This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Wail,

please throw out the guilt and words like crappy aunt and the shoulda and could.
Mind you I am queen of guilt. Looking at hoe my grandchildren are looked after and how involved their parents are I feel they may have missed out but I know loved them and we had lots of fun and creative times.

I never had a sister and I wish I had a sister as compassionate and understanding and kind and clever you. Your niece is so fortunate to have you as her aunt as you have been there all her life, you have cared and been so patient with her.

I like your song choices.

Aries what a coincidence with funeral. It is sad and at our age we do think about our mortality at least I do .

velvet law sounds like it would suit you. I wanted to study law but my mum didn’t want me to and bipolar made sure it was too hard.

[wail]

You know you guys have helped me to see, that I am going through grief stages, we have lost our bambi, our little girl. I don't know who she has become and the loss is just so sad it is clouding everything.

Remember the tv show Deal Or No Deal, presented by Andrew O'Keefe, he has a law degree and bipolar. I guess he was lucky and the bipolar arrived late in life. Recently he's had his own legal battles with domestic violence and drug use. Driving offences and general chaos in his life. I really hope he can get it together for his family and the greater bipolar community. I'm against using bipolar as an excuse in court I would rather people say I have a diagnosed mental health condition which affects my thinking. Same thing without slapping the bipolar community.

See I'm grumpy and sad shadowed by guilt- still and generally in a fractured state

[wail]

Clumsy me, I am making errors that defeat my efforts. I cleaned the washing machine and forgot to reconnect the discharge hose and yep then I put a load on. My husband just finished telling me not to lose them screws and I lost one. I was a dunder head yesterday as well, all this trouble is clouding my thinking.

I will resume looking at greyhound profiles, it's the only thing that makes me feel good. Cheers

[quirkywords]

Wail,

I have noticed than when a well known person gets in trouble with the law they finsll admit to having a mental illness whereas before it was secret. I can see why.

I have always said I take responsible for all my actions and I made those decisions but my thinking and logical rational self was impaired by my disorder.

i am so sorry you feel fractured and the grief you feel I so psinful and so evident through your writing.

My partner has no label so everything I do is wringMx he blames on my condition. I feel so exhausted by silly arguments.

I like this thread as we accept understand and do not judge.

please everyone be as kind you yourself as you are to your family amd friends.

[asdff]

Wail it must be the day for water to ruin things. We have unseasonal storms here. Yesterday I did a late load of washing and it was a sunshine filled day, left the washing on the line over night. Cue bit storm. My book was undercover but due to sideways rain. It now damaged. I have been trying to dry with a hairdryer. The noise has made my mood worse.

[velvetfaerie]

Imagine the books Quirky lost......

[asdff]

Sorry Quirky. It would be okay if it was mine but it was a library book.

[quirkywords]

Thanks Velvet.

Asdff I can understand about library books , we either lost them or damaged them so years ago I stopped joining libraries.

I wish books could be cured by rice when waterlogged like mobiles can.

I usedto dry books in the sun so sometimes it works. If the pages are really close and wet I put dry paper in between so they don’t stick.

[Airies]

Brings back memories of covering books with contact,using a pin when you had bubbles to get the air out, covering hardcover books ,,shelving and reshelving books as I studied. Haven’t visited a library in years. I read now or try to when on holidays.

Nowadays have the attention span of a gnat. Looking forward to some decent weather

[quirkywords]

Aries

I too have Thea ttention of gnat , maybe an old gnat. I get so ditravted , I will start do8ngnone thing, do another and a few hours later I go back to the first task. I then look at the trail of mess I have left.