This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[wail]

Quirky I'd call that lateral multi tasking and it is a very interesting way to work. It may look wrong to others but if it suits you then so be it. Sorry your partner looks for reasons to squabble I know this behavior. Sometimes I tell myself it's like that little boy who likes the girl, so to get her attention, he pulls her pigtails, which hurts and annoys her, but his skills are limited and his need for her attention is just so high. Weird cause our response validates their need which makes them think the mission is a success and it continues. That's so Crazy.

Asdff yesterday I actually borrowed 2 fiction books, I just need a break and to leave my reality for a spell. Sorry the weather damaged the library book- that would make me rather upset as I tend to look after other peoples things more than I do my own. Good luck fixing

Aries excellent tip to burst the bubbles when contacting a book because there is always bubbles. Cheers

[quirkywords]

Wail

I like your analogy of the small boy trying to get attention from the girl.
what I find exhausting is when adults don’t get their own way they want to lie on the floor and scream , but they say well if that is how you feel I will never (insert verb like) cook, drive, talk to you , again!,

I also look after other people’s possessions, houses etc probably more carefully than my own.

Asdff how did the book turn out. We’re there any water marks.

Aries how are you feeling.?

Lisa what is it like being back at school.?

velvet how are you.?

[velvetfaerie]

Brats annoy me, adult and child alike. Context in life is important. Never take things for granted. Work together.

The weather has been ordinary over here. Warm sunny days then SLAM hectic storms.

I am going ok. Next week at work is going to be interesting as I've needed to cover 3 roles. I said no, I can cover what is priority or part there of, I simply cannot do 3 roles adequately at the same time in 2 different locations. If some staff got off their backsides and pitched in it wouldn't be like this.

Man thing is disrespectful to other people things including mine. So I admire you guys for caring for things that aren't yours. I feel the same way actually. Not mine and have been trusted with it, don't mistreat it. Sometimes bonafide accidents happen though.

V

[wail]

Quirky that I will never /// again is what I call the final act-' The baby and the bath water' OH YER our boys are similar, my husband will always resort to throwing out the baby with the bath water, and he always goes back on his /// threat. Nearly thirty years of watching his behavior has given me clear perspective. My husband was over indulged by his mothers and he craves this cycle. I try to remember this is his character and only he can change it, he's stuck on his own loop. Me I'm just his prop.

Velvet covering three roles is a big ask, good to see you know your limits as I'm sure you will do well.

Good news get my nose set on Monday and my vacc tomorrow. Papa is watching the removalist unpack the neighbors stuff with binoculars. It is like he is watching a prize show as he keeps yelling out what he see's. It is nice to see he is returning to his busy body self. My niece slept 4 hours last night which is a good sigh. Cheers

[Airies]

Wail, packing a lot in a few days. I’ve delayed getting a cortisone steroid shot in my ankle as we are going away for a week and no one can give me a concrete answer as to whether I will be able to hit the ground running.

Quirky, yep I’m ok.Like everybody one day at a time. All over the shop but that’s the way I’m wired.Just my scattered self. How are you and others doing? Its sunny here , but it won’t last

[asdff]

The book is water damaged. It’s not completely dry yet. It’s not the weather for drying. Like all of you, I’m tired. I’m not great but still here.

[wail]

Asdff it's a shame about the book, good thing that librarians are generally lovely people, I'm sure they will understand. Always great to see you here.

Aries how wonderful to get away for a bit and yes I hope your ankle behaves itself and you all have a good time. We will feed the husky while you are away 😉

I did a small ornamental cross stitch today, it says "different but not less" and I put it in my nieces' room. This is me building a bridge. I miss her and she will need allies. As yet she doesn't want to see me and that's ok.

[quirkywords]

Velvet 3 roles at once wow they must know about your super powers.

aries , hope your ankle improves.

wail my dad used to give me a running historical commentary every day from my mouse to where he was driving me. Never the same commentary but I think he made up some of it. Your papa reminded me of him.

[asdff]

I got my referral for a medication review. My GP should know I have type two Bipolar. On my file it only says Bipolar Disorder. He asked me are you have more ups? My response no. Downs. This is via a phone call. I thought it would be easier on me. Now thinking back to it. I should have said I never get ups. That is my problem. I’m depressed 99 % of the time. Even taking everything that is prescribed and doing all of the lifestyle things that are recommended.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am no doctor, wouldn’t it be unipolar.?

I was equally up and down but my mania caused more problems than by lows.