This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Quirky, a little suggestion re: caring for sick partner. Try keeping as many of your routines as possible; going to bed at roughly the same time, taking your meds at roughly the same time. Just a tip I’ve got from my psych. I try and eat at roughly the same time and exercise at the same time. It sounds so boring but it really helps me.

First aid, yes I’ve done a few courses. I don’t panic. I have a nurse for a Mum. It might be different if it was a traumatic scene in front of me. I’ve my daughter twice choke on things as a toddler in front of me. That is scary, with your child.

[Airies]

Ditto here re first aid courses. I didn’t enjoy them but operated on the rationale that whatever I learnt would be handy on family. I never had to use it on the job. We had medical support officers who would respond as well whenever the situation arose. I did see a bit of claret in my time and i tend to have nightmares after seeing a story, film, newspaper article.

Routine helps a lot Asdff I agree. I’m a creature of habit these days. I’m trying to be good re food, my other hip is playing up, I got caught out in the rain on the bike which I hate , cold wet as a result but made it home in one piece. It was so so cold out there and felt very vulnerable but a hot shower helped

[quirkywords]

asdff he wants undivided attention from me 24/7. it is hard to follow my routine when he keeps following is.

I find that hard and in the scheme of things a stay in hospital trumps exhaustion and mental fatigue.

Aries i try to read or watch shows that are light hearted before bed.

[Lisa611]

Quirky I would find playing nurse tiring and frustrating. Hopefully he recovers quickly. You will need lots of patience.

Airies I admire you for cycling in the rain although I can't imagine riding in wet clothes! Nothing worse than being cold and wet. Is your hip degeneration? I think you said before that you had cortisone injections in your other hip.

My day started early with a 7.30 meeting. I saw my psych this afternoon. I'm still recovering from the depression. He doesn't want to see me for 3 weeks which is good. Seeing him weekly or every two weeks is costly. We went out to the local pub for dinner tonight. I had nachos. I try to choose easy food to swallow because I have trouble swallowing food. I feel like I'm going to choke. I've been to a specialist and have had a scan there is nothing physically wrong. It's anxiety related.

[quirkywords]

lisa I have a fear of choking because I sometimes talk and eat and get food caught and it is so scary as people think you are joking!

I try to eat slowly and calming. I have trouble swallowing tablets.

take care everyone

[asdff]

Lisa and Quirky, if I am talking too much, so probably hypomanic. I have been known to choke on my food. Twice out with my Mum before diagnosis. I have choked, not completely. Enough for her to notice and come around behind me. At home, if I am eating too quickly and wanting to get back to talking. I’ve been known to not chew enough and the food will get caught. It’s my illnesses way of saying hurry up with the food, you need to talk.

[quirkywords]

Asdff I can relate so much to what you wrote about talking and food.

[Airies]

Lisa , yep too much exercise over the years, fluctuating weight and so on. It wasn’t by choice getting caught out, wet, miserably cold but I made it in one peice. I have almost chocked on a fish bone before, tend to wolf down meals without even thinking, I’ve tried to eat and do things MINDFULLY but this is a rare event.

Whats my latest purchase.. I’m always buying things .. one of those egg timers that change colour to indicate soft, medium and hard and some gardening stuff on eBay.

[Lisa611]

Airies I don't buy things online. I've brought a few pieces of clothes that have been the wrong size or it looked good on the model but silly on me. I suppose with gardening stuff you can't go wrong.

Yay! It's Friday! Am happy about that lol no real plans for the weekend. Will hopefully see my girls.

[asdff]

Airies, I am shocking when hypomanic with online purchases. I don’t buy big things or expensive things or things I can’t afford. My brain thinks what can I do to make money? I buy the items to make these home businesses and then think I can’t do that. They have a professional machine for that business. Then when not hypomanic i have to try and sell the purchases. It’s only taken me two or three times of this, to realise this is hypomanic. I can recognise it, I don’t know how to stop it. Psychologist appointment, next week. I shall mention it to her.