Wishing for a friend to talk to

[dragonflies]

Hi,

I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world.

Does anyone feel like this too?

dragonflies

[dragonflies]

You must be very responsible and mature. I can imagine it would get rough.

I wish I could be there to help you haha. Although I can be here to talk and listen.

Have you finished school/want to study more?

Do you ever try to go out and socialise or been in a relationship with girl/boy? I haven't much recently. I have been hyping myself up for probably nearly two months now to go to this kick boxing class. I don't know why I'm so nervous... I guess it's just being around people. I just want to feel like myself. Ahh

[startingnew]

Thats ok haha we can chat here.

Yes i finished my hsc 4 yrs ago (im 20 now) now and have been studying medical type courses. As thats a field im interested in.

Ifind it very hard to socialise due my bullied past and again this yr i made new friends but have all turned on me now.

i havent really dated no and im still working out my sexuality. I have a bad past with trauma (rape) so im not crash hot on dating but am comfortable with daring with both men and women (im a female)

What about you? Do you get out and socialie? Dated/ing?

Boxing is fun! Hard work but its fun.i use to do it through school as a sport and loved going though im sure i couldn't move after half the sessions lol

[Doolhof]

Hi Dragonflies,

I'm sure most of us have days when we feel quite happy with our own company, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Growing up, I spent a lot of time by myself exploring our region by walking or riding a bike. We grew up in a small town with very few kids anyway, so making fun for yourself was the way to go most of the time.

Regarding thinking you have to be happy all of the time, that is over rated! Ha. Ha. Just be yourself and enjoy the company of the other girls. Not everyone is bright and bubbly all of the time. Sometimes putting to much pressure on yourself can make you feel worse.

I'm learning to deal with that myself at present, looking at more self-acceptance.

Bakeries, mmmmm, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. Do you have a favourite cake? I enjoy Hedgehog slices or caramel slices.

I agree with you, walking can be meditative. I feel even more so at the beach.

Hope you have an okay kind of day. Cheers from Dools

[dragonflies]

Hi Dools,

Its reassuring to know not everyone is bright and bubbly. I just don't want to bring people down. My family would tell me I was horrible to be around because I just seemed so sad and negative. So I just retreated to being on my own.

When I used to hang out with friends, sometimes someone would ask me 'are you okay?' and I would sit up and go 'Yeah of course??' (I thought I was!) and they'd say something like 'oh, you just looked sad'. This happened a couple of times. Since then I figured I must have some negative energy always surrounding me. I don't know.

Even though I haven't met any new people in the past few years, I don't even feel as though there is someone out there who would even get along with me, think like me or have the same values as me. Someone that I could be friends with in person and hang out with.

I'm obsessed with chocolate croissants...

Hope you have an okay kind of day too.

dragonflies

[dragonflies]

Hey SN,

Medical courses! I have been interested in the same sort of field. In fact at one point I was going to do medicine. I ended up completely changing units to commerce.... so boring I know. Feel like I'll be dropping out of that. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do let alone how to try figure it out as well. I feel very stuck there.

I'm sorry to hear that they have turned on you. That has happened to me along with the bullying and it is one of the most hurtful feelings ever. Makes me feel sick on the inside. I think the positive out of it was that you were able to make some mates? Thats good... I guess they were definitely not the right ones hey. Good on you for trying.

I am not dating anyone atm, I always ruin it before anything can happen. I have only dated boys. I wouldn't have ever dared to say I could be open to both girls and boys infront of my old friends they would probably have disowned me. (even though they ended up doing so anyway ...). My boyfriend (first love I suppose) broke up with me out of the blue, found out he was seeing someone else (round the corner from me...) and yeah ever since then I have just not been able to trust or want to open up to anyone after experiencing that.

I am still curious to see how open I am to being with a girl. I mean I consider it. But it almost just seems like a fantasy or something, because I don't know anyone who is lesbian or bi. I am curious though. I went to a preppy private school where girls are so judgemental and everyone tries to conform. I hated it. I just wish people would accept anyone for who they are and not tease anyone or judge anyone. So I'd be nervous if people knew I was curious about both sexes ... I don't know. Otherwise nah I don't really socialise. I find it so hard to go out even on the odd occasion I am invited to. I just get so nervous now. I used to be so confident and a bit of a leader, never felt left out or different and I felt wanted there. Now I don't feel these at all.

I am sorry to hear about your trauma. I don't really know what to say. I've never spoken to anyone who has experienced that. Are you able to talk about it now? I hope you are moving forward. No one deserves to go through that whatsoever. I hope you are okay. I do know there are kind and gentle people out there. Its just tough finding them thats all (and maybe holding onto them too.. I'm yet to find out haha)

Yeah to be honest I just want to hit something! It'd feel so good.

dragonflies

[dragonflies]

Hey SN,

How are you? How are things going?

