Difficulty in distinguishing between casual racism and a neutral comment

[Rob13579]

My father became an Australian citizen in his 20s during his studies; so I was an Australian citizen by descent when I was born. However, I was born and raised overseas until I was 13 years old and then I moved to Australia. I can speak English clearly most of the time when I am not tired or nervous, but I still have a foreign accent (as described by some people I have encountered over the past 9 years in Australia).

Over the past 9 years, I have noticed that if I do not speak much, some people naturally assume that I do not speak or understand English well. I was in a seminar and there was a Mandarin translation service. After the seminar, an acquaintance at the time asked me whether the headphones worked properly. At the moment, I wondered whether it was because I looked Chinese to him (whom I had barely spoken with a week before the seminar) and that means I do not understand English? By the way, Chinese is a nationality and there are 56 ethnic groups in China.

I gave 2 talks which were great according to the audience; however, both times after the talk, an acquaintance I have known for ~3 years said perfect or great English as a compliment. I said to myself, so an East Asian looking person or someone with a foreign accent does not generally speak English well? which is a speculation of mine. One time someone on the street thought I looked "Vietnamese" and said "hello" to me in Vietnamese as he explained. Another person I met for the first time at a train station was impressed by my English after he found out that I was born and raised overseas. Even friends (not close) asked me how could I speak good English because "many" "Chinese" people they know do not speak English as good as I do, or they said something similar to that.

There are more experiences similar to the above examples. They all asked me "where are you from (originally)?" at some point. I sometimes struggle to answer that question because I do not know what they actually mean by "originally". I have been an Australian citizen since I was born in East Asia, so I am actually from Australia and East Asia? Or should I answer where I was born?

I believe people who asked those questions or made those comments did not mean to offend anyone. They simply have not had many multicultural interactions in their lives due to all sort of reasons, or they are trying to be nice by making a compliment.
However, I could not help but feel self-conscious because even today I still have similar experiences.

[Donte]

Yesterday I had to do an MRI at the nearby hospital. Upon presenting myself at reception to register my appointment, I was asked my name, date of birth, address etc by the receptionist. When I told her my name she instantly repeated it with some abbreviated version which is what she perceived it was or what she heard or what she could pronounce. I ignored it. I have been in this predicament thousands of times the last thirty years since my arrival to Australia.


People of all backgrounds and genders and age groups either abbreviate or change my name. The first years I was really upset about it. I couldn’t decipher if they’re putting me down, highlighting that I’m different, differentiate between ‘normal/common’ names and mine, making fun of me, or just blatantly refuse to acknowledge me and wanting to change my name to fit their own little understanding of the world.


For years I felt angry, suppressed, depressed, reminded that I’m an outsider and will never be accepted fully and on a few occasions I thought of changing my name to Anthony or something. (I’ve been called Don, Donnie, Donna, Tony, Anton, Anthony, Danny, Daniel etc)


Nowadays I just smile at the inability, or the ignorance or the blatant laziness of certain people. Now it doesn’t hurt me no more. I’ve come to understand that some people are so insular and haven’t even left Australia for an overseas holiday so it’s not really my problem. I have had so many cultural experiences and travel, education, immersion in cross-cultural situations and intercultural contexts that I’m not really bothered anymore. I also keep in mind that the majority of population in Australia according to the latest census has a writing and reading ability of a grade 5 or 6 student - especially in the over 60 age group.


In all fairness, there may not be any malice intended. It’s just some people will never learn fluently three languages, travel the continents and complete Masters and other post-graduate degrees like I have. I’m not saying this in any arrogance, simply stating facts.


Once we know who we are and what are value is worth, insignificant details like these do not even touch us anymore. But it has taken me years to feel secure and happy in my own self and to not rely on external factors for my happiness. X

[Hayfa]

Hi Donte'

I am sorry for what you experienced here, this story took me back to the days where my father also saw this happen to him and it use to sadden me every time because I witnessed it and I would correct the person. I still endure this when I take my mother to her appointments.
There is no doubt that even if it is not intended it can still offend and hurt. You are right about the statistics of non-high achieving education in that age group but by the same token, I have to say that people of multicultural backgrounds (CALD in particular) had to endure hearing how they must learn the language, speak properly and pronounce names properly now that they are in Australia. This is not easy when you're first language is not English and should it not be fair to ask that the English speaking population to try to pronounce our names properly?

Hayfa

[Quercus]

Hi Donte,

It is easy to say you've somewhat resigned yourself to people messing up your name. But it does hurt.

Your name is part of you. When people can't be bothered to listen it often feels as if they feel you are not worth their time.

However I don't think pronunciation and abbreviation is necessarily casual racism. It is laziness or lack of care or time restraints.

I've had a lot of experience in this area. Both my maiden name and married name are always mispronounced or changed.

My husband uses a different name for retail transactions because he just cannot be bothered explaining again. In many job interviews they say they were expecting a woman. He laughs but I didn't find that funny. All it takes is a quick google search to see all female Polish names end in A. His name does not.

Also... I am guilty of the same misunderstanding myself. I worked for a long time with international visitors. I am in part the person you describe (unworldly, never left Australia, uneducated about other cultures). I know in myself my mistakes have not been racist. If time wasn't a factor I would google how to pronounce names. However in a short interaction face to face or even on the phone that isn't always an option. The phone is my nemesis. My hearing is not the best. So I would make a lot of mistakes. Not because I didn't care or respect the person. Just my own limitations in a customer service role.

On the flip side I do also know how frustrating and rude it is. Both my surnames have been difficult. In person I will give my ID to save time. Over the phone I spell it. I just assume it is difficult for others. I spell my husband's entire name. Usually I have to do it twice on the phone.

Curiously enough... occasionally someone will get offended that I spell my name ("yes I know how to spell that"). Usually though people appreciate it.

