This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Tams, thanks for your kind words.

I am so glad you are beginning to recognise a pattern with your moods .

I must say to me the tiredness is the hardest thing. Even though I am now relatively stable the exhaustion gets to me and people say why are you so tired and it is hard to explain to people who have no idea.

I also can misread a situation but I think many people too with or without bp.

Hope you feel better soon and get some more energy.

V,

Thanks for your kind words .Hope you get well soon. I am glad you are back as I missed your posts.

Does fatigue affect the moods or do the moods cause the fatigue. Discuss!!

Quirky

[Loula]

Qurikywords I like you due to the fact I find you so wise and open. Your like a book full of information and happy to help.

Im scared I’m going to get sick again. My mum is really ill and in and out of hospital. My family is mad at me because I won’t go to my uncles birthday. But then again this is the family that didn’t come to my birthday. They got so mad they blocked me on FB like hello your 50 grow up! And the reason I’m not going is I can’t do loud crowds and places I don’t feel comfortable and I still feel rejected by them not coming to my bday and the hurtful words they said about me to my mother.

and I just don’t know what to do with work. I’m finding it hard and having to take extra medication to get through the day that’s highly addictive and I don’t want that. My head has to many thoughts. That’s it I’m having a bath tonight and eating Mexican!

[quirkywords]

Loula

Thanks for your kind words. I am not so sure about the wise still waiting for that to kick in.!

Sorry about your mum that would be so stressful.

You are right to look after yourself and avoid situations that will make you feel uncomfortable.

Having a bath and eating Mexican sounds like a great combination.

You are determined you will get there.

Thanks for your posts and take care.

Quirky

[Loula]

I think I’m going to have to leave work early. I’m going down fast. I hate this!

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Look after yourself. I hope leaving work early will help.

You have tried so hard bet now you need to be kind to yourself. Hopefully you can get better on the children.

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

A bath and Mexican food sounds so much better than family drama. URGH.

I think I want nachos now.

**drool**

[Loula]

I love nachos! They are the best. I talked to my boss and I’m leaving an Hr early. I got a massive 2 day’s coming up in work and I’m taking on a lot of responsibilities so I’m like my battery is dead I need to fule it for the weekend. I want to make it this week with out taking a full day off!

[velvetfaerie]

I needed to refuel. I still do. I think Nacho fuel is the key here.

😄

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

It is cold damp and windy and all this talk of food has made my hungry.

Loula, recharging, refuelling, all sounds good. I hope you make the full week but not at the expense of your health. Taking one hr off is still a full week.

Velvet, Nacho fuel sounds a great diea.

How do others refuel , re charge battery, involving ways other than food.?

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi Quirky and everyone,

I’ve just had a big few days of working interstate and I definitely need to refuel now... am having a day off work today and am so tired... I can’t sustain the pace like I used to be able to... I blame a combination of middle age and having young children!

I just had Mexican for lunch and am definitely feeling better for it! Yummm...

Tams