I grew up in a culture of silence. 'Whatever happens in the home stays in the home' was the motto.
When feeling distressing emotions, I was meant to make a conscious effort to let the pain subdue. I was taught that replaying painful memories, talking about my pain with others, or exposing myself to situations that keep the memories active only functions to keep me in distress. At home, at church, at school, in the neighborhood, everyone reinforced this message. My father used to tell me to 'dip my tongue inside my brain before I speak'.
So, does the expression of an emotion act as a reinforcer of the emotion? Does it cause it to be more likely to be felt again in the future?
What's your experience? Is it better to talk about it? Or is it better to distract yourself with something else? Or a bit of both?
For example, if you are feeling depressed, and you talk about your depression with a friend, expressing all of your self-doubts, hopelessness, and sadness, are you more likely to continue to feel depressed? Is it better if your friend stops you from ruminating about your depression and convinces you to go to the movies with him instead? Are you more likely to feel even a little better afterward? Or would it help more if you talk about for a bit but then go to the movies afterwards and distract yourself?
What is the predominant cultural belief around this topic in your community or country of origin?
Does acting on the expressive emotions by talking at length about them strengthen those feelings, or lessens them? Is distracting ourselves preventing us from acting on the depressive emotions? And by doing so, are they more likely to fade away?
Obviously, complicated and enduring mental illnesses like depression or chronic anxiety and panic, are far more difficult to relieve than by just going to a movie. What I'm asking here is: does the more you act on an emotion, the more of that emotion you are likely to feel in the future?
When we feel a strong emotion, we naturally want to express it. But, is the continued expression of an emotion making it stronger? And if that emotion is painful, does the act of sharing it increase the experience of our pain?
How can we help our minds loosen the grip on past distress?
If your cultural or religious upbringing is similar to mine, you may have great difficulties in expressing and sharing your emotions and pain. However, doing it in this forum, anonymously and in the safety of your own home may help you. 🙂
