New to Aus and forum, scared, lonely and nervous

[Tracer]

Been reading posts to see that there are many people out there, just like me, battling along, which makes this initial post much easier for me to write.

Some background on me and my family, left my home country to spend 12 yrs in the middle east and have now moved to Aus to start a new life for our family. Currently it is just myself and two teenage sons, hubby will follow later. I have always been considered a very strong person and able to cope with a lot, not sure if over the years this has worn me down, but I have lost the person I used to be, organised, confident, sassy, fun and become a very nervous, panicky, scared, indecisive, tearful, doubting, worrying, even angry person. Most who know me still see me as a very strong capable person and very often turn to me for advice and help, but I don't feel like that person anymore (even though I will help others as this is something I love doing,) I seem not able to help myself at times.

The panic attacks I get when I think I might have made a mistake or done something wrong is over whelming at times, and I just get jittery and tearful about the smallest of things and feel like it is a unsurmountable hurdle to get over. Especially being in a foreign country, not always knowing the lay of the land, is really working on me. The fear of doing something wrong, or making a mistake is really scary for me.
I think the hardest is having no friends here to speak to and spend time, because that has always been my best outlet for me. I am very open about my emotions and will always talk when I have someone to talk to.

The move over here without hubby has been especially hard for me, as we do support each other tremendously and are extremely close to each other.
Hubby has always battled with depression. It was hard for me as I was always a very practical "get on with it" person, but getting to understand mental health through my hubby and other friends, seems to have highlighted my own insecurities.
We are an extremely blessed family, with a close relationships (except the two teenagers who of course "hate each other"), health, means, lots of love and support and I need to focus on this and yet I worry about "what might go wrong" "what bad things might happen".
So when I found this forum it seemed like the perfect place to find people who would understand and sometimes be going through similar to talk with and support each other.

[Hayfa]

Hello Tracer
Welcome to the forum and well done for navigating your way here, it is really nice to hear from you.
First of all, I want to say that you are not alone in the situation and emotions that you are feeling right now. I think it is perfectly understandable that you would be feeling this way right now given that you are trying to find your feet in a new place.

Perhaps you might consider a visit to the GP who might give you something to help with the current panic attacks?
From reading your post I am guessing that you do not have any friends or family here in Australia? Is finding any social or cultural groups in your area a possibility?
I am sure that when your husband arrives in Australia it will certainly ease for you since you must be feeling the overwhelming responsibility on your shoulders.
Don't doubt your strength, it takes a very strong and capable woman to set up a home in a new country while ensuring your family is safe and happy too. Don't be afraid to make mistakes since you are navigating new waters, I am sure that you are doing just fine but we are always our harshest critics and let doubt creep in.

Like you I am the type of person who loves helping others, I am always told how strong I am but I have my moments of being unsure, feeling anxious and jittery. I think I have been conditioned for so long 'to have it in the bag and get on with it' that I begin to doubt myself when I think I cant. I decided that I can't keep worrying about what if it doesn't work out and just start thinking about doing my best with what I have and know how to do.

Don't overthink it Tracer, do your best. Are your boys at school? If so, getting to know some of the other parents is helpful for making friends.

Keep talking to us here, let us be some of the people to support and talk to you, and let us know how you are travelling.

Hayfa

[Tracer]

Thank you Hayfa for your reply.

I have started taking a natural calming tablet which is helping me. You are correct in that I have no family here, but have 2 good friends who I knew from the ME. The one is just a few minutes away and we have been doing some stuff, but she also has a lot of stuff / issues going on so don't want to be too needy and perhaps push her away. The other is a 45 min drive away, but we do make the effort to get together.

I am feeling a lot better in reaching out, and realising how much I am accomplishing and achieving in what I have done. Daily support and encouragement from hubby is really helping. We are not sure when he will be finally joining us, but will be visiting in December which will be a huge boost for us all.
My boys have also been amazing and caring towards me when they see I am battling or down. They are due to start school next week which will also give us all a much needed break from each other after 3 months in each others pockets. Hoping this will also help in them meeting some friends and getting some interests going. It will also help me because their behaviour with each other can sometimes drag me down a lot.

Have taken the time to start looking for my interests as well, so that I can get out, clear my head, meet some people and get busy.

Thanks again, and will update how things are going. xx

[Croix]

Dear Tracer~

I'd like to join Hayfa in welcoming you here to the Forum. Having read your story I'm amazed at your courage and abilities. Your second major move, hubby not around, plus a family to care for and guide. All on your own.

Under those circumstances worrying about mistakes, or even what could go wrong anyway is more than natural. I have moved throughout Australia, went to 8 different schools mainly in the UK and know the feeling that all roots have vanished. So I can understand just a little of your life.

Hayfa has given some pretty good advice, see you GP to find if you need medical support, reach out to others, a cultural group, or other parents. If possible reach out using the best technology possible to your hubby and family (Skype perhaps) on a regular and frequent basis, so they become part of your daily life. Seeing familiar loved faces can be a balm.

When I was at my worst I thought I'd changed, been made smaller, less capable, less everything. It was not so, I found as I improved that the old me, with ability, humor and confidence came back to the surface.

You are still the same person you always were and it will be a comfort when those traits start to reappear.

In the meantime I'll repeat, you are welcome here.

Croix