When buttons get pushed

[Speak Your Truth]

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

[Birdy77]

Dear SYT 🌞,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind words, and for asking about my little, dearest chook.

I am sad to tell you that she passed away overnight.

I went to check on her at 2am and she had passed away. She looked so peaceful, she was snuggled in a cosy nest of towels in the laundry. Poor little darling, but I am glad she went peacefully and I think (hope) she knew she was loved.

She bad become my constant gardening companion, she's had health issues lately and her sisters were being unkind to her in the pen, so my partner made her a separate apartment to sleep in and she was allowed to free range out of the pen all day long. She became almost like a puppy, following me everywhere.

I will really miss her.

We buried her this morning and I had a young avocado tree waiting to be planted, so that will now grow in her honour and her legacy will thrive in the garden!

I was pleased to hear you had a better day yesterday, I imagine it would have felt awkward playing a board game with people you didn't know. Was that organised through a community centre or similar?

It was lovely to read of your connection with nature during your outing at the park with your furbuddy. Is your four legged friend a doggy? I had the most gorgeous furry canine friend and he passed away 2016 which broke my heart. I still miss him every day.

Could you write a letter to the person with whom you need resolution? I wonder if this would help you to get things off your chest and feel like you could have your say and move on in a way? I understand it might be more complicated than that, gosh, I have problems from my past that i know will never be resolved and that plagues me on an almost daily basis.

Life is hard isn't it?

What refreshes my soul? Well, as you know, my garden and feathered /furry friends, the beach, nature, music, ... uuum, lying on my back on the grass watching the sky ..... not sure what else! I like to read. When I can get creative, that's a big one: I like to make pots out of clay; linoprinting; collage; crochet .... but I guess my main creative space is growing things in the garden, I grow lots of our veggies and stuff, my dream would b e to be self sufficient, stuff like that.

I've gone on and on about me, but I'm interested to hear more about you.

Thanks for caring and for asking about what matters to me.❤

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Birdy I am so sorry about your chookie. I hope you are finding comfort in knowing you did all you could. Everyone, everything has a season & now it’s the avocado trees 🌳 🥑 time to flourish.

Here I am offering comfort to you & hoping it works for you, while I seem quite unable to comfort myself. I woke this morning & very quickly started to feel the pain of being in bed by myself. No warm & loving man to cuddle up to & lean against while still half asleep with an intense feeling of longing to be able to do that. But then reality sets in & I know I would definitely not want to deal with the everyday practicalities of a relationship that I’ve had to in the past - feeling irritated that washing dishes etc in the kitchen or clothes in the laundry always fell to me, every week having to remind ‘him’ to put the wheelie bin out, ‘him’ using the tv remote to surf around the channels. I’m passed the stage of being able to adjust to or manage those things. It’s unrealistic I know but I want a man to bring me a cuppa, a meal, the cuddles, be thoughtful & understanding, the loving support, the company, being looked after at least some of the time - ‘the perfect relationship’ - & for that to happen would be some gi-normous miracle.

I’m full of contradictions Birdy. Its often very quiet where I live & I like that because I get stressed by other people’s noise - music or radio - & high volume I can’t do anything about. Ocassionally someone nearby plays doof-doof type music & I hate it. I often can’t find what I like to hear on radio, don’t want to play a CD & yet I don’t want total silence either. What I really want is someone compatible here to talk with. There is no one next door or even reasonably close by I can invite in.

As we all do, I have things that I need or have to do - my own domestics, managing my finances etc, walking the dog - but unless I really have to I have very little motivation most of the time. There seems to be no point in bothering often, & at other times I know the kitchen is a mess & I think ‘I can’t keep up with it all’ - I make it so hard for myself. It’s so stupid.

Its late morning now & I haven’t done anything, not even had a cuppa or anything to eat so I’d better do that at least.

i hope you’ll start feeling better soon Birdy. I guess you do know that it’s normal & good to grieve, have a cry & get your feeling out at a time like this - as the saying goes ‘better out than in’.

be gentle with yourself & talk soon, hugs to you Birdy 🤗😘

[Speak Your Truth]

Birdy how are you now ? I do hope you might at least be starting to settle down a bit.

I’ve had a bad run with posting today. I posted the above last post to you this morning and it took ages to come through.

Then I posted another and because of our so-wonderful, oh-so-fast NBN wobbling in and out I somehow lost it. So a while later I started yet again but didn’t finish. When I got back to it it was gone. Sigh 😩 ! Now here I am for a fourth time ....

Yes, the board game (scrabble) thing was a community event. It is actually easier for me to put on a mask with strangers than it is with friends or other people I know. So the session went quite well really.

I hadn’t thought of your suggestion of writing a letter to the person but written words can sometimes be received worse than spoken ones, so it’s very tricky. My head spins at the thought. 😵

Do you find exercise helps you Birdy ? I’ve been so low and so tired for so long I think I’ve got into a bad routine with sitting about. I’m so UNmotivated to get exercise, I’ve never liked exercise. If it’s the by-product of some other activity it’s fine, but to make a point of it with no other reason has always seemed boring to me. Have you any suggestions how to get the motivation moving again Birdy ? Would you please come and give me a kick in the backside ?

I must go Birdy. I haven’t eaten much today so feel like I’d better have an early dinner.

