This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I think I feared ending up alone and never finding somebody that I just clicked with. Luckily I found my other half later in my life after a few failed relationships.

Saw my psych yesterday. He's happy with how I'm going. No change to the meds. I asked him yesterday what it says about my brain to be able to tolerate such a high dose of antidepressant. He explained about how the receptors in your brain are sensitive. He then went on with a detailed explanation about what happens to the brain when you're depressed. It makes me feel better that there's a scientific explanation for my condition. He reassured me that it's not something I can help. I think people throw the word depression around too easily these days.

Wishing everybody a good weekend

[quirkywords]

Lisa

when I used to give talks to the community groups, I would say that people of say things like:

I am so depressed my footy team lost

I am so depressed i didnt get an item on ebay.

I am so depressed I didnt win the lottery.

These are all sayings I have heard people say. Try to explain they are upset or disappointed but not depressed.

[Guest9337]

I think/feel some of them will be emoting that the footy team losing adds to their pile of woe, or their sadness briefly increased because they lost the bid/lottery.

Like the final straw on the camels back, that broke the back and spirit of the animal.

I wonder if they understand if it wasn't the straw/loss that broke the back, but all the load before it... all that stuff called baggage in a camel caravan.

[velvetfaerie]

Dogs are fantastic. I'm in the process of fostering with view to adopt another. Long road though.

Well when studying what I was interested in... not so boring but had boring bits.

I just put on a cool TV show... walked away. Bored. Lol.

[Guest9337]

Wife n I have two approx 11 year old dogs.

I had an idea to visit the animal shelter but just havent gone round to it yet.

I think I would be so sad to see them all behind cages and want to let them run free in or out of the cage as they saw fit, rather than so restricted.

I hated tv for quite some time, that decreased down into being happy not to watch tv!

[quirkywords]

when I was a child the worst thing I could say was to say to my mum something was boring. . She would say

I was boring and I should find a way of finding things interesting. She would go on an on that iI would never be brave to say I was bored, it was the most disliked word in our house!!!

[Guest9337]

That was the aussie saying that went round.. "Only boring people are bored."

[velvetfaerie]

I am scared about the psychiatrist app. No idea why. I have tests to have done prior and the organisation of it all around work is so exhausting. I just feel like my life is always out of control.

I have been awake since ridiculously early today. Brain is loud.

Coffee soon. Early gym. 4 homes have asked me to visit this weekend and it's a resounding no. I am so desperate for me alone time. Somehow people still expect me to run after them. I just cbf anymore. I won't people please at the expense of my own welfare.

[Guest9337]

velvetfaerie said:

I won't people please at the expense of my own welfare.

Indeed, me neither.

nor will I appease people who harm me or you for that matter.

[velvetfaerie]

People pleasing stuff. I burn out regularly on my mental and physical rat wheel. My friends over the years have become a tiny circle. Those who get me and I get them. No narkiness when I said no I can't.... I can count them on one hand. Ones who respect me and my life and boundaries. They're keepers and they all have their own MH issues too....

Been restless since toddlerhood....... mind and body constantly whir....