This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Lisa, great to hear from you. Sounds like a lots happening. Hopefully the new principal is a breath of fresh air. As for the other not. Some people don’t know how to react when it comes to mental health and it takes courage to open up . To your credit you mask it well as we all do.

Quirky I’m ok , just had some jabs in my ankle steroid which didn’t tickle.Been going nuts buying things on eBay and relearning how to tie fishing knots but my hands are so shaky these days.

Velvet love the Corellas from a distance. They visit annually at the local shopping centre and chew on wires, tv aerials and the Maccas signs. When I can get back walking so looking forward to seeing red rumps, black cockatoos, even the magpies.

Asdff hope you are ok ? It’s taking me a while to drop by here

[quirkywords]

I have never told someone I had bipolar in a work setting , but when I have told people friends, extended cousins, strangers after giving a talk I find reactions vary from them telling me about someone they know who had bipolar and about their behaviour, to people saying you dont look like you have it, to people saying I thought you would have outgrown it or a dear relative saying they chose not to be depressed.

One person years ago sent me newspaper clippings about famous people who had bipolar, as this was many decades before the internet.

Has any one else had interesting reactions when they have told people about their mental health or have you decided not to tell others.

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky, people are super ignorant I tell ya!!!

I came here and stayed even though I have adhd and not BP.... so.... you guys were cool about everything!!.

My parents were not surprised. My good close friends weren't either. Man thing wasn't either.

I chose to tell 3 colleagues who are cool.

I will tell my actual supervisor when she is back as she is super cool and she will be like AAAHHHH that explains a lot.

She will ask questions and learn. Good people educate themselves so they can try and understand.

Others judge and assume.

[velvetfaerie]

Thinking of everyone at the pointy end of the school year too !!!

A break for some and chaos for others.

[velvetfaerie]

Oh that school asdff. Yeh well being well acquainted with toffy nosed bullies I am not surprised. And funny enough where I work did a survey too and my dept got slammed. That was 2 years ago. Nothing has changed. In fact it's worse.

The culture has to change. The box ticking courses, seminars and policies are pointless and nothing but show.

[asdff]

Lisa, I think you cope really well. Not a chance I could work with high school kids. Kindy kids probably. I love them at that age and find them fun and delightful. The big ones, nope too opinionated and judgemental.

Velvet, I totally agree with you about non judgemental types. We do educate ourselves.

Quirky, end of term. I have one finishing primary school this year. It will be sad. Bitter sweet as it’s my last one at Primary School. We have loved the Primary School the kids went to. It’s very inclusive and a fantastic community. I wrote the child last Primary School Permission Slip yesterday. At High School it’s all done online.

How do I cope? With lots of down time. Watching comedies. When I have some energy I do housework. I do think the increase in meds is taking it’s effect. I haven’t had much energy.

Airies, I know what you mean about the buying things. It’s like filling a void. If I buy this, it might make me happy. Item arrives. Ah no. Still not happy.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I really like this sentence.

Good people educate themselves so they can try and understand. I may put it on my fridge.

Asdff I loved primary and fell apart in high school and uni.. I wonder if I stayed in a primary like supportive environment if would have coped better . Who knows..?

velvet I am still thinking of seeing someone about adhd. I saw statistics Nd they were quite high for people with bipolar and vice versa.

[velvetfaerie]

And bad people assume they know everything 😉

Yes they can be coomorbid. If you flip out on traditional ADHD meds.... it's a give away. Lol. They make me chill, calm, less hyperactive and reactive. And boy howdy they have even helped sleep!!!

The fun thing is pms with this condition. Oestrogen and Dopamine are bedfellows. This probably isn't helping me at the moment to be fair.

Anyhow.... I'm coming the the realisation that if I'm made redundant it's going to be a blessing in disguise and I'm changing career all together.

[quirkywords]

Velvet do you have a new career in mind..?
It is good you have a plan b.

I think it is great that your meds help you.

[velvetfaerie]

Well, my conversations with equity and input have been heard. I've been seen, heard, understood. Next year we start the good fight. Like everyone else with specific needs for flexibility, inclusion, etc, I too have every right. Something that has been very absent for my entire time there.

I covered lots of stuff. But she absolutely agrees with me as does her boss.

Given the only person they have contributing to their policy writing isn't formally diagnosed, I'm going to ask to help as well. It helps with my inclusion and variety of work.

If after all this I get axed, I've been seriously considering a law degree. My old colleague said I'd be a good lawyer. She has many letters after her name and is a professor so her input is worth listening to.

I'm off to the gym on my day off.

Hope you all have a great day.