What do I do?

[Night]

This is my first post, so excuse me if I make any mistakes.

I hardly know where to start when discussing my sotuation. For just over a year I've been extremely stressed with family issues. I can't cope but I don't feel comfortable telling anyone. I lack trust as it seems every time I trust someone, they lose my trust almost as quickly. From things I've read on beyondblue and the Internet in general, I believe I have social phobia and depression. I helped care for a friend who suffers depression and it's been great to see him recover from the suicidal slump he was in. The only problem is now I've found myself in the same hole he was in. I don't know anyone who wouldn't judge me or react in some negative way if I told them I was suicidal. I tried to tell some friends about my mental state. At the time I was still unsure if I wanted them to know or not, so I double encrypted a message. It was devastating to see how quickly it was shrugged off as 'just some random letters to get attention'. Tonight I took the 'K10' test and scored 39. Last week I had possibly the scariest moment in my life. I was researching different suicide methods when my parents came in. I'm still unsure if they saw or not, but ever since they've been acting strange. I also have two school assignments coming up with very large weightings. Both are speeches- something I'm not looking forward to in the slightest. I don't know what to do. I know I need help, but I'm unsure if I want it.

Sorry if I rambled a lot in different directions, but I'm just so confused.

Thanks,

Night

[Night]

Hi Touille,

It's good to see new people joining the forums. I know it has helped me a lot and I hope it can help you too.

You mentioned the fact that my granddad should be in aged care/ rehab. While this is a great idea and one that has been discussed at home before, it isn't a practical one. The main reasons against it are the cost and the effect on my granddad. While we have been waiting on his house to sell for almost a year, there has still been little interest. This money would be all he needed to either get into aged car or buy himself an apartment somewhere. Also, if we did suggest it and he thought he was putting too much stress on us, he would likely attempt suicide again, something I know my mum wouldn't be able to handle. As far as my parents thinking for my sister's and my health, I suppose they think they do. I try not to let them know that he is frustrating me.

Thank you for thinking my grades are still good. It's a shame my parents think that slightly lower grades are the result of a lack of effort.

It's good to hear that you have found good friends after seemingly a long time.

Thanks again,

Night

[james1]

Oh man I feel old all of a sudden, haha. The latest one for me was CS Source. I had no idea they released another. And yeah, far out I hated hackers. Those people shooting through walls really ruined everything. Did they keep the same maps like the dust desert one and the ice one with narrow corridors?

Hahaha I'll have a look when I get home. I've got guitar hero 3 and metallica. Which one do you have? Guitar hero metallica is so frustrating because most of the metallica songs are pretty easy on expert, except for the solos. Once you hit the solos, you can go from like 95-100% hit rate to basically losing instantly. And because the songs are so long and the solo's so late in the piece, it's like f$%*% every single time, lol. I really wanted to get one of the full band ones because the drum bits are so fun, but it's expensive and they dont' sell them anymore 😞

Have you always been a PS/PC person then? The halo games are fun. The campaigns interesting and the multiplayer's a real blast. It's just the right amount of health to not be annoying when you die, but also be super nervous. I always got annoyed with the shooters that had little health because you could walk out and just die instantly.

Is overwatch like Mass Effect in how it plays? Or are there no abilities? And nice work on getting that rank 🙂

Oh wow a pentium? Is it at least dual core? That'd be annoying to run multiple programs if not. Oh I just have a boring old Dell monitor 😞 I've been wanting to get a new one but I can't justify the price, lol. What I really want to do is buy two extra monitors and run 3 screens :D.

[Night]

Hi James,

Sadly I never played CS 1.6 or Source. There are two sets of maps in CS:GO. Active duty and reserves. They are determined by Valve and don't change often. The active duty maps are the ones played in competitive tournaments and are typically more balanced. The main maps that are played are dust 2, mirage, cache, train, cobblestone and nuke. Dust 1 is in the reserves pool. Not sure about an ice map, doesn't ring any bells.

I started playing games a while ago when my grandma bought my dad a Nintendo Wii for Christmas and bought me GH3 for it. It's easily my favourite game, but my wii guitar has broken and I can't get a new one :(. I don't use the wii at all now. My dad won two PS3's in two seperate competitions, so the worse one became mine. About two years ago I started getting into PC gaming and can't believe how I ever played on a console :P. I currently have Guitar hero world tour, Metallica, warriors of rock and live on PS3, though I would love to find a copy of GH3. I'll never forget the first time I beat Lou on expert, or when my dad dared me to try Through the fire and the flames (he knew the song and I didn't) and I passed it. I'm currently trying to 100% every song on the games I have.

I haven't played Mass Effect, so I don't know if it's similar to Overwatch. In OW, there are 22 (soon to be 23) Each hero has a unique weapon with different effects, as well as two abilities with a timed cool down. They each have an ultimate ability that charges over time, but damaging enemies or healing teammates shortens this cooldown. There's an insane amount of teamwork and strategy that goes into the game. Whether it being damaging a support to force their ultimate so your teammate can wait it out and use theirs to wipe the enemy team or just combining a few ultimates to cause huge damage. Some friends and I entered a tournament to see how good we were. Versing top 500 players in the world in pre-made teams, we got absolutely annihilated, but it was incredible to see their teamwork.

The pentium's not great, but it works. I'm pretty sure it's dual core. While I have 2 monitors, I disable my bad one to get the most fps in game. I hope to upgrade my graphics card, and then my CPU later.

I guess I've rambled a bit, so I'll stop here.

-Night

[Kazzl]

Hiya Night - now, being an old chook, and the opposite of technically savvy, I didn't understand a word of the last couple of posts hahaha. But I am very pleased to see you back here and connecting with others with similar interests. That makes me very happy mate.

