This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Very worn out after this week but looking positive towards the scheduled meetings next week.

I hope everyone here is trucking along ok!!!

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I hope you rest on the weekend.

I am volunteering on Saturday at charity shop .

Been a bit of a struggle this week with family never letting me forget my past. People say change and then they won’t let you.

[velvetfaerie]

I've definitely factored in rest this weekend. I've told 3 people no.

Working in charity shops would give you the opportunity to meet and talk to some interesting and kind people yeh?

Not like man things ex and offspring. Because it's not all their way this weekend it's not happening. Lol. They don't understand compromise, teamwork, accountability and stuff.

*rolls eyes*

I'm going to the gym to be accountable for my lack of exercise this week ahhaha.

[asdff]

Velvet I’m the opposite of you today. No exercise for me. I find it very hard to not go out and exercise. That is okay I can do rest. I am so proud that you got your point across at work. Hats off to you and be proud that you got a write up on your condition.

Quirky, my Mother thinks I would be good in an Op Shop because unlike her. I wouldn’t take thousands of things home. Ha ha.

[quirkywords]

asdff

I do buy things and collecting but it is my therapy and by buying secondhand things I am stopping items going to land fill. I buy things then when i dont need then I donate them back.

Velvet there interesting customers and volunteers and going there has been good social outlet plus I get to work with books. I hope the exercise went well.

[velvetfaerie]

Exercise is awesome.

More today.

It's been a very insane week. One more thing is a friend I've had for 20 years or more has turned out to not be who he claimed. He's a bad person.

He's done bad things. Not allegedly. He has. A credible source has come forward. I know her very well.

Turns out some things he did to me have come back to my memory and indeed are very much predator behaviours which were also done to the credible person.

Myself and this man's ex are just brain mush at the moment. Guilt. Anger. Sadness.

I am ok I'm just mush. He's going to be in jail again before the end of today.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

Thst would be so horrible on so many levels.

I don’t know what to say except I hope you have support.

A very insane week and so much for you to process and cope with.
Thinking of you.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm used to no support but my friend, his ex, and I are chatting. We both feel the same way.

I have a coffee date today with a old work colleague which is cool!!!!

I might read a book too. After. It's been a year since I've read a book. You've inspired me to try again Quirky.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am glad you have people to chat with, and a coffee date, was there cake?

I need to inspire myself to read more as I read lots of children books and a very esoteric and quirky mixture of books.

Lisa how is school going and wedding preparations.

Asdff how are you feeling?

Aries are you having a family Christmas get together at your place. ?

[asdff]

I hope you and friend can process your feelings together. Reading, I love it. That and exercise are my favourite things. I can escape with both. I can quiet my VERY loud brain and thought patterns.

At this moment I am sitting and waiting for teen child in a busy shopping centre. I’ve done the chores I needed to do, now want to go home. Usually teen child would catch the bus to and from this shopping centre. I have had enough of loud and super bright lights. I also saw two rather entitled primary school aged girl with their Mum and Dad in the toy section of a shop. They were exclaiming what they had and what they wanted for Christmas. Sorry parents the whole shop doesn’t need to hear it. Who else gets peeved at entitles people?