Casual racism can go both ways I feel. I expect others not to know how to spell or pronounce my surname. Perhaps they feel belittled when I don't even give them a chance?

It is worth considering I think.

[Hayfa]

Hi Nat

Your reflections are so true.
I think it is important to distinguish that when names are mispronounced or abbreviated it can definitely not be intended or done with malice.
In reference to my post I was just reflecting on times that it happened by people who were genuinely disinterested in knowing and trying hence my comment about people of CALD backgrounds usually expected to learn to speak English.

In fairness to those who do try and pronounce the names, they are interested in knowing and I have been asked to pronounce it or they have tried and asked if it's correct, at times apologising if they were unsure.
I speak only from the perspective of the many times it has happened with the apparent apathy and disinterest.

Hayfa

[Donte]

Hello Quercus,

Thank you for your valuable insight into this post. I can tell from what you are describing that you are well acquainted with this experience.

My experience though is a bit different in that after I have spelled my name or shown my licence, some people still abbreviate it to Don or Donnie or Dan etc. - They have heard me saying it, they have seen it written and they have chosen to call me something else that suits them better.

And as I said in my thread, I find it hilarious nowadays. I’m not responsible for people’s deliberate ignorance or blatant laziness. X

[Donte]

Thank you Hayfa for replying to this post.

Yes I agree with you. Responsibility goes both ways. I have often difficulty pronouncing certain names so I totally empathize. However, I don’t abbreviate or call people something else as an outcome. X

[Donte]

I agree Hayfa.

It’s one thing to not be able to pronouce ‘Hayfa’, it’s another to call you ‘Hellen’ or ‘Ella’ even after you have said your name to me twice andhad spelled it and have shown me your license.

I would also expect that if you hold a professional job it’s your role to learn all that. Or just listen and pay attention and ask if you’re not sure. But it is totally unacceptable to call people other names that are not their own. It’s not rocket science. 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Donte and Hayfa,

Ahh. The joy of Aussie culture. Everything has to be abbreviated. Yep Donte I know that feeling oh too well.

My name is Natalie. As long as I can remember everyone has called me Nat. Even in a job interview or on the first day of a job I am immediately called Nat.

I am so used to noone caring what my formal name is. When my husband met me he asked what my real name was. I gave him a blank look. Huh? He shrugged and repeated... Natasha? Natalia, Natalie, Nathalie?? What is it short for?

I realised noone had ever asked me that before.

Aussie culture at it's most typical... We abbreviate or extend with an 'ie'. And at heart I believe it is a sign of inclusion and friendliness. A way to promote the idea that our culture is relaxed. Formality not required.

That said I do think that there is always a place for courtesy. I don't mind my name being abbreviated. But when I've introduced myself in a formal environment it grates on me to be nicknamed immediately. Especially in an interview. If I'm expected to be professional then it should go both ways.

And Hi Hayfa too,

I found it interesting when you mentioned people being disinterested in even trying. I don't think this is isolated to ethnicity. Some people are just plain old jerks to everybody.

I have introduced myself to a male colleague before and been called the wrong name. When I corrected him he replied.... I don't care I'm here for the paycheck not to play nice.

I think no matter who he replied to he would have been a jerk. The only interest he had was in himself.

Which makes me wonder... What do you say to people? When this happens all the time it gets tedious and irritating. I get sick of spelling my husband's name and then answering questions about it.

I could be upset. Think people are insensitive and need to change. But the reality is the only person I have the power to change is me. So I think sometimes when we get upset it means we need better ways to manage our hurt.

For example questioning why do I care? Sometimes I watch and admire my husband. He can be so arrogant and intimidating. He owns his name. It does not matter squat to him what people think. So if he feels someone is being rude he just says it. Is it essential that you know the origin of my name to sell me this item? It is actually quite funny to watch the variety of responses he gets. And it has taught me not to care. My name is just that. Mine.

[Donte]

Thank you Quercus,

This is truly a great topic of conversation as it indicates to me the impact on individuals of a common trait within a particular cultural context. Especially for people who are new to this context or outsiders.

Yes, as you very well stated: ‘the reality is the only person I have the power to change is me. So I think sometimes when we get upset it means we need better ways to manage our hurt.’

This is spot on!

That’s the reason we are discussing this important topic in this Multicultural experiences forum. This way we can share our experiences and listen and learn from each other. Hopefully, this will help us in building resilience.

Like you, I also often use hunour. And have a bitter/sweet smile surfacing on my face. Some things never change....

[Donte]

Today I had an experience which is by no means unique and happens all the time to me as well as others but somehow it made me think of this particular thread and felt it is worthwhile mentioning it and hearing other people's experiences on this.

I was asked to present to a group of elderly from my own ethnic background and speak to them in our mother tongue (not English) about various aged care-related topics. Upon commencement, and once the introductions were made, someone asked me which part of Greece am I from? (This is very common among the Greek community in Australia. - People instantly want to know where you are from and then immediately preceded to make a judgement according their beliefs: if you are from the north then you are....this and that..., and if you are from an island then you are....this and that..., and if you are from the mainland then....etc etc

Generalisations, racism, phobia, stereotypes, prejudices...all exist within the same ethnic group towards people of the same ethnic background. People pick on your looks, on your accent, on anything they can find. Everyone believes their village is the best and the next village is terrible. It goes back to thousands of years ago when each city was a state and was at war with the next city or village down the road.

This incident today, made me think that this is not something that necessarily only takes place by people who are not of the same background but even by people of the same origin. And it can still hurt the same as it connotes rejection, difference, alienation etc.

This probably happens in every group: religious people often reject others of the same religion who are not as devout, for example. It happens in political parties and workplaces and schools and cultural groups and everywhere groups of people are gathered.