This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and welcome,

So many changes, so many people suffering and struggling in the world, so much bad news,

we do live in confusing times.

The future can seem like the unknown at least here we can support listen and comfor each other in a non judgmental place.

[ANT333]

Hi I’m new here. I have been battling with bipolar for 25+ years. It’s exhausting.

I used cycle more rapidly when I was younger and haven’t really had a mania/depressed episode in a long while. I started being manic a few weeks back episode and and am now really down. It has completely floored me as I just don’t have the strength to battle this anymore.

i can’t get out of bed, I’m crying uncontrollably, no sleep, no food. I’m worried I will have another manic episode and crash all over again.

any advice would be much appreciated. Please help. Thank you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi ANT333,

We can understand how dealing with bi-polar for such a long time would be so exhausting. It must be difficult to have to now have a longer cycle and be in the depression longer. Not being able to get out of bed, having no sleep or food must be terrible along with the fullness of emotions. Have you spoken to your GP about your latest cycle pattern? They may be able to help you find different ways of managing it.

If you ever need to speak to someone from wherever you are, we strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone, we are here to support you and walk this journey with you. 

[Airies]

Velvet , I hope Karma catches up with them. You have certainly been missed here and hope you can get back to your normal routine.
Lisa hope you are doing ok. Big step going into hospital and another going out.

Asdff I’m sick of the mixed messages from premiers, health experts re the virus.No wonder there’s so much confusion. I can’t wait to get my second jab.

My daughter in law has finally got a visa, exit permit to leave Australia and join my son in the UK.It has been such a stressful experience for them , government holding onto her passport and no decision until months after application and in the final days.

it’s scary stuff this virus. I can’t fathom why people refuse to get vacinated

[asdff]

Airies, I’ve had my first dose. I have booked for second dose but have to wait till school holidays are over. My two are a barrel of laughs in a queue. Read; pain in the bottom.

[Lisa611]

Hi Jazz and Blues thankyou for replying to my post. Hi Everyone. I feel like I'm doing ok since my discharge. At the moment I'm on a 2 week break from work. I'm a high school teacher. When I'm in hospital I feel safe from the outside world and I don't have to deal with the everyday pressure of daily life. I've been doing a bit of school work each day since I got out. I see my psych again next week. He can't up the antidepressant anymore I don't think because I think I'm on the highest dose for that drug. I feel better but I'm aware that I could relapse and I've only been on the increased dose for a week. Going back to work will be the real test. Im hoping to continue to work full time. I'm looking forward to my daughter's wedding which is in 9 weeks. Hopefully covid will be under control. I want to tell my principal that I have bipolar but not anybody else at work. I feel that if I don't tell her I'm adding to the stigma in some way. I also feel a sense of shame associated with having this illness. I know I shouldn't but I do. I don't know why I feel ashamed. I also wish that there was a support group that I could go to so that I can connect with other people. I told my psych that I get sick and tired of being in my own head. The negative thinking has lessened somewhat which is good.

Airies- that's good news about the visa.

ANT333 welcome.

Wherever you are I hope that Covid isn't impacting on your life too much.

[quirkywords]

ANT333

welcome and thanks for your post.

Sophie has given you a supportive post.

I am sorry you are down after a long time of having no episodes .

Episodes can be erratic and sometimes there a sense of security after nit having Zn episode for a long time.

I have been living with bipolar for over 45 years after being diagnosed at 16.

I was in denial for 16 years and refused to believe there was anything wrong with me.

I was encouraged to get help and I was fortunate that medication helped me.

Do you have anyone who can offer support.?

I too feel seeing a GP or a pysch is a good idea and maybe see what you can try.

It is tiring having bipolar and it can seem never ending.

Other people here have different experiences and can share what has helped them.

[Lisa611]

Hi All, today I called BB to see if they could help me to find a support group. They gave me the contact details of GROW. I rang them and found out that there is a support group that runs a night time session about half an hour's drive from me. At the moment they're doing meetings via zoom due to covid. I think if I can connect with others who also have a brain disease (I prefer this term to mental illness) then I won't feel so alone. My partner thinks it's a good idea. I've been really lucky with my other half. He's been really supportive. He came to visit me everyday in hospital.

Does anyone else feel alone or isolated because of their illness? Or maybe it's just me. I would like to meet people to have a chat with and to offer each other support. This could also be because I don't have many friends.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

I too feel alone which is why I joined BB forums a few years ago and why I like this thread.
To be honest the only people i chat I to about bipolar are on this forum.

I find groups hard as I don’t drive.

Is the GROW group for a variety of people with brain disease. ? Will there be others with bipolar.?

[Lisa611]

Quirky I think there is a mixture of illnesses in the group. I'm not sure if there will be anyone else with bipolar. I'm just happy if I can meet other people who also live with a brain disease.