anxious and depressed asylum seekers

[Hayfa]

Hello,

One morning last week I came into work and was informed that my team and I had to work out of another space because the afternoon before, literally a few moments after we left the office to go home, a young asylum seeker had come into the office extremely distressed, upset and emotionally charged because the immigration authorities had ruled that he must go back home.

I was told that the young man was very upset, he was saying that in his home country authorities were always deciding his fate and he had never been given choices. 

This story is very similar to the many situations that have been witnessed in our area of work, there have been people who have been in this same exact situation, desperate and angry.

Oftentimes we don't always understand the full picture, the extreme anxiety, stress and depression of waiting for an outcome on where you can carry on being and living your life, everything is put on hold and your fate has to be decided for you.

This made me realise how much the human spirit really can endure before the heart and mind declares that it has had enough.
I know that everyone suffers physically, emotionally and mentally in differing degrees based on the situation and the individual's capacity to withstand levels of mental suffering and the bodies ability to physically endure illness. This reminded me of the saying ' there is always someone less fortunate than ourselves'.

Has anyone had a difficult migration experience or know someone that has? What was the story and how did you or anyone you know cope? What was the outcome?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Hayfa,

Thank you so much for creating this thread 🙂

I feel this is such an important topic. I can’t even begin to truly imagine how harrowing things must have been (still be?) for the young man you mentioned. The sad thing is there are many others like him too...

For people like me, I feel we have the relative privilege of being able to decide our own fate to an extent. We have our rights protected and I feel some of us (including me) take it for granted at times.

So I can’t even begin to fathom what it must be like to feel your life is completely “out of your hands” (so to speak). To be essentially, more or less, powerless over your own fate is beyond what I can articulate in words...

I have a relative who lives overseas and long story short, he tried to escape an impending oppressive political regime in his birth country. He was caught by authorities and returned to his home country where he was imprisoned for trying to escape and now has a criminal record.

I feel sometimes it’s relatively easy to judge (and even condemn) others for similar actions to my relative. But, and here’s the proverbial “but”, I feel until a person has walked a mile in their shoes, you can’t fully appreciate what it is like to live in a country where you’re fearing for your life, your basic rights are denied, etc and a traumatised, desperate human can sometimes resort to desperate measures.

I feel, rather than judgement, what is needed is compassion. I don’t wish to start a debate so I’ll leave it there. My closing words is try to “walk a mile in their shoes” or as much as you can...

Caring thoughts,

Pepper xo

[Donte]

Hi Hayfa,

What a terrible predicament for one to be in.

Unfathomable to have to run away from your country, often through the most horrific circumstances and to be seeking asylum without knowing what your future holds.

I don't have the faintest idea of how something like this would feel.

I am one of the lucky ones who left my country while pretty affluent and came to Australia via my father's sponsorship and under a working visa. We flew in with Qantas, were given a beautiful house, work, car, etc and settled beautifully from day one; and in a few years became citizens and enjoying this beautiful land eversince.

I often think of those who are not as fortunate. X

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Donte’ and Hayfa,

It was heartening to read your compassionate reply to Hayfa.

When I think of my relative, it still leaves me with a few pangs in my chest and I get a little emotional. So I personally find it very encouraging when I see people show compassion towards asylum seekers.

I’m glad your arrival in Australia was a beautiful experience 🙂

Thanks for sharing.

Pepper xo

[White_Rose]

Hello Hayfa

Thanks for sharing this story. It is so sad that anyone is enmeshed in that kind of scenario. Hardly surprising they want to draw attention to their suffering with violent means and threats of self harm.

I noticed there comments about others being in a worse situation and I am deeply sorry for them. What makes me uncomfortable is that we use the 'worse off' comment as though it can comfort the sufferer, that the person is being told in some way to be grateful for what they have. I am quite certain this is never the intention. We have the custom of building a hierarchy of suffering and pain probably to minimise the the pain of the person talking to us.

And we often use it for ourselves. We say that this and that has happened but we should not complain because others are worse off. We should and must complain because this is the way to be heard. Is someone who has lost two members of their family better off than someone who has lost three members? Does it matter what the relationship?

Admitting we are in a vulnerable situation, that we have been abused in any way can also cause us to feel ashamed. So when someone says others are worse off I think it reinforces the shame. We are ashamed because it seems we have allowed this to happen despite also knowing we have not 'allowed' this to be.

I am ashamed to know that anyone lives in such a fear ridden home. I am ashamed that I can do little, or maybe I can. We need to work through our politicians to bring change here to let asylum seekers live without fear.

OK I will get off my soapbox.

Mary

[Donte]

Hello WhiteRose,

What an amazing post! It reflects down to an 'iota' my sentiments precisely. The intentions may often be good but it doesn't mean they are not still harmful or damaging. Harm happens intentionally or unintentionally.