So, you guys do your thing, and I'll bring the tea and biscuits. 👍

By the way, I understand how annoying it is when you get a good grade and it isn't good enough. I once got 97% on a history project and the teacher told my mum it should have been 100% but I didn't work hard enough. She was serious. As an adult I realised that teacher only saw her students as a reflection of her own success and she wanted the 100% for herself, nothing to do with me really. Sometimes it can help to realise that people who are hurting you in some way are doing it to soothe their own sense of inadequacy, it's not actually about you - you could be anyone.

OK. Nanna rant over, off to make the tea.

Kaz

xx

[james1]

Hey Night,

Oh man some of those GH3 battles were insane. Lou was tough. Really tough. And I'm super impressed you did through the fire and the flames. I can't beat that on expert - my repetitive strumming just isn't very good. I can handle odd rhythms, but once it gets repetitive I get one wrong and mess up, haha. I really liked GH3 though. It had a good set list. World Tour's a full band one right?

My first game was Contra. Have you ever played it? I don't know what console we had, but it was on a console and dad and I used to play together. It was good fun, haha. It's just a side scroller where your character just constantly shoots and you get powerups as you move along.

Oh you haven't played mass effect? I'm guessing you're not a big RPG fan then and more into competitive type games?

Do you ever watch esports as they're now called? I used to watch some starcraft 2 games - fascinating to watch. Overwatch sounds somewhat similar in the team aspect to things like LoL and DotA.

Do you run it on an SSD or HDD? I've always been tempted by the SSD but I don't know if it's actually worth it. I find my computer boot time could be...improved.

How was your weekend? Did you get up to much?

Hey Kaz, it's nice chatting to Night (hi!) 🙂 I have this inner me that loves hearing about and talking about games and building computers.

I totally agree that some teachers and adults essentially live through others. I see my own parents doing that with me sometimes - my success is their success. I know they care about me, but any successes aren't about me and that is hurtful. So your insight is very true indeed - thank you.

James

[Night]

Hi Kazz,

I knew a lot of people wouldn't understand the last few posts. I suppose technology is just an area I really enjoy.

It is sad when people consider high marks (like the 97% you spoke of) as a failure when other people are struggling to get 50%. It's an interesting way of looking at things that I hadn't previously thought of, though it makes sense that they consider it their failures. Sad and in my opinion incorrects, but there is reasoning behind it.

Thanks,

-Night

[Night]

Hi James,

I loved the GH3 battles too. I especially remember the lou one because my guitar's whammy bar had broken. Whenever he used the whammy attack, I had to pause the game, turn off my guitar, turn on another wii controller, unpause the game and shake the controller then pause it again and turn my guitar back on. Though I haven't played world tour much, I believe you can plug in a microphone. Not sure about drums though.

I haven't heard of contra, but I'll check it out. As you guessed, I'm not a huge fan of RPG's or solo games, but prefer competitive FPS's. I watched a lot of competitive CS:GO and have watched some pro Overwatch games, but the current spectator system leaves a lot to be desired.

I only have a 1TB hard drive, but it seems really quick to me (at least compared to my old laptop). If an SSD is as fast as people say it is, I am amazed. I currently take about 30 seconds to boot Windows 10 from a shutdown.

My weekend wasn't great, though wasn't too bad. I had to start waking up early again as I don't want to be too shocked waking up at 7am for school on Tuesday 😞 How was your weekend?

Thanks again,

-Night

[blondguy]

Hey Night

just about to make a cuppa and saw your post pop up 🙂

A SSD is rocket fast...less memory but the speed is always there...I have several people in business that wont upgrade to anything else as they need the speed and reliability of a SSD.

I use a dated Hewlett Packard PC with 500GB hard drive and just waiting for the pricing to come down for a nice touch screen SSD laptop...(I use a PS3 with my TV for the gaming).....PC is only for gaming.

Great to have you on the forums Night 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Starwolf]

Hey Night,

I am definitely one of those who have no idea what your last posts were all about...but I am glad it is an interest you can share with many others.

Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the best for tomorrow. Starting school/work again after a break is always a bit of a shock to the system. You are wise to prepare yourself for this change...

Thinking of you.

[Night]

The night before school returns. It's just one of those things that no matter what, people usually hate. Whether it be hating a teacher or just learning in general, it is typically classed as not a fun time. But there's that silver lining, you might say. You get to catch up with your friends and see what they did in the holidays. Well that's not me. I love learning. I love challenging myself in maths or science or I.T., but I hate school. It's the human interaction that I hate. Some would say that being analytical and methodical in thought process as a gift. I see it as a curse. My curse. I read people. I predict their actions and their intentions with an alarming accuracy. This could also be seen as a gift. The bad part comes when all I can see is the negatives. Whether correct or not, I see negatives. Currently I am running through so many horrifying scenarios for tomorrow (perhaps today by the time this post goes live). If for example, I were to wear my regular uniform, is there a message I missed saying that for the first day we can wear sport uniform? Unlikely, yes but a possibility. I would then be the centre of attention, something I dread. The whole way there, I will be sweating, petrified of this for no real reason. While the logical part of my mind says that people won't care, I cannot ignore otherwise. This is just one example. It's so hard to explain and I know I have done a horrible job. I see people as bad. Is that because I am only seeing the worst in people, or am I being justifiable in my conclusions?

I have a handful of friends. They don't come back to school until next week because they are going into year 12. 'Why aren't you friends with people in your year?' you might ask. I feel like an outlier. Everyone else in my year seem so immature, cruel and more. I don't understand the justification of thought process that goes on in a lot of their heads. I can predict it and recognise patterns, but never justify it.

So I sit here tonight, dreading every moment I have to interact with people. Though scarred (physically and mentally), I have to deal with it because society says so.

I guess this was an unnecessary rant

-Night