This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Velvet,

You sound in a mischievous mood.

I get sick of being the one who always keeps in touch.

Loula,

You knew this week would be hard.

I think the doctors want you to be kind to yourself. I get that you need to strive for perfection but if you push yourself too much it may harm your health.

A friend says if you are mad or sad don't text .

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi everyone 👋

Velvet, I like your style... I think it’s important to be in control of these situations. If we’re not in control of these so-called friendships, then we might be in a position of weakness? I’m certainly not having that. No weakness for me. I might have a condition, an illness, but it’s not going to set me back.

Loula you’re doing so well, keep at it! As Quirky day, don’t push yourself too hard, but you’re obviously amazing at your job and I love the fact that you can keep performing so well when you’re struggling. I like to think I’m a bit the same. This illness isn’t going to stop me either.

I’m absolutely exhausted, have been on the go since 4am and I’ve just had several drinks with dinner and I’m feeling invincible! Thankfully I’m now alone in a hotel room so can’t share my ‘awesomeness’ with anyone 😂.

Have been group messaging tonight with a group including my ‘eff you’ friend and her absence from the conversation has been deliciously satisfying. My other friends will be wondering why she’s not involved... is it normal to love causing such a stir?? I think not. But I do.

If I’m going to wreck my life I’d may as well enjoy doing it.

Tams

[Airies]

Hi folks,

another lovelly winters day. It won't last but I'll grab the Suns Ray's whenever I can. I've got it in my head that I need to excercise every day. Today only a walk but I did it. Tams if I have a few drinks I'm a blubbering idiot. Must be the meds. Moving house soon, it's been stressful and I'm not the most tolerant person after a few hours of lugging stuff around. It will be worth it. I need to go to the dentist. Something I've been putting off for a few years.i had braces and had nice teeth, but find myself grinding my teeth daily and end result broken flings and the like. Last thing i need is a lecture from the dentist. I've been googling life expectancy of bipolar person. Not that I expect to drop off the perch tomorow but I often think these meds are taking their ttoll and I almost have a rather flippant attitude to life and death. Having said that I intend being around for a few years yet. I'm not depressed at all. I see my psych tomorow or I think I am. Usually get a reminder on my phone but maybe got dates stuffed up. Anyway more xcecise tomorow ,

cheers

[velvetfaerie]

I can be mischievous totally. I get those haphazard moods of stuff it, stuff them, stuff that, who cares, whatever.

Tams - I sometimes enjoy stirring and creating controversy. Makes people think. Well at least I hope it does.

I think I get so tired from investing so much energy helping others etc then I reach the stuff it stage.

AHhhhhh I am at work. Man thing is flying out now to work. Serenity. HAHA.

V.

[Loula]

To me not pushing myself is being lazy. I need to be perfect. I don’t know any different. Like my whole life I’ve pushed. Teachers told me to quit school as they said I’m dumb but I say stuff you and pushed myself to graduate.

I also can’t be easy on myself because I don’t like myself. I don’t know how to love myself. I can see good qualities in myself but I believe these are just qualities every person should have. I feel if I love myself I’m being vein and also I look at myself and just see an alien that’s high and low and takes up to much space on earth. Dose that make sense?

I got through yesterday. The morning was good the afternoon was very hard and physically painful and my battery’s where flat. Now for round 2!

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

Tams,

I think it is great with your confidence in controlling your illness and not allowing it hold you back and stop you from doing what you want to do.

Sounds like you have had an eventful day, I hope you are not too tired today.

I suppose I spent too many years denying my bipolar then fighting it and I now I think I accept that is there but just do my own thing if that makes sense.

Airies,

Thanks for the update. My son studied actuarial statistics and has told me about the bipolar life expectancy as compared to the non bipolar person but he said as I am in good Health I should be ok. I worked it out and by the figures I only have 8 years left-sobering thought but I have defied the odds before and I'll again.

Velvet,

Stirring and creating controversy, I used to do that but now I am quietening down in my older age!

I think helping others is ok if you are appreciates and they reciprocate when need,

Waves to everyone

Quirky

[velvetfaerie]

Loula - I too push so hard, and to not, I feel lazy. I push and push and push until I flop.

I too am not a fan of myself.

Yeh I only stir with the occasional person these days. Ones who need a boot up the backside.

I am at work and don't feel well. Feverish night. Hmm.

V.

[quirkywords]

Greetings to everyone,

Velvet

I am a fan of yours because you manage life with a sense of humour and you work hard .

You work hard and don't complain.

Your posts say a lot in a few concise words.

Loula,

I am your fan because you never give up.

You write from the heart.

You work hard even when you are not well.

Tams

I am your fan

you are coping with a recent diagnosis

your posts are honest and insightful

you are learning to live with yourself

Aries,

You know what you should do and are honest

You are aware of your strengths and not so string points

you don't like lycra which I don't either.

To everyone reading and everyone who has ever posted

I am your fan because you keep trying and carrying on despite the obstacles.

I think it is easy to be a fan of others what we need to be is our own favourite fan.

I am not sure how to do it but I am trying. What about you?

Quirky

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Quirky, great post. We are all trying hard, sometimes failing. But that’s ok. At least we’re trying!

I’m feeling very low today, but this time I saw it coming. Am starting to recognise a bit of a pattern with my moods which is useful. And tiredness plays a big part. Today I am so exhausted and a little bit hungover and I feel like everything is just too difficult. No energy. No motivation.

My friend apologised to me yesterday for snapping at me. So here we go again, back on the merry-go-round... I think I have less problems in my marriage than with this particular friend (and my marriage isn’t the best..) we seem to have some emotional stuff going on that is unusual... I keep thinking that it’s just me being a bit manipulative and possessive but I think she’s doing it too... a bit risky to mention it, she’d probably say “what are you talking about?” and then I’d feel like an idiot. I don’t trust myself not to misread the situation. I think I just like playing games with people sometimes, perhaps she is the same...

So how is everyone else feeling? Hopefully better than me?

Tams

[velvetfaerie]

Aweee quirky shucks. Your way with words are so eloquent. The care you show us mob is second to none.

**hugs to all**

I have a mild virus thing, other than that I’m ok. I’m a bit annoyed it’s taxed my energy. 🙁

Thats how I know I’m a bit unwell. I’m sleeping and tired. Mild fevers.

Hope you feel better soon Tams. Good night sleep needed?... I find fatigue affects my moods too.

V