I've always felt uncomfortable with the commonly-stated 'worse-off' scenarios for the same reasons you have explained so well in your post.

I remember once talking to a friend about some terrible situation I was in and said 'I guess, if I lived in a Thirld World country that wouldn't worry me as everyone else is in the same predicament, and if they looked at me from their prism, I'd seem actually much better off than most.'

And my friend replied: 'You can't think like this. You are not in a third world country and you are not amongst people who would perceive you and your predicament with the eyes of someone from an impoverished country. You are here, in Australia, and you are suffering and you have to see yourself within your particular context and situation which is indeed terrible.'

Hearing this was very liberating at the time for it provided me with the validation of how terrible my situation truly was and also made me realise that I shouldn't minimise how horrific the impact of my circumstances was. It also gave me the permission to not only feel the weight of this issue but express it shamelessly and that in itself was cathartic and assisted me towards the journey to my recovery.

Everyone's pain is the worse they have right now - for them - and needs no comparison to another's. we are our only benchmarks and we are enough. X

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Hayfa and all,

It was interesting to read the various perspectives offered on this thread. As always, learning from others is a good experience.

I hear what Donte’ and Mary is saying and feel they have some valid points 🙂

My own take on it is I feel the 2 are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I personally think it’s possible to feel my own struggles and pain is valid in its own right but also acknowledge that I, for example, might be better off than others.

I feel acknowledging that others might be worse off than me doesn’t diminish the validity of my own pain; it just adds another perspective/dimension. So I can do both 🙂 Granted, this is just my perspective so I understand others may feel differently to me.

Anyway, I really hope this thread grows. I would be highly interested to hear about others’ migration experiences, experience with asylum seekers, etc 🙂

Anyway, this was just a quick visit so I’m logging out now.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[Hayfa]

Hello Pepper and everyone else,

What interesting and thought provoking responses, thank you to all for sharing.
I agree with you Pepper, the two are not mutually exclusive.
I think when we use this term we are not ranking, comparing or (in)validating but rather, seeing the situation in that context and being able to consider whether we are affected by the same or not.
To be exact, in my ethnic language the analogy for this, loosely translated means something like 'to see another's problem makes me see hope in mine'.

Going back to migration experiences, I was two years old when I migrated with my parents and younger sister. Life was hard in 1970, there were no support services to the degree that we see now, I was enrolled in primary school at the age of almost 4 so that my parents could become factory labourers. At the age of six, for about three to four hours a day I had to look after my younger sister while my dad did night shift and my mum tried to make her way back home after work.
When my parents saved enough money they bought their first family business, a takeaway food and grocery shop and my sister and I were working in family businesses before high school.

I remember many stories told by my parents of their struggles such as language barriers, difficulty navigating systems and enduring much racism. My early school years were during an era where there was tremendous bullying and racism, sadly there was no emphasis on policies to stop this and there was certainly no beyondblue or anything remotely similar to help address the mental health issues that could arise from being bullied.

I also didn't realise until much later how much bullying my parents endured from disgruntled customers to impatient service providers, it seemed that they were greeted with more rudeness than smiles. Regardless, my parents never had a bad word to say about Australia, they were grateful for being given the chance to be here and do something worthwhile with their lives and even until my father's dying days he always said " be grateful for what Australia allowed you and never throw rocks in it's water spring that quenched your thirst".

Hayfa

[White_Rose]

Hello Hayfa et al

I like, in my ethnic language the analogy for this, loosely translated means something like 'to see another's problem makes me see hope in mine'. I would also hope that my point of view includes this. This is what BB does and does so well. We have heaps of stories than show much suffering and invariably someone will write in to thank the author and say how much it has helped in their journey.

We always need stories of hope and we must always help anyone in a tough place regardless of our relative hurts. I am sorry if I led you to believe I think anything different. My point about being worse or better off is it so often given as a reason for not helping ourselves or not asking for help.

We are all deserving of help and care otherwise where is our humanity. I really wanted to show at least one of the obstacles we put in our own path. And you know how often we do this for all sorts of reasons. Just because someone is doing it tougher than ourselves is no reason to stop trying or asking. I think over time it can easily be a reason for not asking, or more possibly a reason for not wanting to ask. And that is very much our culture.

Pepper said, I feel acknowledging that others might be worse off than me doesn’t diminish the validity of my own pain; it just adds another perspective/dimension. This is also my belief.

Mary

[Donte]

Hi White Rose,

Nicely said. It’s good to acknowledge the benefit of our sharing the stories and how the trauma lessens everytime we verbalize our experience.

This is why this forum and other peer support programs and groups are so helpful. There’s power in story-telling and sharing our stories may not take away the pain but at least we know we are not alone and we are in an environment where we can openly share without the fear of judgement. This permission we give to ourselves to allow to explore our feelings and express our views is pivotal in recovery process. X