'Do I look big in these?' - Body image, cultural conditioning, peer-pressure and mental and emotional well being.

[Donte]

Everywhere I look today there is a gym, an exercise class, a dance/fitness session; people running, power walking, playing sport, dieting etc. Countless hours at the gym are invested in achieving the perfect body. Fat is considered a medical disability and the body image issues in our society are wildly out of control.

We have objectified the human physique to the point that many feel that they aren't worthy of a relationship unless they have at least tried to improve their bodies. Sex is mostly portrayed as something of a beauty pageant and less an intimate connection of lovemaking and fellowship. In short, it's all about the body.

In the midst of our obesity epidemic (what a paradox), many see their bodies through the lens of future attainments. By this I mean that they try to tolerate their current body because they hold the belief that in a few months or years, it will be much improved. I have a brother who is at the gym daily. I have an ex wife who is on a permanent dieting regime. I am surrounded by coworkers, neighbors and friends who never actually accept their body as it is in the present moment..."I need to lose this layer of fat so my abs will show", or "When summer comes, I will be in top shape for the beach."

No matter what the body type, there's always some other image to aspire to.

Accepting your body in the present moment isn't about not having fitness goals. It's about loving who you are and how you look right now, no matter what changes you might make in the future. It's about knowing that making changes in your body is a worthwhile hobby, but it isn't going to make you more desirable or loveable.

I grew up in a country where naked statues and paintings of hot, chiseled bodies were everywhere. Nudity and perfection has been depicted in our art and praised in our literature for thousands of years.

Today, it seems, not much has changed!

Sure, a really hot body will get you noticed and probably even a date or two. But at the end of the day, it isn't part of the equation of an emotionally satisfying relationship. Look around and notice that people with amazing bodies don't have more successful relationships.

There is a problem that plagues our culture: a persistent inability to accept our bodies and the ageing process. This could be a reflection of our internal shame. We are trying to make ourselves more acceptable and less flawed, less shameful.

Body acceptance is an important part of developing authenticity and enjoying intimacy.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’,

As promised, I’m back 🙂

From an evolutionary perspective, I think human attraction to certain physical attributes stems from a desire to find a healthy and fertile mate as s/he would be likely to produce the healthiest possible children. As physical features can serve as an indicator of health and fertility, I suppose we are biologically programmed to be attracted to certain features/physical traits.

But, as always, there are exceptions...

Beauty norms might reflect what the majority of people find attractive but there are always exceptions, and the reason vary...

For example, maybe some people aren’t initially physically attracted to another person. But then they got to know that person and really grew to like his/her personality.

If that person likes this other person’s inner qualities, s/he can suddenly find him/her much more physically attractive than at first glance. I feel appreciation of inner qualities can cast a whole new light on how physically attractive we find someone....

Also, I think maybe there’s an unwritten social “rule” (for lack of a better word) that people tend to end up with partners who are at about the same level of attractiveness. So, good looking people tend to end up with other good looking people, for example. There have been studies done on this so you might like to look it up.

Thanks Donte’

Pepper xoxo

[Donte]

Thanks Pepper,

That makes sense. Not everything is primal and based on evolutionary intelligence. As you said there are always exceptions...

I often see amazing-looking people who seem to have everything going for them with really ugly partners or much older or fatter etc and wonder why have they chosen to be with such a person! Especially if the partner is also horrible to them and possesses an ugly personality. it may come down to low self-esteem or finances/security or some mental illness...

Nobody would ever know as each case is different.

One thing I see more often is beautiful-looking young women with ugly, old, obese husbands. Seems to be more socially acceptable for older males to partner-up with much younger women than the reverse. Unless you are a famous woman then it seems ok to date a male your son's age...

Each to their own of course...

The last few years I am not attracted to any humans it seems. It could be my depression or anxiety; who knows? The reality is there's no more libido or interest in sex and prefer to spend my days with dogs, plants and waves instead...(Nothing wrong with that of course. My mating season is well over hahhaaa)

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

Yes, I agree while biology plays a role, it isn’t definitive. There are always exceptions especially as we, as humans, continue to evolve...

Just as a loose aside, as I know you enjoy challenging yourself and expanding your knowledge base, you might be interested in something called the “naturalistic fallacy.” I’m grossly oversimplifying but essentially it’s the common human assumption (error perhaps?) that just because something is “natural” (e.g. we are biologically primed for something), we often automatically assume it’s also “ethical.” But the reality is just because something is “natural” does not make it necessarily “right.” Interesting, Yes?

Anyway, I agree that there is a myriad of factors/reasons on a case-by-case basis for why 2 people end up together.

But there you have it, you wondering how (conventionally) attractive people end up with (conventionally) unattractive partners demonstrates that implied social “rule” about how many of us expect people of similar levels of attractiveness to end up together 😉

About your current levels of physical attraction to others, I think as long as you’re comfortable with not being attracted to anyone else then i think that’s perfectly okay 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[Donte]

Thanks Pepper,

Very intriguing idea.

I was having a discussion earlier with someone about the fact that 'natural' doesn't mean good for you. Certain things are natural but can still harm you or kill you. Often advertising promotes 'natural' as 'good for you'.

In terms of 'ethical', I'm not sure what to think as ethics are man-made and subjective. I'd like to look into this theory and learn more. X

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and all,

I suppose it was well timed that I mentioned the concept of the “naturalistic fallacy” to you then 😉

Lol. Fair point and I agree but I suppose that’s why I put ethical in quotation marks.

I hope you get something out of researching naturalistic fallacy 🙂

Pepper xoxo