This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

We had huge iced coffees with all the trimmings. No cake. I can't believe I forgot cake!!! Was 4hrs catching up. Very good stuff. The workplace she left and I'm still in needs to change. The resignation of one of the high up toxic people is a start. My foray challenging attitudes and belief systems with support may help. It may not. Gotta try.

Ah yeh didn't tell you avid readers. My uncle wrote and released a book about his time undercover in the police force in the 70s and 80s.

Shops do my head in. Too much overload. Entitled annoys me too. Big time. Too much of it in society.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

me, I heard one woman complain how she was so stressed as she could get the nail polish colour she wanted.

I also get annoyed people in shops start harassing assistants who are only doing their job.
I hope you weren’t waiting too long.

It has been raining here all day. My biggest walk was from house to garage.

[Airies]

It’s sunny here today. A bit of gardening and hoping to part up some plants to sell. Injections in my ankle have worked and back on the bike. I always walk but with a ride I find I’m not reaching for extra med.

id love to control my eating but I’m constantly changing.
V you will have to get an autographed copy. Sounds like it will be a fascinating read. I will be dropping off some books to the Salvos. No cds, albums, dvds , books in this house . Minimalist.Grab a few books for holidays and once read gone.Love it.

[quirkywords]

Aries

What is opposite of minimalist a maximumist, a clutterer??

I was a minimalist for maybe a few weeks after the fires. I now have maybe 500 books or more but I had thousands.

I see my books and soft toys as my therapy.

Last few days I have been so tired.

How is everyone?

[velvetfaerie]

I have an autographed copy at my parents place. I'm yet to collect it.

I'm exhausted. Minimal sleep. 14hrs non stop day with 1hr rest.

Meeting went very well.

I have learnt that when you start asking people to respect your boundaries and they continually ignore, argue, fight, justify, they benefit too much from taking advantage.

Lots of people aren't liking it. Well lots of people will no longer be in my life. 3 have been cut out. I'll keep going.

[quirkywords]

velvet

glad meeting went well.

That is true what you say about people ignoring your boundaries , I never saw it like that but they do benefit from taking advantage. I used to make excuses for people but no more.

[asdff]

Who feels managing their illness is a full time job? I sure do. Appointments, picking up medications, getting scripts from the doctor, blood tests etc etc. I don't usually feel atacked about not going to "Paid" work but I Do today. That is okay. It's nearly school holidays and I have to run the ratbags around.

As for boundaries. I have learned to say no as otherwise I would turn into my Mother. Who can only say no, now her body can't keep up with her demands. She still is not very good at it.

[quirkywords]

Asdff handling my emotions is a full time job for me.

Handling comments people close to me makes full time work.

I talk about myself I am seen as being self centred. I make a comment I am grumpy and negative .

[asdff]

Quirky I laughed out loud about handling your emotions. Same here Quirky. It’s hot here today and affects my mood. What time of day it is affects my mood.

[quirkywords]

asdff

I remember wondering when I was younger what would happen when i was way past menopause and no longer had hormones and mood swings to explain my grumpineaa!!