Hugs Birdy, 🤗🤗

[Speak Your Truth]

I am feeling so bad today - can anyone help ? I have anxiety and depression problems

My struggle with loneliness today is maybe one of the hardest days I’ve had. I have this overwhelming need for company and being ‘looked after’ with loving care, to give me a break and manage the daily practicalities because I feel so unable to do it myself. I have little appetite so problems with eating. I am exhausted and drained in every way and I really don’t know how to keep going like this. I am frightened to think of breaking down or ending up in hospital

if God is real please send help

[Birdy77]

Hello SYT,

I was just about to sit and write a post to you with a cuppa ... I'm so sorry you are feeling terrible today.

How would you feel about timing the BB helpline to talk to a gentle person?

Or how about taking your furry friend to the park, just to get out of the house, change of scenery and some fresh air? You could take a sandwich and a book or magazine, have a little picnic?

What do you think?

These feelings are very painful, I know. Hang in there SYT. I will post this now and write more shortly.

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

Hi again SYT,

These days when the loneliness is so palpable and painful are incredibly difficult. I'm very sorry this is how it is for you right now ... and my words won't be much comfort, but I was hoping to encourage you that this dark feeling will pass, as awfully hard as it is to be in the middle of it. Your post to Mary on 17 April will remind you that sometimes you feel quite well and strong. As it is now coming up to afternoon, I am hoping that will help lift your spirits as well, I know mornings can be difficult.

It's really good that you went to the community centre board game thing the other day. Are there other regular things like that you could start to participate in, just to have some company and stimulation of sorts?

I used to go to my local women's health centre for Pilates classes, and I saw all sorts of different groups had activities going on there: craft mornings, book clubs, things like that, that either were free or cost something tiny like $15 for the term. Local Neighbourhood Centres have similiar.

I'm just putting ideas out there, I'm sure you know all these things ...

What about, is there a Community Garden that you could volunteer at? Do some weeding and have a chat with the other gardeners? I used to go to one of those, we'd light a fire on a Friday during the winter and share soup.

How about volunteering at the library, or offer to visit lonely people in the comminity through the neighbourhood centre, or if there is an aged care facility close by, lots of people get no visitors, maybe you could take your fourlegged friend to visit the elderly.

I am just throwing ideas out there SYT, just ignore them if they don't appeal...

Now: exercise! I know exactly what you mean about lack of motivation ... I've let my fitness slide, and at the moment I find I simply have to force myself to do it, because I know I will feel better after. Sometimes listening to music helps motivate me, I choose something upbeat, stick my ear buds in and go for that walk. It's the way I kick my own backside.

There are some fun workouts on YouTube if that's something that appeals ... I buy workout DVDs from the op shop and use them a few times until I'm bored out of my brain with them, and then return them and buy some more, they're like, $1 each.

I didn't mean for this message to be a bombardment, but I just want to throw some ideas out there that might help SYT. I don't like to hear you so down.

More again soon.

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Birdy ❤️

[Birdy77]

Hello SYT 🌞

Just checking in with you to say hello and see how you are, here's a cuppa ☕ and I will sit and listen to whatever you feel like talking about.

Do you have any plans for today? I was planning on doing a bit of gardening this morning, but it's a bit dreary and drizzly, which can be lovely to garden in, but I'm thinking I'm more in a snuggle-under-a-blankie-and-read-my-book kind of mood. Not sure yet. Plus, the book I'm reading is due back at the library so i have an excuse to have a book-&-blankie day, yes!

Do you have a garden?

I forced myself out for a walk yesterday afternoon, I went down to the beach and started along the shore, but it was so windy, I packed it in after 10 minutes, what a sook. Oh well, cleared the cobwebs out of my brain anyway.

With my suggestion for writing a letter to the person you'd like resolution with, you don't necessarily have to send it, if you're worried your words may be misinterpreted. It could be helpful to write the letter, say exactly what you want to say, and then burn it.

I did that with an unresolved situation a couple of years ago, wrote it all out in a letter, let it sit on my desk, edited it, rewrote it, let it sit ... let it sit ... and then after a few weeks I realised I wasn't thinking about it any more, I wasn't worried or obsessed about the situation and it occurred to me that i didn't need to send it to the person, because I was ok about it now and really, that's what mattered. As you said, if I'd sent it to them, it could be massive miscommunication, and could bring on further turmoil. But, having written it out, it was out of my heart and mind, and it was "released" .

So, I burnt it. It didn't resolve the situation, but resolved my worrying about the situation. Could be worth a try, no harm in giving it a go anyway ...

So I have nattered on, while i made you another cuppa ... and here it is ☕

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

Me again 🤩

Just wanted to mention a thread that might be helpful, it's called "Loneliness... what choices are there?" It's posted by Demonblaster and I think it's in the staying well section but I'm not 100% on that, but if you put that in the search bar it will come up. It's a good thread to read from the beginning, has great ideas in it.

Oh!! And!! A few weeks ago I saw you post somewhere or other about a movie you had seen, with family dysfunction and an elderly man who passed away, but you didn't say the name of it. I've been wanting to ask you was it "what we did on our holiday"? Sorry if you've forgotten about that, and dont worry, but i love that movie, the kids are brilliant in it and i wondered if that was the movie you meant.

If I've confused you 🤔, please ignore this post 😂

🌻birdy

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Birdy. Thank you so much for your support. You are a special person. It’s cold here today and it’s late morning and I’m still in bed. I need to shower and get some food in and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I just don’t know anymore. It’s crazy. I will try to write more later.