Hope things are going well for you.

dragonflies

[startingnew]

Oh my goodness im sorry i missed this!!

You'll work out what you want to be as you go along. Slowly things will rule themselves out or your find a passion for something and really throw yourself into it and youll know 🙂

Friends come and go but the real ones hang around so these ones arent real so im sure othera will come along as life goes on.

My feelings were reignited for a woman. Pity shes married but at least im not an emotionless monster.

I am moving forward and with time ptsd will become easier. Yes i can yalk to about it to a extent but only on here. No one really know about it offline only my gp so they could perform physicals.

Ijust celebrated ny 21st and that was good. Im in a hotel now just watching a movie.

How have you been?

[dragonflies]

Hey SN,

Thats okay, not to worry. Thanks for responding now.

I agree, everyone says that you can't know what your passion is at such a young age. My problem is that I don't go out to try anything or experience anything to get to figure it all out.

Friends are hard 😞

I'm glad to hear that. Moving forward is the best way to go...

I understand that. I can only talk about my feelings and problems openly on these forums. I suppose its the anonymity and also the support from others and knowing there are others out there who can relate to you.

Happy 21st! I hope you had a great day. What did you do the celebrate?

That sounds good. What movie? Any good?

I have been okay. Had a really bad low the past few days but slowly getting out of it. Have started on last resort medication so I guess that gives me hope? I don't know. I haven't been doing much. There's this boy I have been talking to, saw him a couple of times. I am so scared of opening up to someone. He asked about my arm and scars the other night and I just totally freeze I don't know what to say and I feel so stupid. I am scared that this will scare people away. I can't tell how he is feeling. He is very gentle and kind though I always feel like such a burden when I surround myself around others. I don't know how to change this.

I'm just lying in bed and finished a movie too. Don't really know what to do now haha....

dragonflies

[startingnew]

Yeah thats the same as me, im stuck in my ol routine. Is there anything you would like to try even if you dont have thr confidence just anything?


Yes it sure is the anonymity of being here, the support and encouragment on here is amazing and it has really saved my life. Literally, but there is hope out there and things can change even if we dont think it can.


Thanks, well we went out for a celebratory lunch with some family and that was nice, tiring but nice.


I was watching fantastic beasts, it was ok. Not quite what I expected but it was good. Its raining and cold here so im in a hotel room as part of a birthday gift and I dont get away and literally work 24/7 as im a carer so im staying here and taking 2 days off to just sit and relax.


It took me 4 different medications and a yr to even get to the point of being ok. In saying that yes there is hope but they wont work on their own. Do you have a psychologist as well to talk about troubles offline and also work out the coping strategies that might work for you?


I understand those scars, I have them too only they are on my thighs but I cant wear shorts.
If he askes again tell him they are your battle wounds and ( if its its true ) your determined to not add any more. Then leave it at that.
I think its really special that your starting to really like him. You dont have to open yourself right up but rather you can use it as a distractional support such as just talking about life, catching up, going for walk or doing whatever it is you like to do. Tlak about your interests and get to know each other better. You dont have to delve into whats making you unhappy or upset etc but if he asks whats wrong if you can tell him whats making you upset.

[dragonflies]

Ah I'm not sure... When someone asks me what do I like or what would I like to do I have such a hard time finding any answers. If I really wanted to give something a go I will build up the confidence to do so. I just have absolutely no idea what... I am going to try kickboxing tonight... very big for me I'd say haha.

Lovely, I love spending birthdays with family. It is nice to get all my family together in one space for a change!

Sounds like my kind of holiday. Hope you have some more energy to get back into it. Sounded like you definitely deserved a break!

Yeah I can understand that medication isn't a straight up fix, have to work on it too. I have seen a psychologist once, have another appt in a couple weeks. I have been very reluctant to go to a psychologist because I don't really like to talk about my problems to anyone or try to explain them. I also feel like it will never get that much better or completely overcome them so I find it hard to see the point in it all. Expensive, short and I felt like all I tried to do was explain who I am and most of my past, though I found it difficult in the span of just an hour. It was like word vomit or something, all muddled up and just spat out whatever came next. Confusing I think. I don't understand how this person is supposed to really know who I am in such short amounts of time in infrequent sessions.

Yeah you're right. I agree, I don't like to talk about it or make up a big fuss. I just like to brush over it and ignore them. I find it hard to talk about when asked about it but I understand it would be confusing and confronting for him so I feel like he sort of deserves some sort of explanation.

Ahh I don't know what I like to do!! Probably would want him to come lie in my dark dungeon of a room and watch netflix with me all day haha.