This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[clown_of_mine]

Good to see people coming and going , my limit is 2 drinks , always at lunch and not very often, that way when I do drink it's a buzz.

[velvetfaerie]

My body went right off booze the last couple of months. Not a bad thing. I will have one drink. Enjoy it but don't feel like any more. Makes me feel too bloated or gastritis get cranky.

I had 2 beers today and I enjoyed those. Didn't want or need anymore.

Could run a speakrasy from this house with the amount of liquor in the cabinet.

[asdff]

I am one that posts lots, then goes away. My life gets busy, then not at all.

Parenting is hard work. Parenting with BP is extreme. I try and manage my own emotions, while helping with the emotions of three other people. The third being my husband. Some days our family works. Some days we need our own space, like today. We got through it. My own emotions are hard to manage, add in the two small people that know some of your week points and a recipe in disaster. My daughter said today, you know why I behave like this. I learnt it from you. That one is the one I clash with. Very near a teen. Hormones and fierce like me. Lucky she does have lots of traits from her Dad, so the relationship isn’t always hard.

[quirkywords]

Hello folks

asdff I have a relationship with one offspring I have found challenging. She is now probably close to your age and we still have our moments. As I said now we try to focus on present and future . Mind you this child is the one who keeps in contact and is most caring and affectionate despite the fact I may have ruined things in the past.

You have support from your partner whereas I was in a chaotic marriage. When this child misbehaved both the child and the dad blamed me.

I feel you are strong and determined and she will see this and respect you if not now but later.

[clown_of_mine]

I tip my hat to all you BP parents.

[asdff]

Oh the good old blame game (insert sarcasm). We aren't very good at letting things be in this house. The blame game is always pointing fingers.

[quirkywords]

Asdff the blame game the whole family can lay.each generation blames their parent for all their problems. I played this game till I became a parent.

Thanks clown. I think we all have challenges with bo, being a parent is only one of them.

[clown_of_mine]

I'm not good at those games I excel at flee the scene- I think my game is called chasey maybe if I don't leave then the game becomes tag which is a version of the blame game, so guilty we play it here too.

[velvetfaerie]

Blame and avoiding accountability. Well aquainted with it. Pretty low if you ask me. If you did it you did it. Why blame someone else for "making" you do it, plus other assorted nonsence.

[asdff]

Yesterday, I had a meltdown. I knew it was coming. Our daughter starts high school this year. She is ready but still needs some help. Yesterday I taught her to catch the bus to school. She has been on buses before but they have been to sporting events with a parent. Right so we plan the journey. Complaints from child it’s too hot blah blah blah. We go on bus. Now where we are from we have a bus pass that you tap on and tap off. Child tried to tap off and it didn’t work. It was in a thick plastic phone cover. So husband says ring bus company. I did that. We can’t manually do that. I drive to train station to tap off. Meanwhile I am so angry and anxious all of the emotions. Not crying but when you can feel your blood pressure rise. Not good. I told husband before bus trip. This is triggering me. I used to catch two buses to primary school, sometimes on my own. Then high school sometimes. Definitely into the city with friends etc. I think because catching the bus was such a huge part of my childhood. It triggered me. Four buses in a day. Two to school and two home. We moved from the primary school catchment and wanted to stay at the school. I had to carefully plan each day. Be up at a certain time. Then if I did after school sports or played at a friend’s place. Planned of course. No mobiles in those days. I would catch later buses. This starting new school is a huge deal for me.