what bad things might happen". So when I found this forum it seemed like the perfect place to find people who would understand and sometimes be going through similar to talk with and support each other.

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

replies: 28

Hi all, I thought it would be a good idea for us to have a thread where we share special and discuss celebrations from different culture(s). It would be great to learn from (and celebrate with) one another. People from all cultural backgrounds are we... View more

Hi all, I thought it would be a good idea for us to have a thread where we share special and discuss celebrations from different culture(s). It would be great to learn from (and celebrate with) one another. People from all cultural backgrounds are welcome So anything from Christmas to Hannukah to Children’s Day in Japan to many others of course I would like to start by saying: Today is the lunar new year It’s the year of the Dog. Happy lunar new year to all who our Chinese, Chinese-Australian or Australian (and anyone else too) who celebrates this important day. Wishing everyone health, love and kindness. Pepper xoxo

Father’s Day.

replies: 8

Today in this country we celebrate Father’s Day. A special day when we honor our dads and for those who have them around perhaps spend time together, share a meal, buy a gift or send a card, a text maybe a call. In my birth country Father’s Day is in... View more

Today in this country we celebrate Father’s Day. A special day when we honor our dads and for those who have them around perhaps spend time together, share a meal, buy a gift or send a card, a text maybe a call. In my birth country Father’s Day is in June. I remember growing up making drawings for Dad or cards at school and later in my adolescence looking for the best after shave or other gift to get him. I always felt my efforts went unnoticed as I can’t remember doing even five things with my absent father. In Australia, millions of children grow up without a father. As a teacher I was encouraging students in my class to prepare something for a significant person in their lives, in the absent of a father. Nowdays I personally don’t bother at all anymore as my parents don’t live in Australia and we hardly have any communication. My daughter though is always excited to take me out for brunch or spend time with me on the day. It’s kinda cute. It really means more to her than it means to me. Reminds me how I felt as a kid, eager to get the approval my father never cared to give me. Today I’d like to wish everyone a good day. Especially the multitudes of people who have lost their fathers or don’t talk to them anymore. I know days like these can be extra hard with all the hype and expectations. If you are one of those people who either never met your dad or your experience has been a violent or abusive one, please he kind to yourself today. We know that there is a lot of abuse and violence in families and children grow up in terrible environments. This doesn’t happen only in English-speaking communities but across the cultures. Our parents and close relatives are mostly the perpetrators of family violence according to all evidence-based research and in some communities it’s harder to talk about it. Culture, lack of English skills, not knowing where to get help and how to navigate the complex system, makes it almost impossible for many people to receive supports. It took me decades after arriving in this country to reach out and seek help and deal with my abandonment issues and childhood abuse and neglect. If you feel there’s nothing to celebrate today, if you’re down, lonely, sad or bitter and angry - you are aloud. Your experience is real and matters. Please do the best you can to be with supports you have and/or don’t hesitate to call/chat with one of the Beyondblue Counsellors in total anonymity and confidentiality. My thoughts are with all of you.

Do you get the winter blues? Is the change of season affecting you?

replies: 7

As the weather is changing and we welcome another winter; as the yellow leaves cover the pavements and streets, I can’t but feel a sweet melancholy. Not sure what it is exactly about autumn and winter but I tend to become more mellow and sad. I look ... View more

As the weather is changing and we welcome another winter; as the yellow leaves cover the pavements and streets, I can’t but feel a sweet melancholy. Not sure what it is exactly about autumn and winter but I tend to become more mellow and sad. I look around me at the faces of people and they seem to resemble the yellow leaves. They too, throw their gaze onto the ground. Avoid eye contact. Hide behind headphones, books and dark sunglasses. In trams, in trains, buses, streets and parks. Something is taking place during this change of season. Have you noticed? The moment we turn the clocks back. Something happens. As if everyone’s suddenly gone. The beaches, the resorts, the playgrounds...empty. Darkness. Party is over! Everyone’s gone. And this city for so many people is not our mother to open her arms and hold us all in. So, like Persephone in the Ancient Greek mythology who visits the underworld to see her husband who’s kept there captive and the whole earth mourns with her and is drenched in winter and sadness, we all get reminded that the warmth and carelessness of summer days don’t last forever. As if we too, like the rest of nature fall into hibernation. Less light, shorter days, cold etc all contribute to a sense of feeling blue. Tired. It’s 6pm but feels like midnight. Falling in a sweet sleep so to speak... And what saddens me most, is not the pigeons on top of the commission flats gathered together to combat the cold; It’s not even the homeless washing our windscreens at the lights with every chance begging for some spare coins. I think it’s the cold in the heart of our community; it may be the winter that has settled inside us. Too busy to pay attention. Too tired to care. How’s your experience of winter in Australia? If you, like me, come from the northern hemisphere, everything seems topsy turvy. Do you get the winter blues? Does the weather and the seasons affect you? Is it different here than how it was back home? Do you miss something?

Does Success has to involve Struggle?

replies: 30

Hi All, I often contemplate how usually stories of success involve struggle, to such a degree that it could be easy to assume from the outside that overcoming struggle was the only way. In my cultural background for example, (Greek), Odysseus had to ... View more

Hi All, I often contemplate how usually stories of success involve struggle, to such a degree that it could be easy to assume from the outside that overcoming struggle was the only way. In my cultural background for example, (Greek), Odysseus had to endure decades of severe hardship prior to returning to Ithaca. Ancient Greek mythology as well as modern Greek culture and religion is full of myths, fables, stories, proverbs and colloquial sayings that perpetuate this notion. What's your view on this? What are the notions in your cultural background, faith, tradition but also in your family and what do you personally believe about it? On one hand, is mental illness a result of hardship, trauma and the inability of certain people to deal effectively and rise above these? And, on the other hand, in order to achieve a successful outcome in one's recovery is struggle necessary? How do you respond to that challenge if its presented to you by family, friends etc? What if there was another way? Is there?

Pinned discussions

Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Shame about my heritage

replies: 22

Marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background

replies: 27

It's so hard to make friends

replies: 6

How do I leave my husband

replies: 4

4 years here but barely no friend

replies: 4

New to Aus and forum, scared, lonely and nervous

replies: 3

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

replies: 28

Father’s Day.

replies: 8

Do you get the winter blues? Is the change of season affecting you?

replies: 7

Does Success has to involve Struggle?

replies: 30

Multicultural experiences

Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about replies: 0

Shame about my heritage replies: 22

Marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background replies: 27

It's so hard to make friends replies: 6

How do I leave my husband replies: 4

4 years here but barely no friend replies: 4

New to Aus and forum, scared, lonely and nervous replies: 3

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here replies: 28

Father’s Day. replies: 8

Do you get the winter blues? Is the change of season affecting you? replies: 7

Does Success has to involve Struggle? replies: 30

Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about

replies: 0

Shame about my heritage

replies: 22

Marrying someone from a different cultural and religious background

replies: 27

It's so hard to make friends

replies: 6

How do I leave my husband

replies: 4

4 years here but barely no friend

replies: 4

New to Aus and forum, scared, lonely and nervous

replies: 3

Share special days/celebrations from different culture here

replies: 28

Father’s Day.

replies: 8

Do you get the winter blues? Is the change of season affecting you?

replies: 7

Does Success has to involve Struggle?

replies: 30