This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Damn, you would think I would proofread. Nope, I’m resting before going into shops.

I was not a naughty child. I was the people pleaser. Doing everything “right” to not upset my critical father. I’m not stubborn, I’m the other side of the coin determined. I don’t think they are the same. I do consider others feelings, I think stubborn means never apologising. I do apologise, I do recognise that I can be a pain in the ar?e.

[Airies]

I was quite as a child. Often entertaining myself. My mother was overprotective and my stepfather would work 7 days a week. Even during my working life I would bust my guts getting things done, over achieving. All or nothing.

I should apologise more often. I am so lucky to have what I have. It’s not easy living with us.

[velvetfaerie]

Define good child. Compliant? Unquestioning? Not thinking for themselves?

In which case I was a naughty child. Very active mind and body. Made my own decisions. Went against the grain. Grades in subject I enjoyed were high. Was asked to do academic extension in my first high school. I declined. I rebelled and did almost everything "good" kids don't do.

Not one charge. Not one felony. Gainfully employed with various qualifications.

And no regrets either.

[quirkywords]

I have and still am to some extent a people pleaser..

I am a challenge to live with just aske my exes,!!

I feel I am compassionate and fun to be with but so far have not found a partner who has appreciated me .

[wail]

Here's a martini shaken not stirred to Velvet those border collies remind me of 007 in a tuxedo, action a plenty. True working dog spirit to Aries the husky is a good fit. The Irish setter is a lovely surprise to Asdff, I like that you use colorful language and I wish my psychologist did, as it would help me concentrate. Smiles to Quirky did you know that dalmatians can produce a real smile. I saw one do it at the pound once and it scared me, they imitate our smile, now I wish I could have that moment back! As a child I was like a tail chasing staffy, doing a lot and getting nowhere fast, itchy bum.. maybe, neurological condition.. likely. Cheers M

[Lisa611]

I was a quiet child with an over active imagination. Always loved books. Grew into a normal teen. Rebelled against my strict father. Was always good at school though.

[quirkywords]

I was quiet child when not talktaive.

I never felt I did not fit in anywhere in school, no good at sports, not popular, not he cleverest, too much imagination and creative and way too untidy for a girl in the 1960s,Was okay until year 11 when my moods became so extreme that I failed every exam in years 11 and 12 except for my HSC as I studied a few weeks before in a mad manic last attempt to prove my parents and teachers wrong who both felt I should leave school before the HSC.

Did anyone fell like the odd one out or is that just me?

[velvetfaerie]

I am still the odd one out Quirky, however I have made peace with that. I see old school mates are still in their cliques. Work people have their cliques. I have individual friends, a couple of good ones and a few more acquaintances. I'm OK with this. They are odd ones out too.

V

[quirkywords]

Velvet as child I was lonely but onceI reached being 40 I like being different and quirky.

[asdff]

I was liked at school. I did have mood swings. In high school boys used to deliberately bait me to react. When I told my two high best friends that I had bipolar one said I thought that was just a teen thing. Nope, I’m like that all the time. I was manageable up till around 25. I could hold it together more. Now I feel like a firework. I’ve had my Big Bang, now there is nothing left. I literally put all my effort into getting through the day. Quirky, you said your kids wish you were like the other Mums. I’m like the other Mums; I do the cake stalls, fundraisers, driving to sports. Then I fall into a heap.